


I can't find my way home but it's through you. (Lie to me.)

by Frerard_Tragician



Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Album), My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alot of the crew we meet are going to important eventually., Angst, Bert is like briefly mentioned, Bob Bryar is also mentioned, Danger Days Era, Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Frank is a new killjoy and the others show him the ropes and basically teach him how, Frerard, Fun ghoul and Party Poison kind of hate each other at first but not really, Fun ghoul is struggling with his past, Hurt/Comfort, Hyper Thrust is like a sort of 'gay' strip club in this fic., It's like a hate/love I kind of want to fuck you sorta way, James Dewees is also briefly mentioned, Jet star is like a friendly mentor tbh, Kobra kid has a brillant pokerface, Lots of nightmares, M/M, Minor Character Death, Party Poison has trust issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Skeleton Clique, Whilst Cosmic Thrust is just a bar type atmosphere where bands can play and stuff like that., sort of PTSD, tragic past
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2018-10-16 16:52:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 60,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10575489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frerard_Tragician/pseuds/Frerard_Tragician
Summary: "Lie to me." Fun ghoul said stepping forward so that their was only a few inches in between them, he shook his head. "Please just lie to me. Tell me that I meant something to you, because if you tell me that I didn't- Just pretend it doesn't have to be true just- Lie to me, alright?" Party poison couldn't even look at Ghoul because fuck it hurt to see what he was doing to him. He didn't say anything the silence hung in the air like a confirmation of both of their worst fears, it was long enough that Poison made himself look at Fun ghoul. Painfully sad eyes, shattered by the truth, they sparkled like broken glass as tears slid down his cheeks. Party poison swallowed hard, he had never wanted this. "I'm sorry Frankie."(Basically Fun ghoul is an inexperienced killjoy who escapes battery city and the Fabulous Killjoys take him under their wings, he gets along well with Kobra Kid and Jet Star but something about Poison is withdrawn, sassy, angry, and confident and cocky in an irritating way that would usually drive others away but Ghoul is intrigued with Party poison and as much as he would like to punch him in his perfect teeth he wonders what it would be like to kiss him.)-------------ON HIATUS-------------------





	1. Fuck fancy names.

**Author's Note:**

> Listen I had an idea for this one night listening to a angsty frerard playlist on youtube so don't expect much from this its also my first fanfic so warning I might suck!  
> I'll probably post two chapters a week, if anyone wants me to continue this story. That is all have a nice time reading. This is a really shitty first chapter but it will get better from hear I promise!!

Frank had only escaped the city about two weeks ago but even with his small amount of knowledge about the desert, he knew that stealing in the zones could cost him his life. But he also knew that it took three days for the average person to starve to death and Frank had not eaten for a day and a half, he could almost feel his stomach devouring itself.

Frank peered steathily at the crew below from his hiding spot in the sand dunes. From what he could see there were two zone runners in bright clothing. Frank was surprised most of the crews he had come across were made of four people or more. One of them looked to be about his own age, with sun bleached blonde hair and the other was a slightly older man with insanely curly brown hair both of them had rags wrapped around their faces hiding them from view. Frank had been watching them for almost an hour, he knew they had ray guns on them but he wasn't sure they were the type of people to shoot first and ask questions later which made him feel even worse about what he was about to do. Frank swallowed his guilt and quickly took inventory of himself, which was easy to do seeing as he didn't have much. He had a bandana wrapped around his face incase anything went wrong. He really didn't want anyone finding out his identity he was already wanted by Blnd and he didn't need anyone else looking for him, he also had on ripped jeans, a blood stained white shirt, a switch blade in his back pocket and a stolen better living issued ray gun.

Having gathered his thoughts and his weapons, Frank peered back over the sand dune. The two men had begun making a fire with their backs turned conviently away from their colorful car, which as Frank's eyes strained to locate, had a stash of canned food in the back of the trunk. The food that was going to be his dinner, the hunger pains in his stomach over ridding the rest of the guilt he was feeling. He put his plan into action. Sneaking into their campsite was just as hard as he though it would be. The sand shifted under his feet as he walked, and the man with the fro would look around every few steps that Frank would take as if he could hear the specks of sand shifting, then Frank would have to crouch back out of sight intill the man was satisfied and continued building his fire. Another thing that he had learned from his shirt amount of time in the zones was that rebels were hella observant. As Frank neared their car he realized it was no ordinary car, in fact it was the coolest car he'd ever seen. It outmatched any he had seen in both the city and desert, he immeadetly fell in love with it and that was before he even saw the rest of the paint job. It was a phoniex firebird trans-am, bright colors splattered across the doors, stickers covered almost every available surface, and painted onto the hood was an American flag with a spider spray painted over it. Frank's hand traced over the design of a couple zombie faces admiring them as he walked past. The fire grew brighter as he neared the trunk of the car, as did the voices he tried not to pay attention to them because it forced him to think of the people he was stealing from and it made him sick. Bingo, today was his lucky day, he begun digging through the pile of cans picking up as much as he could carry but something he heard caught his attention.

"I can't fucking believe Party Poison, he's behaving recklessly. He can't keep walking off by himself. Jesus, he's going to get himself killed. I'm begining to think that's what he wants." Frank cocked his head to the side, moving closer into the light so he could hear better, his eyes narrowing against the light so he could see. The two men sat hunched around the fire, stirring the embers with a stick and adding wood every now and then to keep it burning.

"Come on Kobra, I think he just needs some space. He's hurting, hell we all are but things are worse for him. You know that, right?" The one with the fro was talking now and Frank shifted the cans in his hands uneasily. Something about the way they described this person made him uncomfortable as if they were talking about him instead. _I should just go_ , he thought reasonably, _before I hear more than I want to_. But his feet stayed planted firmly in the sand, something in his gut made him stop for just a few minutes more wanting to hear the rest of the conversation. Suddenly out of the darkness emerged a figure, Frank stepped back tripping over his own feet and nearly falling, catching his balance the very last second. Frank hid in the cover of darkness behind the car, not moving in fear of alerting the new person to his presence.

"Who are we talking about, now? I hope you weren't gossiping about me, that would be a shame. Don't you have anything better to do than talk about how insanely awesome I am?" The man stepped out of the shadows walking into the light of the fire, he spoke in a joking manner but his voice was serious, quite but confident in a way that made Frank narrow his eyes.

As the man moved closer into the light Frank froze in his tracks not sure if he was stunned by fear or as stupid as it sounds, beauty. The man who Frank assumed was this mysterious Party Poison had bright scarlet red hair that hung down in a tousled mess around his face, he couldn't see his eyes but he just knew they would be some almost cliché beautiful color. He stood, tall and poised, a grin on his face that made something churn inside of his chest, even the way he talked had an air of arrogance around him, confidence rolled off him in waves. Frank hated him imeadelty.

"Where did you go?" The blonde spat out ignoring his question, Poison laughed dropping an armful of firewood onto the ground. Frank took a step back, he needed to leave now something about Poison was bitterly familiar as if he had seen him somewhere before. Somewhere dangerous that did not belong in the desert, then it hit him the way most things do at the worst times. Party Poison's face was stamped all over the city on wanted poster with a bright red X crossing through his face he was battery city's most wanted rebel and Frank had just stolen from his crew! Almost in slow motion one of the cans in his arms slipped from his grasp and fell, slowly, towards the ground. It hit the sand with a muffled thud, Poison's eyes shot up making contact with Frank's who briefly had a chance to wonder how the hell he had heard that before he was running.

 "Hey!" Frank dropped the cans of food because they were slowing him down. _fuck, fuck, fuck._ Frank thought running faster as he heard the footsteps catching up behind him "Come back here, God damn, just stop!" Like hell, but before he even had a decent chance to finish the thought someone collided with his back, knocking the air out of his lungs when he hit the ground hard taking the brunt of the fall. The man on top of him didn't get up, he just shifted his weight and dragged Frank over so he was facing him.  Frank at the worst of moments can't help but notice that Poison's breath smells like candy and cigarette smoke. He knows his eyes are wide and desperate, like a cornered animal desperate for escape, like prey caught on its last legs and dragging itself away. His grip on Frank’s _wrist is tight, like iron._ Frank struggled to get free bucking up and trying to knock him off of him but Poison just held both of his arms down with one hand and dislodged the ray gun from his holster and tossed it away, anger and fire in his bright hazel eyes. He has Hazel fires burning in his eyes, it was unlike anything Frank had ever seen and it distracted him enough that Poison was able to rip the mask away from his face.

"Jesus," Poison said raising an eyebrow. "You're just a _kid_." he shoved some red hair out of his eyes and leaned closer to get a good look at Frank's face. 

"I am not!" Frank snarled throwing his weight and trying to knock the man off him again but he didn't budge tightening his grip on his wrists. "I'm nineteen for your information!" He probably shouldn't have given out that information so easily but he hated when people mistook his age because of his size.

"Okay, great you're a legal adult I'll keep that in mind. " Party Poison snarled tangling his hand in Frank's hair and yanking, tiny pricks of pain stabbed at his scalp making him go still. "Now tell me why the fuck you were trying to steal from us before I ghost you without a second look!" 

"Fuck you!" Frank spat which probably wasn't the safest thing to say. "You couldn't ghost me if you tried." Party Poison raised his eyebrow's as if to point out the position they were in. The two men from the fire appeared behind Poison, Kobra and the Fro they looked at him eyes narrowed trying to figure out who he was.

"Is he a drac?" Kobra asked calmly from a safe distance away.

"Nah, Just some punk with nice tattoo's. He's your age Kobra kid." Frank frowned and Poison glared at him. "That doesn't mean I won't fucking kill you if I have to. Answer the question! Why were you stealing from us when there's a market just a few miles down south, only scum will steal in the desert we have morals, though I'm not so sure about you."

"I didn't know anything about a market! Look, I'm sorry just let me go. I didn't want to steal from you but I haven't eaten in days." Frank growled quietly trying to sound intimidating despite the confession making him feel week and useless. Jet Star's eyes seemed to light up in sympathy but Poison only narrowed his eyes.

"That's bullshit," Poison says and Frank exhales angrily. "Every half decent zone runner out there knows where the market places are, you are either an idiot or a terrible lair."

"I'm neither and I'm telling you the truth. I don't even really know where I'm at, right now. Why would I lie about that!?" Frank asked growing tired of the staring eyes and the weight of Poison sitting on his chest.

"How long have you been in the desert- uh?" The man with the fro started. Frank stayed quite, he wasn't stupid. Names in the desert were dangerous and could get you killed. Poison snigger at his defiance, the guy shrugs uncomfortably. "So how long have you been here?"

Frank debated answering truthfully but finally gave in under the pressure of their stares. "Two weeks ago I escaped battery city." The hand in his hair loosened as Poison exchanged eye contact with the two members of his crew, silently communicating with them.

Finally he turned back to him looking suspicious. "Any wrong moves and I'll shoot you with your own ray gun." He declared angrily before climbing off of Frank's chest which was a relief, he sat up slowly keeping his hands where the killjoys could see them. "Whats your name, kid?"

"I'm not a fucking kid and _fuck fancy names_." Frank says narrowing his eyes and Poison just smirks.

"My name's Poison, their names are Kobra kid and Jet star." He says jabbing his thumb out towards them. Kobra the silent one nods slightly and Jet star the one with the fro smiled kindly wriggling his fingers in a sort of award hello. Frank had forgotten how to smile but if he could've remembered he would've done it, instead he just nodded like Kobra in response to both of them. "But I'm assuming you've already heard of us, right?"

"No actually. I've just seen a couple of posters around." Frank says raising an eyebrow at his cockiness. Party poison's jaw seems to drop at the idea of someone not knowing who he was in advance, Kobra who had been silent thus far burst into laughter. Frank looked up at the two of them confused. "What?"

"Nothing," Jet star said wiping his eyes as he laughed. "It will do Poison's ego some good for once." Poison shoved him but then turned back towards Frank the burning unwelcoming look in his eyes.

"If you won't tell me your name I'm just going to have to think of one myself." He declares glaring at Frank his eyes traced over him once more before throwing his ray gun back on the ground in front of him. "Or not, you'll be gone soon enough anyway and don't you dare think of using that on anyone or your ass is _grass_."

Frank stared down at the ray gun on the ground and sighed kicking is back towards then with the heel of his shoe. "Keep it I don't even know how to use it anyways, besides I've got my knife." None of the killjoys took a move towards it just stared at him in shock except for Poison who glared at him with a look of loathing in his eyes that confused Frank.

"No offense dude, but how did you survive this long?" Kobra kid exclaimed picking the gun up only to hand it back.

"I've just been lucky, I guess." Frank mumbled standing up taking one last look at their faces and beginning to walk away, they were sparing his life, he couldn't expect them to do more.

"Wait, kid." Jet star called and Frank resisted the urge to roll his eyes at being called a kid three fucking times in one conversation. "Poison can we let him stay? Just for one night, we can feed him and let him sleep here then show him how to use a ray gun in the morning."

"Are you fucking crazy? Do you remember what happened last time? No!" Party poison yelled and Frank shivered because he not only sounded angry but really upset because his voice shook when he yelled.

"He'll be gone by dusk tomorrow. Poison he's going to die if we just leave him out here." Jet star tried again and really Frank was surprised at the turn of events. Poison glanced coldly between Frank and Jet star then at Kobra who shrugged non committedly.

"Whatever, but I'm not responsible for what happens. Not this time." Party Poison resigned angrily, he walked straight up to Frank and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt nearly pulling him from the ground. "But you need to stay the fuck away from me." Then he was walking away leaving Frank breathless before turning around one last time with a smirk on his face shouting. "By the way you wanted a nickname so how 'bout it, princess?"


	2. Not all scars are caused by Draculoid's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if this will be triggering or not but if you are sensitive to reading about scars then you might want to skip this chapter.

Frank had already come to two conclusions. The first one being that there was no way in hell he was going to allow that red haired, sparkle loving, annoying, arrogant, diva call him _princess_. The second being he really liked the other two despite their leader being an absolute _prick_.

It was cold tonight something that he hadn't really understood about the desert. How could it be so broiling hot during the day but then at night the temperatures dropped to near freezing. Frank guessed it had something to do with what happened before the helium wars, the bombings had really messed up the earth's atmosphere and environment but he had really only heard about in in stories his mom used to tell him.

Frank didn't say anything about it though because he was to busy shoveling food into his mouth as Kobra kid and Jet star looked on in appreciation.

"How long have you gone without eating?" Jet star asked looking torn between sympathy and ready to jump up to preform the Heimlich maneuver at any second if Frank started choking.

Frank shrugged swallowing down some of the puppy chow. "A few days for sure, maybe a bit longer." He watches the two killjoys make eye contact but don't really say anything else which is alright with him. He knows this is only a one time thing, he's being fed and allowed to sleep here for tonight but come tomorrow morning he's out of here. Party Poison will make sure of that.

Speaking of Party Poison he's standing with his back against the Trans-am, a sketch pad in his hand drawing something. He'll look up every now and then just to glare at Frank and make sure that he's not murdering his crew or anything which is starting to get on his nerves. Frank figures that Party poison really is the leader of the group, the one who makes the most important decisions, even though no one has ever said it out loud or officially appointed him to be the leader. It was just one of those things that didn't need to be said for everyone to acknowledge the truth of it. Party poison is strange in an almost foreign way that causes Frank to study him in the glow of the firelight and _no_ he was not checking him out. Any average person could've noticed the same things he did, that Poison held a cigarette in the left side of his mouth as he drew on the sketch pad, that Poison wore the brightest colors he had ever seen, jeans and a bright blue biker jacket, but it was his hair that enthralled him the most it was just so _red_. Party Poison's eyes lifted off whatever he was drawing and caught Frank staring at him, Frank looked away quickly staring back into the fire. He heard Party Poison's snigger all the way from where he was sitting.

"So, are you going to stay? It really wouldn't be any trouble for us." Jet star asked breaking Frank out of his thoughts. Frank's eyes flickered over to where Jet star and Kobra kid sat tending the fire a few feet away from him.  Jet star was easy for him to figure out without even really trying, he was obviously the good cop, the mature one that either of the others would go to during an argument, the level headed one who keeps calm under pressure. Frank liked him and honestly Frank liked most people because he didn't have very high standards. As long as the person in question isn't a complete jerk, his eyes slid over to Poison and then back again.

"Poison doesn't seem very on board. Are you sure?" He asks and is surprised when Kobra kid responds who had been mostly silent the entire time. He was harder to figure out because his voice was like listening to a robot at times, he was so monotone that it was hard to make out what he was feeling, his face formed into a permanent poker face.

"He hasn't killed you yet, I think that's a good sign." Kobra replied his eyebrows raising slowly.

Frank feels the corner of his lips tilt upwards in a weak imitation of a smile. "Alright I'll take it from you, then. I guess I'll stay for the night. It wasn't like I had much of a choice anyways. Maybe in the morning you could point me in the right direction towards this market place, Poison was talking about earlier?"

"Yeah, Jet will draw you a map. He's good at that kind of stuff." Kobra's eyes skimmed over Frank before he was digging into a bag and pulling out a black shirt with bright yellow sleeves and handed it to Frank who stared at it. It was fucking beautiful. In the city the citizens were only permitted to wear white so this was the most colorful shirt he had ever been allowed to wear. "Here, you can have it. I grew out of it a while back and your shirt looks a little... worn down." He gestured at the dried blood covering the front of his shirt, when it a had first been their it had been bright crimson now it was a dull rusted brown.

"For real?" Frank heard himself asking, Kobra nodded the corners of his lips twitching. "Thanks, man!" Frank stood up, stripping off the shirt and letting it fall to the ground before pulling on the new one.

It slipped over his head and he pulled it down, brushing his hair out of his eyes only to find Party Poison less than a feet away studying him. "What?" He raised an eyebrow but Poison didn't answer. He walked closer in till he was less than a few inches away eyebrows drawn together his face unreadable.

"Stop talking, princess." Party Poison muttered quietly leaning closer, Frank frowned in confusion in till Poison wrapped his fingers around his left wrist and pulled it in front of him staring down at his arm. Frank knows what he sees, Thin pink scars criss-crossing over his wrist in shakily drawn lines, some of them still scabbed over others fading back into his skin. "How did you get these scars?"

Frank pulled his arm out of Poison's grasp quickly. "I got them a couple of days ago, a Drac caught me but I fought him off." The lie hung in the air for a moment and Frank swallowed nervously as Jet star and Kobra kid exchanged looks.

Party Poison laughed roughly. "Right." Before stomping back off to where he had been previously drawing. It was silent for a few minutes and Frank regrets agreeing to stay but then Jet Star is ushering him back to the side of the camp fire where Kobra Kid has set up a couple of sleeping bags for them.

"You can sleep over here with Kobra Kid. Poison and I will take watch for a while." Jet star says as Frank lays down on one of the sleeping bags next to Kobra kid who's already propped up with two arms under his head staring up at the sky.

"Thanks." Frank says getting comfortable and feeling the pull of his eyelids. He really hasn't slept for a while, to afraid Drac's would ambush him while he slept. "Really thanks for everything."

"No problem." Jet star grinned down at him, he was the last thing has saw before he fell asleep. His dreams were restless, nightmares that he could never fully wake up from because his nightmares bled into the realties of his world.

_White walls. White buildings. White sidewalks. White everything. Why was everything so white?_

_"Frank?" A familiar voice called, making Frank turn from where he had been standing admiring the obsolete averageness of the city around him. His sight was greeted by a friendly looking dork with brown hair and an goofy grin on his face. James dewees, Frank's best friend. "What are you looking at Frankie?"_

_"Nothing much. The city all looks the same anyways, and I mean we are looking at it for the last time." Frank said smiling cheerfully and shoving him playfully._

_"Hopefully. Will you miss it?" James asks looking down at the city below them, they were so high up they could see both the desert and all of Battery city below them. All they had to do was scale down the wall with the rope they had prepared and then they were out of there, free for real. Just a few minutes away from freedom._

_"Hell no. What is there to miss? The pills, the emptiness of it all? No way." Frank says and James grins back._

_"Me either. I can't wait to get out of here." James turned towards the wind with a smile of his face before yelling. "If Bob would just fucking get here faster!"_

_"He should've been here an hour ago. I wonder what's taking him so long?" Frank said feeling nervous in the pit of his stomach._

_"Probably just taking one last shot at the industry, you know how he gets with that bottle of spray paint." James says jokingly but they both laugh nervously. The wind picked up and things changed the way they do in nightmares, quickly and ominously without any warning. Except this wasn't a dream this was real life._

_Suddenly a tall blonde man with burly shoulders came barreling up the stairs and into view. "Frank! James! Run!"_

_"Bob!?" James spat out as Bob appeared on the roof, Draculoids on his tail. 'Shit!" James dove out of the way of a ray shot._

_"Here, catch!" Frank shouted tossing Bob the ray gun because he had no idea how to use that shit and now his best friends were being surrounded! Bob caught it and he turned shooting down Drac's as they entered the stairwell but for every single one that he shut down four more would take it's place. James was shoved against the railing, a Drac had him by the throat. "Oh now you don't motherfucker!" Frank grabbed the Drac by it's mask and kicked out searching for the week spot under the kneecap and was satisfied when he heard a loud POP and the Drac fell to the ground screeching._

_"Thanks." James gasped out kneeling over as Frank quickly disposed of another Drac._

_"Get out of here." Frank yelled as a ray shot singed the side of his jeans nearly hitting its target before he dove out of the way. "Go down the rope!"_

_James didn't try to argue just pulled him into a brisk hug before lowering himself down out of sight, scaling down the side of the building. More Draculoid spilled onto the rooftop and now he could barely see Bob through the fight just heard him cursing as he took down more, Frank pulled out his knife a contraband item he had stolen earlier that year and began fighting hand to hand, disarming Drac's before stabbing them in soft spots under their clothes._

_Everything was going great in till Frank heard the screaming. A Draculoid had made it's way toward the rope hanging on the other side of the building and had managed to haul James kicking and screaming back up onto the building. Frank saw the ray gun poised against James stomach but Frank knew he would never get there in time. He ran faster dodging past Drac's and stabbing wildly but as if the Drac was tempting him he almost made it. Just a couple more steps and Frank could've done something. He could've saved his best friend. James Dewees's entire body lurched forward with the blast, blood shooting forward out of his stomach, and dribbling from the corners of his mouth. Frank watched as the light left his eyes, turned desperately up towards the sky because he had been so close. So close to seeing them outside of the city limits away from all of the light pollution and now he would never see them again. So close._

_Frank knew he was screaming as he tackled the Drac stabbing him over and over watching as it's blood covered and coated his hands in the brightest shade of red he had ever seen. James loved the color red, he had only seen it once his life but he swore as soon as they got to the desert he was going to wear red jeans and everyone would love them. Now he would never have the chance because they had been so close. Next thing he knew Bob was dragging him up and screaming at him. Pushing him towards the rope and telling him to_

_"Go, Frankie! Get out, get out!" Bob pushed him over the side of the wall making sure Frank got his hands wrapped around the rope before turning back around to continue firing at the Draculoids who grew closer. "I'll hold them off but you've got to go."_

_"No, Bob!" Frank yelled, he was already half way down and he was sobbing. "Bob, you have to come down to! Please Bob we can go together!"_

_Bob couldn't hear him because suddenly a Drac was shoving him up against the railing gun pointed at his head as Bob struggled. Frank was screaming again because Bob was staring down at him tears dripping down his cheeks with a sad smile on his face, he pulled his ray gun out one last time but he wasn't firing at the Drac, in fact he had stopped struggling all together. He pressed his ray gun against the rope, and Frank knew what he was doing and he tried to start climbing back up he was screaming, begging but nothing worked because Bob pulled the trigger singeing the rope and burning through it. It snapped and Frank began to fall but not quickly enough because he saw everything when the Drac holding Bob against the banister shot him through the skull._

_Falling, falling, falling. He survived the fall uninjured but not all scars came from Drac's in masks. He wandered the desert without anything left except the knife in his pocket which he used on himself in anger in punishment because he couldn't stand seeing the white shirt on himself anymore. He cut lines onto his arm and then wiped the blood against his shirt staining it with color. In the midst of his insanity he realized something. He wanted to live._

Frank woke up in a cold sweat, it was still night time because he could hear Poison and Jet's whispered talking. Frank looked up at the sky, at the stars that burned so brightly out here away from better livings cold grasp. They were so close.


	3. But baby when they knock you Down and out, It's where you oughta stay.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past came back to haunt him in the form of a black haired, greenish hazel brown eyed, no-name, city slicker, fresh out of Bat city that Poison had already managed to nick-name princess in only a matter of hours.  
>  This was not part of the plan.  
> AKA: Party Poison's p.o.v

Everything was fine, perfectly impassive, completely indifferent, as the days blurred in shades of grey Party Poison tried not to care or think about the past. The past was like an anchor tied around his ankle if he allowed himself to think about the past it was like taking a plunge into the ocean with the anchor dragging him down. _He would never resurface._

But no mater how hard he tried he could not stop thinking about the accident, the firefight, sometimes when it got quite he could still here the _screaming_. It was painful really how it didn't matter how fast or how far Poison ran from the past it still managed to catch up with him. Even the Killjoys motto seemed to be taunting him. Keep Running.

It was Happening again.

The past came back to haunt him in the form of a black haired, greenish hazel brown eyed, no-name, city slicker, fresh out of Bat city that Poison had somehow already managed to nick-name princess in only a matter of hours. Party Poison took one look at the face under the mask, defiant eyes swirling with greens, browns and blues, fresh tattoos and an almost suffocating will to live, Party Poison knew he was screwed. The thing is he didn't believe in fate, and to hell with it if he wasn't going to fight the shit out of it. If had anything to say about it the city slicker would be out of his hair by tomorrow night.

Poison sighed stirring the flames with a stick, watching as the embers flew up and burnt out slowly before disappearing. Carbon dioxide rushed out into the already fucked atmosphere with the billowing of the smoke. It was a cold night but Poison made sure to keep the fire considerably low. Korse hadn't been seen in this area for a couple of days but last time that he'd checked draculoids didn't need the exterminator around to get their masks all in a twist if they spotted a fire. Poison sighed again just in case the world wasn't sure of his dissatisfaction.

"Are you angry at me?" Jet Star finally asked, drawing his attention away from the fire and towards the kind brown eyes of his life time best friend. Poison being the mature person that he is ignores him. "He will die out there if we don't help him. He's fresh out of the city, he's an easy target for drac's and even the more violent crews. They'll take advantage of how little he knows, they'll mess him up. And you heard him, he doesn't even know how to use a ray gun even if he is a hell of a fighter that isn't even in the zones."

"He's a fucking thief." Poison murmured almost as an after thought. Jet star chuckled and Poison knew that he understood him to well to think that Poison would actually care about something like that. In truth Party Poison could care less about someone stealing in order to survive even if it was from his own crew, he just didn't like watching it start again.

"He was starving, you know that. You saw how skinny he is." Jet star reminded him as Poison threw another log into the fire. "We can help him if only a little bit by giving him a name, some food, teach him how to defend himself, I could draw him a map, give him a few tips and tricks, and point him towards the market place. He will be gone by tomorrow night. Fast and simple."

Poison was quite for a few moments. "Nothing is ever fast and simple with us, Jet. I have a bad feeling about this."

Jet star choose to ignore his negativity and continues on quietly. "Besides, it will be  worth it if it keeps him out of Hyper Thrust, stripping for carbon credits and food. To many guys get pulled into that because they have no other option and they don't know how to get enough credits to survive a safer way. Someone like him could get in a lot of trouble in a place like that."

Party Poison was quite now but only because he was agreeing, Hyper Thrust was a shit show and dangerous as fuck once you entered into that kind of business. Poison had only taken two shifts there in his entire life and it was an experience he would never like to repeat again but would if they ever needed carbons as bad as they did then. Just the thought of princess in a place like that made his skin crawl. He wouldn't last a night there especially with a face like his and it made Poison feel sick. Then Poison felt sicker as his eyes wandered over his sleeping form, he hated the guy but no one deserves that.

"I don't think the drac's did that to him." Jet Star brought up abruptly making Poison flinch as he remembered the scars on the zone runners wrist and arm.

"Do you think he did it to himself?" Party Poison heard himself asking quietly, Jet star shrugged pensively.

"He looked really uncomfortable when you asked him about it. I think it's unlikely anyone else did that to him. Drac's don't even carry knives on them though they do have hella long claws." Jet mumbled hating what he was insinuating.

"He's probably been through hell. Whatever it is he doesn't look very safe to be around either just another reason to stay away from him. He looks like he might snap at any moment." Poison replied a bit of angst in his voice.

Jet Star just sighed and nudged Party. "Go to bed, Poison. I'll take watch for a bit, then I'll wake Kobra kid up. You've been up for the past three days. You're going to need sleep eventually, you can't survive on pure will power alone."

"Watch me." Party Poison challenged but stood up anyways. He made his way around the campfire and took his spot on the right of his younger brother's side. Poison only let his eyes slide shut for a few moments before he heard a whimper.

"No, please come with me." Poison rolled around to face the city slicker, he was still asleep but his face was twisted into a frown, tears slid down his cheeks, and he struggled against the blankets, sweating and calling out every few seconds. "Don't make me do this alone! Please...please...pleasssee." Poison felt like he was snooping, watching something he wasn't supposed something dangerous and intimate. Slowly he calmed down drifting back into a calm sleep and resting his head against the pillow.

Party Poison didn't know how to feel, maybe everyone was dealing with their own personal ghosts. Poison just didn't want this person to become one of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm intentionally being very vague about the 'incident' that's hurting Poison up to this point but we will get to it soon after we give the characters some time to develop. Also is it weird that I update everyday? I was originally only going to update about twice a week but I guess writing this just sort of calms me down and allows me to vent in a way. In ways hope you liked this chapter!


	4. I'm not a coward. (Make a choice if the music drowns you out.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're a fuck up aren't you?" Poison asked detachedly. Frank whirled around to face him anger written on his face and his hands curled up into fists.  
> "What did you call me!?"  
> "You are a failure. You messed something up, something very important and now you blame yourself and you should because it's your fault." Party Poison said pushing off the back of the trans-am.  
> "You don't know anything about me." Frank seethed his hands shaking.  
> "I know enough about you to know that the reason you can't make the shot is because you don't want to. You don't want to hit the target because you're afraid of what that might mean. Well let me tell you something that doesn't mean shit, unless you're ready to fight for it." Poison's face was less than a few inches from Frank's and they glared at each other. Eyes locked in angry hazel defiance.

Frank had woke up to Party Poison nudging him awake with the tip of his boot. Frank wiped the morning crust from his eyes and squinted up at him, hand up trying to block out the sun.

"Kobra and Jet are going to teach you a few things and then your gone. Got it? I'm taking a walk for a while when I get back my crew better still be intact or my knife might find it's way into your back." Was the only greeting that he got before Poison was stomping off again. Frank rolled his eyes whatever it wasn't like he wanted to see that fucking diva prancing around while he tried to learn some actual information.

"Good morning." Jet star said somewhat apologetically for Poison's behavior before handing him a can of food. "I told him we could trust you, he didn't listen to me. We can trust you right?" 

Frank sat down slowly next to Kobra kid who was eating his own can of sludge and next to the remains and ashes from last night's fire. He raised an eyebrow at the question but decided he would catch more fly's with honey or whatever the saying was. "I don't know. I can be a dangerous motherfucker. You might wanna watch out."

Kobra kid snorted into his can of food, spitting some against the sand and laughing, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "You? Dangerous?"

"Hey, don't underestimate me. My size doesn't make me defenseless! Don't make me prove it by jumping on your back and taking you down!" Frank piped up scowling when Kobra laughed harder.

"Yeah, I can see you turning into a spider monkey but I'm gonna have to pass. Thanks." Kobra said shaking his head in somewhat disbelief. Frank felt strangely proud this had been the first time Kobra had dropped the poker face since Frank had arrived of course it return almost imeadelty after.

"So you really don't know who we are, huh?" Jet Star who had been watching all of this with an amused look, reentered the conversation.

 "No? Like I said I think I've seen a poster of Poison's face hanging around Battery city at some point. Exterminate and shit. Why are you guys like a big thing in the desert?" Frank shook his head tossing his empty can against the ground after scraping off the Blind label. Jet and Kobra exchanged looks.

"Sure, you could say that." Jet finally settled with and Frank shrugged even if he was talking to some sort of desert celebrities he didn't know anything about them. He couldn't decide if that was a good thing or not. "Well anyways, Party Poison, Kobra kid and I our crew's name is the Fabulous Killjoys incase you wanted to know."

It was silent for a few minutes, Frank kept his eyes on the ground listening to the scrape of plastic spoons against the outside of the cans in till they were tossed away. Jet had a piece of paper in his hands and a strangely shaped stick of charcoal he was staring down at what he was drawing intently. Frank caught a glimpse of strange markings and road lines, he guessed it was the map he had been promised.

Kobra asked curiously. "What did you do before you left the city?"

Frank felt his brain go into over drive, his heart stop beating and his blood run cold. _White walls, white buildings, white everything._ Frank felt his breathing turn shallow, he drew breaths shakily. _Blood running. James. Bob._ Frank shot up from the ground like an animal springing free from a broken trap, eyes wide and crazed. "No, No fuck I can't. I can't fucking talk about it. No, no, no not again. Please don't make me talk about this again. I can't-"

Jet star was beside him suddenly reaching out to touch him but changing his mind last minute. "Calm down, it's alright you don't have to talk about anything that you're not comfortable with. Kobra was just making conversation, really it's alright."

Frank closed his eyes trying to steady his breathing, his fist clenching and unclenching, legs tensed as if he might run at any moment. Finally he made the images disappear, calm himself down enough to answer back through clenched teeth. "I'm fine. Sorry I just don't want to talk about it."

"That's okay, man. We've all been there, hell most of us _are still_ there." Kobra said eyeing him carefully. Frank shook his head opening his eyes and making himself look at them.

"I just need some air." Frank replied and then he was walking away trying to ignore the concerned whisper of Jet star and Kobra kid as he went.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Frank's hand shook as he clutched the Ray gun in his hands. Kobra kid had shown him how to charge it and switch out the battery and then showed him how to hold it before setting up a sort of make shift shooting range with a bunch of old cans. So far Frank hadn't hit a single one.

"Hey, you're doing fine just hold it up a little higher and squeeze the trigger when the top of the gun is level with the cans." Kobra suggested cheerfully as he missed for the fifth time.

Frank sighed trying not to panic, he focused on the feel of the ray gun in his palms, he closed on eyes trying to line the top of the gun up with the can but at the last seconds his hands shook and he pulled the trigger missing again. _Blast! James was lying dead in front of him hole in his stomach._ Frank nearly threw up in his mouth.

Kobra kid looked stumped so Frank looked at Jet who just shrugged. "Not my thing man, I can shoot fairly well but you don't want me teaching you. Trust me, I'd just make you worse." Then looked at Frank again sheepishly. "Well worse than you already are."

"Great." Frank swallowed, god he just wished he could get them out of his head. He held up his ray gun again but suddenly Party Poison strutted into his line of sight.

"What's wrong, Princess can't hit the target?" he asked mockingly raising his eyebrows, his red hair whipping around in the wind and framing his face. Frank's stomach clenched at the shade of red.

"Fuck off, Poison." He muttered taking aim again. Party Poison smirked but shuffled out of the way, leaning back against the hood of the trans am.

"Well let's see what you got." He said waving an arm at him to continue. Frank wanted to wipe that infuriating grin off his face but instead tried to level up again. _Blast! Bob's brain blown to pieces, blood splattered against Frank's face, tainting him, destroying him. Frank holding a ray gun for the first time. Blast! A boy bleeding out onto the sand, terror written on his face. Because Frank was a monster._

_"_ Fuck." Frank breathed out quietly as the shot missed again, he dropped his hands letting the ray down. Kobra kid chewed his lip studying him, and Jet smiled sympathetically. He knew they were trying to find out what was wrong but Frank remained silent.

"You're a fuck up aren't you?" Poison asked detachedly. Frank whirled around to face him anger written on his face and his hands curled up into fists.

"What did you call me!?" He spat anger making him confident.

"You are a failure. You messed something up, something very important and now you blame yourself. I mean  _you should_ because it's your fault." Party Poison said pushing off the back of the trans-am.

"You don't know anything about me." Frank seethed his hands shaking around the handle of the ray gun.

"I know enough about you to know that the reason you can't make the shot is because you don't want to. You don't want to hit the target because you're afraid of what that might mean. Well let me tell you something that doesn't mean shit, unless you're ready to fight for it." Poison's face was less than a few inches from Frank's and they glared at each other. Eyes locked in angry hazel defiance. "You're a worthless coward because you can't hold a ray gun! What, did you lose someone to the drac's? Well guess what we all did, get the fuck over it!"

"Poison!" Kobra yelled angrily trying to shove in between them but Frank pushed him away.

"I'm not a fucking coward! I can make the shot!" Frank yelled shoving Party Poison who grabbed him around the waist surprising him before twisting him around to face the cans. Frank froze up, as Poison pressed himself up against his back, a leg nudged itself between his own and his hands clasped onto his helping him hold the gun. Poison and Frank pressed flush together holding the ray gun out steadily. "What the fuck are you doing?' Frank asked breathlessly.

"You want to learn how to shoot, princess?" Party Poison whispered his lips brushing against Frank's ear making him shiver. "I'm helping you. Make the shot, come on. Prove me wrong."

Frank growled feeling Poison's breath on his neck. "Watch me." He leveled the Ray gun breathing in slowly trying to ignore the feeling of Poison against him and the anger coursing through his veins. He breathed out and then blast! The can flew off the box in a rush of smoke. Poison let go and stepped away but before he did Frank could feel his smirk pressed against his neck and flames coursed through him. Blast! Another can burnt to hell. Blast! another. Blast! Then the last one was taken down flying off and rolling over to Jet star's boot, clanking against it quietly.

Jet star's and Kobra kid's eyes were wide bouncing back and forth between Frank and Poison and the wasted cans lying burnt against the sands. Frank briefly felt sorry for shoving Kobra kid but he was still fuming, he faced Poison was stared back at him smirking.

"Am I a fucking rebel, yet!?" He spat and then walked away leaving the killjoys standing behind in the dirt. Frank hadn't realized something though he had been so angry at Poison that he hadn't panicked with the Ray gun. This thought only made him angrier.

Screw Party Poison and Screw his stupid oddly hot smiles.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone have a favorite band that they would like to recommend to me? I'm looking for some more music to listen to while writing. It gives me some inspiration. Anyways thanks for reading it means so much to me! btw Frank should get his actual killjoy name next time I update so yeah!


	5. Fuck you, in italain? (Tell me I'm a bad man.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Party Poison breathed heavily trying to ignore the hot tears dripping down his cheeks. He could hear Jet star walking up behind him so he quickly wiped them away, sniffing and clearing his throat before thrusting his hands into his pockets and forcing a fake smile onto his face.  
> "You don't have to hide whatever you're feeling, Poison. Just because you're the leader doesn't mean it has to be like this. Let us share the burden." Jet star asked quietly and for a minute Poison felt his façade of confidence waver but then he straightened up, shoved his red hair out of his eyes and grinned.  
> "Let's go give the city slicker a name, before I get so sick of him that I kick him out before we have a chance to." He says it in a joking way but the words sound cold and hollow. Poison briefly wished he didn't feel that way. Hollow and empty but it didn't matter. Poison's heart was like a broken run down shack, ghosts swarmed the halls and monsters in the shadows. He couldn't do anything to fix it so he just decided to ignore what was there. Because it was so much easier than having to deal with a haunting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poison's p.o.v   
> Head's up there was never any romantic connection between bert and Poison in this fanfic.  
> Also in case anyone is getting confused with the ages here they are.  
> Frank: 19  
> Kobra kid: 19  
> Jet Star: 22  
> Party poison: 22
> 
> Also James, Bob and Bert will be relevant in flashbacks and stuff like that so:  
> James: 19  
> Bob: 21  
> Bert: 17

Party Poison knew he had gone to far when princess spat into the dirt and stomped off leaving himself, Kobra and Jet Star standing in a cloud of dust and Poison in a hollow state of emptiness. He knew what was coming when the poker face slipped off of his brother's usually stoic face replacing itself with anger. Poison looked at Jet star with a look of pleading on his face but he just stared back shock written on his face so deeply that even his curls seemed to be curled tighter.

"Would you like to explain to me, what that whole thing was!?" Kobra asked angrily eyebrows raising.

"I was teaching him to shoot. What you and Jet were trying to do wasn't going to cut it, so I helped." Party Poison replied nonchalantly. Kobra's eyebrows shot even farther up into his forehead.

"By insulting him? Are you seriously telling me that you wanted to help him by calling him a coward, making fun of his past, and practically groping him just to teach him how to shoot!?" Kobra shouted his voice rising. Whenever he got angry he spoke with his hands a lot so Poison back away to avoid being hit in the groin by a swinging limb.

"It's something you wouldn't understand, Kobra. Me and Jet, well, we're older we understand things like this." Party Poison said his own voice dead to his ears. He glanced at Jet hoping for some back up but Jet shook his head his fro bobbing in disappointment.

"I'm not just some fucking _kid_. I've been in the desert just as long as you, Poison! And surprise it hasn't turned _me_ into an asshole!" Kobra's eyes flashed. "Bert wouldn't have wanted this."

Poison flinched and he felt the gaping hole of his heart clinch in guilt the only feeling beside anger he had allowed himself to feel for quite a long time. Jet star who had remained quite in his neutrality stepped forward placing his hands of either of their chest's and pushing the two brother's away from each other gently.

"Enough both of you. Kobra, go get our city boy before he wander's into some real trouble. Party, you have got to calm down. I've never seen you act this way towards someone. Why are you treating him like this?" There was no judgment in Jet star's voice only a calm sort of maternal curiosity.

_Because he reminds me of better days. Because he looks like he keeps the sun wrapped up behind those lips of his and at any moment he could smile and brighten up the world but instead he look's miserable and it reminds me of myself. He reminds me of someone I was supposed to protect and failed. He makes me feel something other than anger and guilt, a sort of destructive passion and curiosity._

"We don't have time for this." Poison shook his head forcing a blank look onto his face. "Kobra, just go get him or let him leave before he has a name. Jet star can you please check the radio. Dr. Death defying should be broadcasting soon and the last time we missed it our entire mission went up in flames." Kobra kid narrowed his eyes at him.

"I can't fucking believe this." He muttered venom dripping from his voice as he walked away into the sands, kicking up dirt angrily as he went. Jet star sighed looking like he wanted to say something before turning on his heel and walking away towards the trans-am.

As soon as both of them were gone from view Party Poison walked a few steps away so he was out of sight and then let himself shake apart slowly. His shoulder's collapsed from their usual confident stature, his head drooped, and his finger's uncurled from where they had been clinched in his pockets. He sat against the ground pulling his knees up to his chest, and breathing heavily trying to clear his mind. It didn't help so he pulled his pack of cigarettes from his pockets and flicked it open, withdrawing a stick before closing it again and placing it back into his jacket pocket. With a flick of his lighter his lite it, inhaling in the smoke before blowing out.

He remembered the look on Princess's face when he started yelling. How he had flinched when Poison asked if someone he loved had been killed by a drac using a ray gun. Poison expected nothing when he took in another lung full of smoke into his mouth but was numbly surprised when he felt a tug from inside of his desolate chest. He just shrugged it off. The kid was an idiot, he was going to get himself killed if he didn't learn how to use the ray gun. Then before Poison could cut it off, flash-

_"Hey, Poison?"_

_"Yeah, Bert? I'm kind of busy right now, what do ya need?"_

_"Do I need to learn how to use a ray gun like the rest of you guys?_

_"...No, you're to young for stuff like that. We'll protect you. Do you trust me?"_

_"Yeah. I do."_

Ah. fuck. That was it the burning feelings of guilt and anger swelling up in his heart. Maybe he should be grateful as least he could still feel those emotions instead of nothing at all. It wasn't worth it anymore so he stamped out his cigarette against the sole of his shoe. He reached up to knock his hair out of his face but instead felt wetness against his cheeks. He was crying he realized slowly, but he couldn't feel it. He didn't feel anything. That thought made him shake his head.

Party Poison breathed heavily trying to ignore the hot tears dripping down his cheeks. He could hear Jet star walking up behind him so he quickly wiped them away, sniffing and clearing his throat before thrusting his hands into his pockets and forcing a fake smile onto his face wiping away all of the evidence. Jet star knelt down next to him studying him for a few minutes while he stared back blankly.  
"You don't have to hide whatever you're feeling, Poison. Just because you're the leader doesn't mean it has to be like this. Let us share the burden." Jet star asked quietly and for a minute Poison felt his façade of confidence waver but then he straightened up, shoved his red hair out of his eyes and grinned.

"Where's Kobra and princess? Are they back yet?" He asked raising his eyebrows.

Jet sighed. "Yep they're waiting by the trans-am. I gave him a bag with some supplies and stuff in it. I even drew him a map and gave him orders to memorize it and then burn it afterwards but-"

"Good, it's getting dark. Let's go give the city slicker a name, before I get so sick of him that I kick him out before we have a chance to." He says it in a joking way but the words sound cold and hollow. Poison briefly wished he didn't feel that way. Hollow and empty but it didn't matter. Poison's heart was like a broken run down shack, ghosts swarmed the halls and monsters in the shadows. He couldn't do anything to fix it so he just decided to ignore what was there. Because it was so much easier than having to deal with a haunting. Jet star looks like he's going to say something else but Poison's already walking past him and towards the trans-am.

Sure enough, both of them stood in a sort of semi circle in front of the trans-am. Neither of them looking very happy when Poison walked into their little séance and stood between them, maybe just to be an asshole and maybe because he didn't like how attached Kobra was getting. Jet star completed the circle and he faced princess the disappointed look fading from his eyes and replacing itself with it's regular gentleness.

"So, do you have any idea why we choose aliases in the desert?" Jet asks and princess who had been busy glaring daggers at Poison looked away resuming his usual half calm half defiant look.

"I'm not completely ignorant about desert traditions. My mom came from the desert before she..." He froze becoming suddenly very interested in the sand before continuing roughly. "I know that names are dangerous in the desert. Telling someone your real name is one of the most sacred, beautiful, and dangerous thing you can ever do here because you have to trust that person whole heartedly."

"That's right. You're pretty smart for a city slicker, you know? You didn't give Party Poison your name when he asked for it, not that he can't be trusted. You just don't know any of us very well." Jet waited for a reaction but princess didn't give one and Poison felt a microscopic tinge of amusement. He must've been picking up tips from Kobra. "Besides that our names are everything we have left of our former lives. If better living can find out a killjoy's name they can dig up everything about their past. They'll have advantage against us, whatever we were running from they'll bring back twice as hard."

Kobra kid growing bored of all the serous stuff spoke up now. "So have you thought of any potential names yet?" Princess shrugged digging his shoe against the sand, smoothing over a hole.

"I've been a bit busy attempting to stay alive out here. The desert is fucking huge and most people that I've run into haven't been the friendliest. So that would be a no." He said and Poison forced a smirk onto his face ignoring the bitter taste in his mouth at the thought of what kind of people he might have ran into out there.

"Personally," Poison drew out the word and it rolled off his tongue smoothly drawing their attention. "I think we should keeping _Princess_ as his permanent name would be suitable. It kind of fits don't you think."

"Fuck you, Poison." He snapped and the angry from half an hour ago reared it's ugly head. Poison's smirk felt less fake as he got some sort of satisfaction from ticking him off. But then something sparked in the back of his mind.

"That's it." Poison exclaims snapping his fingers. They stare at him faces all drawn up in confusion, like their eyebrows are synchronized swimmers. "Do you know any Italian, princess?"

"Yes?" He said unsure of himself anger disappearing from his face. " I learned some from my grandmother before she died. She was half Italian and wanted to know the language of her ancestors before she died. There's rebellion even from inside of Bat city." Kobra and Jet touched his shoulder to show that they were sorry for his loss but Poison didn't let that phase him.

"Whats fuck you, in Italian?" Poison asked straight forward and Kobra laughed.

"I don't think his grandma was teaching him how to curse in Italian." He said but before he was finished laughing princess answered back.

" _Vaffanculo_." He replied and Poison forgot what he was thinking for a moment. Forget French, Italian was oddly sexy as fuck.

"Fun Ghoul." Poison said allowing himself a small smile. "You're name can be Fun Ghoul."

"I-." He frowned as if he was thinking intently and then slowly for the first time since they had met, Poison saw his lips twitch as if almost ready to turn into a smile. "Fun Ghoul. It feels right." He looked at Kobra who shrugged, then at Jet star.

"It fits." Jet star admits glancing at Poison with a smile on his face but he knew what it really was. A _thank you_.

Party Poison watched the name grow on him, changing him, breaking him down before rebuilding him into someone knew. He was no longer whatever his real identity was nor was he princess. Those people were dead standing in front of him was Fun Ghoul and just as the desert had accepted himself and his crew it was accepting him.

Poison wondered off handily what Fun ghoul would become. A monster, a ghost or a rebel. Those were the three things the desert gave you to choose from. You could either die, become someone terrible or rebel. For the small bit that Poison cared he hoped he lived long enough to be a real nuisance to Better living.

 


	6. Going isn't a option, staying will hurt like a bitch. (If this is what you want.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Party Poison was a mystery, one that Fun ghoul, wasn't so sure he wanted to unravel.

Just like everything else in Fun Ghoul's life, it took one moment of something potentially good happening before everything went up in flames around him.

The first drop was far from the worst.

"What the hell was that!?" Fun ghoul hissed pulling his arm in close to his body before looking up. Unnatural black clouds sprawl across the grey sky, billowing in from the west. The clouds cast a shadow over everything as the roll in closer, draining the color from the sand and sun casting them into darkness. The scent of rain is dark and heavy and Fun ghoul can't breathe as he swivels his head towards Poison and Kobra who stare up at the sky in a sort of angry shock while Jet star winces meekly. Party Poison drawn out of whatever haze in was in is drawn out of it as sky begins dribbling.

"Jet!? I thought you checked in with Dr. Death Defying!" Poison yelled grabbing his jacket and throwing it over his shoulders. Fun ghoul yelps as drops of rain begin falling faster but instead of just rolling off his skin like water should it hisses when it comes in contact with him, turning his skin red and stinging like a needle had just pricked him. A jagged bolt of lightning rips open the sky, Ghoul throws his arm's over his face wincing each time a rain drop pierces his skin.

"I did check in on him!" Jet yells over the wind grabbing bags by the fire and throwing them into the trans-am. "I tried to warn you but you didn't listen! We've got to get our stuff into the car before it gets here!" Poison looks like he's about to retaliate but Ghoul kicks him drawing his attention.

"Why the fuck are you talking about a doctor!? Why is the rain _burning_ me!?" Fun ghoul shouts as the wind picks up, drops fall harder covering his skin and beginning to soak his clothes.

Party Poison's eyes widen as if he's just remembering that Ghoul is still there. "No. No fucking way. This can not be happening." Fun ghoul would raise an eyebrow at him if he was currently more focused on eliminating the amount of skin the rain could come in contact with. He was only wearing a think shirt whilst Poison had on a jacket and more coverage.

"Poison pull yourself together!" Kobra shoved past them knocking the two of them apart in attempt to start throwing sleeping bags and supplies back into the trans-am. "Ghoul, the rain is burning because it isn't water. It's acid and it won't kill us but it's going to hurt like a bitch and if we don't get into the trans-am it's going to burn right through our clothes." Ghoul's eyes widened as Kobra kid finished throwing the last bag into the car just as it began pouring, soaking through his clothes.

It felt like his skin was on fire, like those bugs before the helium wars that could sting you, it felt like needles were piercing his skin and Jet star had just thrown himself into the passenger seat but Fun Ghoul was trapped in a staring contest with Party Poison. The wind whipped around them violently, and Ghoul fought against it to stay grounded. For the first time Ghoul saw an emotion on Poison's face that wasn't anger or hate. It was fear, his eyes had gone wide but his face was blank and completely unreadable. His pupils were blown out big and for the second time Ghoul noticed how his irises burned wildly like an uncontainable hazel fire.

The rain was pounding down all around them but they stood frozen because they had just realized what this meant and neither were happy about it.

"Ghoul, get in the car!" Jet star ordered loudly noticing the intense look on both of their faces. Fun ghoul shouldered his bag uncomfortably the flames spreading down his arms and into the pit of his stomach, his face, his heart.

"I think I better be going!" He shouted back. "I've caused enough trouble already! I can manage on my own."

"That's right, just go." Poison said quietly his voice shaking and Ghoul was surprised he heard him. Something about how he said it rang false and he ignored Kobra's shouts of protest and turned to face Poison slowly.

Poison's red hair whipped around in the wind, his face was a pale contrast against the darkness and his eyes were bright and pleading. Rain tracked trails down his cheeks or could that be tears? What the fuck? Then the anger was back.

"You need to go!" He spat. "Go and find shelter before it gets worse!"

"No!" Kobra was yelling, anger etched so deep into the curves of his face that Ghoul had to wonder if the poker face was gone forever. "I'm not going to let you turn yourself into a fucking monster, Poison! This isn't you, alright!? I swear to god if you let Ghoul leave, their won't be anything left of you! Please, Poison! Bert would've have hated you for this!"

Fun ghoul saw nothing but blankness on Poison's face, but Kobra was nearly jumping out of the car again but Jet star held him inside. Fun ghoul nodded at Kobra and Jet in a goodbye and then turned beginning to walk away, the burning in his skin reaching almost insane levels of pain.

"God damnit!" Party Poison yelled angrily from behind him and then there was a hand on the back of his collar dragging him backwards and Poison was shoving him into the car next to Kobra who looked relieved, slamming the door shut and climbing into the car himself and punching the steering wheel.

Ghoul was shocked, leaning back against the seat, changing into the clothes Jet star kept handing him almost mechanically. His eyes remaining on Party Poison as he calmed his breathing, hair dripping water onto the dashboard as he rested his forehead against the steering wheel. Fun ghoul pulled a new shirt over his head as the stinging slowly stopped, he handed Kobra the wet one. He opened his mouth to talk but Jet star shook his head slowly, pressing a finger to his lips then glancing at Poison. Fun ghoul leaned back again remaining quite. Kobra kid reaching forward pressed his hand against his brother's back.

"Thank you, Party." He whispered and slowly Poison put the keys into the ignition and started the car as he pulled off into the night Ghoul could hardly think straight. That was the last words any of them would speak for a while and as they rested back in their seats Fun ghoul realized something. Whatever had just happened was starting something, and the fact that Kobra kid was being so adamant about Ghoul staying meant something that he didn't want to think about.

Another thing:

Party Poison was a mystery, one that Fun ghoul, wasn't so sure he wanted to unravel.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the first time in my life I discovered a song called pumped up kicks by foster the people three days ago. I didn't know what the lyrics were about so I was humming it as school and it took about twenty strange looks and a conversation from my friend to understand what I was unintentionally doing. Opps! Sorry for giving half my school a heart attack!


	7. Reminders from the past are never pleasant. (Undeserving of your sympathy.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why does he hate me?" Ghoul asked quietly so Jet wouldn't hear him and so he wouldn't wake Poison up. Ghoul's eyes ghosted over Party Poison face and noticed the way his lips twitched like he was calling out silently, his brow was furrowed whatever nightmare he was caught in made him make a small noise of pain. Kobra looked up and saw who Fun ghoul was staring at then looked back down. His hand stilled on the paint brush halting it's track of green goo across the ray gun.
> 
> "I don't think he hates you." Kobra said quietly. "I think you just remind him of somebody, who would be much easier to forget."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so tired and I have a headache but this chapter is worth it because we are getting closer to the main plot and some gay. ;) Anyways I just want to thank everyone for leaving comments and kudos! I love you all so much! Now onto the chapter.  
> Ps. Use of homophobic slur in a flashback but it's pretty mild.

It could have been raining for hours, days, or even weeks and Fun Ghoul wouldn't have been able to tell the difference if it wasn't for the still functioning clock in the dashboard that flashed the time every few minutes. It has been nearly seven hours since they had locked themselves in the trans-am for shelter.

It was driving Ghoul completely insane. It had been quite in the car for the majority of the couple of hours except for a brief minute when he worked up the courage to ask why the rain in the desert was so messed up. Fun ghoul had lived in the city his whole life and never once had the rain burned his skin the entire time his lived with it's walls.

"Well the atmosphere is pretty much fucked because of the helium wars, the bombs and the fires but if that wouldn't have done the trick Better living sure made it worse. Dr. Death defying has a theory that Better Living is tinkering with some new technology that poisons the rain. Cherri cola dug some stuff up about it a while back but as far as I know the rains been dangerous since before Party and I got out here and met Jet star. So I don't know." Kobra replied both eyebrows raised and Ghoul wasn't sure if he preferred his current poker face or actually being able to see Kobra's emotions laid out clearly.

Then the trans-am went quite again and left Fun Ghoul to squirm uncomfortably in his seat as time passed, by no noises other than the rain tapping against the window ominously. Fun ghoul went back to picking at the red blisters popping up on his skin from where the rain had soaked through his shirt the worst. Jet star was asleep in the passengers seat with his curly hair sticking out in all directions even more frizzy than usual because of the humidity, he slept soundlier than Ghoul could ever hope to sleep again and for a moment he was jealous.

Then he remembered why he had his nightmares and hoped that despite them being terrifying and painful that they never went away. Because if they did Fun ghoul might have to find another way to punish himself for the crimes he had committed and for allowing his friends to die.

Kobra kid wasn't asleep but he sure was faking pretty well, if it wasn't for the constant tapping of his fingers against the car door, Ghoul never would have been able to tell the difference. Honestly Kobra's sun glasses were so dark, his eyes could've been wide open and Fun ghoul would never be able to tell.

And Party Poison? Well, Fun ghoul was trying his best not to look at him. But despite his best efforts every now and then he would slide his eyes to the rear view mirror and take a peek. He kept noticing the smallest things about him that made some of the fierce burning in his chest come back.

He noticed the way Poison looks comfortable at the wheel from a distance, that is if you weren't really looking, but if when Ghoul looked closer he could see Party Poison's hands clenching so tightly around the steering wheel that his knuckles turned white.

His eyes stare intently out the window in front of him searching for a road through the pouring rain but Ghoul knows that they are lost. They've been driving around for hours but even if they did whatever Poison was looking for it wouldn't matter in till the rain stopped.

Fun ghoul also noticed the way Party Poison chewed his bottom lip nervously sometimes when the silence became to suffocating, the way Poison's red hair kept catching in the breeze from the air conditioner and twisting in an almost sad dance to the low thrum of the radio.

Fun ghoul was surprised at first to hear actual music coming through the radio but Jet star explained that this Dr. Death defying fellow was not an actual doctor but a pirate radioist and Dj.

But besides all of the things Fun ghoul had noticed the most noticeable of them all  was the burning nearly suffocating tension in between both of them. If there wasn't proof right in front of him he never would have believed so much tension could be between two people only blocked by the back of Poison's seat.

Eventually though even Fun ghoul got tired, slouching back in his seat and closing his eyes. He listened to the rain pattering loudly against the top of the car, it was kind of annoying at first but then as he slipped deeper into the restlessness of his dreams it became oddly peaceful. That was in till the nightmares started up again chasing away any hope of getting a peaceful sleep.

_White. Everything starts with white._

_This time it's the white of his shirt contrasting heavily with the tan sand, and the pale of his face against the starch of night.  Frank was running now, legs stretching the distance of a few steps and getting a few paces before tripping over uneven patches of sand and random shrubs. Sand shifted under his feet and he knew that one wrong move would send him tumbling to the ground and his pursuers would be able to catch him._

_"Poor little city slicker better run back to the city!" One of them taunted closing in on him close enough to shove him. He stumbled but managed to stay upright on his feet, he kept running but it was useless they circled around him like predators trapping their prey._

_"You should think again before talking to us!" The leader snarled tripping him and this time Frank did go down, tripping head over heals rolling in till he came to a stop next to a row of boots. "Don't you know who we are!?"  His boot came to kick him, sending pain screaming through his ribs._

_"Please stop." Frank begged as their boots lashed out against him. Bruising him, making him bleed. His eyes squinted up at them and he counted them, their were four of them. Angry looking and wild, beards tangled and crazy piercings. Frank could feel the ray gun burning against his side and he knew that if he pulled it out he could have his way with them._

_"Do you think that you're better than us!?" The craziest of the bunch shouted aiming a kick right at Frank's face. Blood spurted from his nose and he coughed it up. Another kick to his side and he rolled to the right along with it, something knocked up against his side slowly something other than pain registered in his brain. He looked up locking eyes with a nervous looking killjoy in bright colors, he didn't have a beard and he didn't seem angry like the others in fact. He was younger and seemed scared, he backed away from Frank like he had a disease and he would catch it if he stood too close. The kicking stopped for a moment as the leader wrapped an arm around the boy's shoulder._

_"Have at him, Reject. We've got to teach this city scum his place." He said chuckling and shoving the kid forward but he shook his head eyes wide and resumed his place and far away as possible. The leader growled shoving him and then spat down onto Frank's cheek, the angry burning came back and began eating away at his insides._

_When the name calling started the fire became an open flame, gnawing away at his humanity, turning his dignity to ashes, his feelings to smoke. Pain growing inside of him like the mass of red behind his eyelids as he tried to shield himself from the monster, the thing, growing inside of him with each spoken insult._

_"City Slicker!"_

_"Ritalin rat!"_

_"Faggot!"_

_"You should've died trying to escape the city!"_

_"Where did the slits on your wrists come from!?"_

_"Little bitch!"_

_"Punk!"_

_The kicks started up accompanying each insult like the backfire of a gun._

_"Freak!"_

_"Nobody!"_

_"Drac lover!"_

_"I hope everyone you ever loved is dead-"_

_Frank doesn't remember doing it, he swears he can't remember anything except. RED. BRIGHT EVERLOVING RED. James's favorite color and later Poison's hair color. Then his hand was around the barrel of the ray gun and his finger was on the trigger._

_Blast! Dead James._

_Blast! Dead Bob._

_But this time he was killing them._

_Blast! Dead killjoy._

_Blast! Dead Kid._

_The kicking stopped and the screaming started, footsteps began running away from him pounding against the sound as wails of terror ran out from his previous torturers. Only when their footsteps faded did he open his eyes, and unclench his shaking hands from the ray gun and drop it into his lap. When his eyes opened he was greeted with a sight he would never forget for the rest of his life in he met the phoenix witch._

_One of his attackers were lying dead to his right with a sizeable bullet hole through his forehead but in front of him was the kid who had refused to hurt him either out of fear or generosity._

_Frank was a monster._

_He was collapsed against the desert floor, blood gushing out of an open wound in his stomach painting the sand in shades of scarlet, his eyes were wide and searching the sky and he tried to talk, blood bubbled out of his mouth._

_"No. No. NO." Frank murmured crawling forward and bringing the Killjoy halfway onto his lap." I'm sorry. Oh god I didn't mean to. I can fix it. I can't fix this, don't worry." He pressed his hands against the bleeding hole in his stomach but it was no use blood gushed out around his hands._

_"I-I..." The killjoys tried to talk but blood dribbled out of his mouth coating his chin in scarlet. Frank was looking frantically around for someone to help him but no one was there. His good for nothing crew had abandoned him when the shots rang out. Frank watched helpless as the lights behind his eyes faded, his heart stopped, and his eyes stayed staring up at the stars for the last time frozen for all eternity. Just like James's and Bob's._

_And HE had done that. HE had done that._

_Frank was a monster. Even if he tried to hide behind his aliases: Fun Ghoul, he could never hide from his own memories._

_Fun Ghoul was a monster._

Fun Ghoul jerked awake with a shout, sitting up so quickly he nearly hit his head against the top of the trans-am. He breathed in heavily closing his eyes as he tried to erase the nightmare from his head. It wasn't just a nightmare and no matter how hard you try you can not run from your past.

Fun ghoul opened his eyes again as he leaned back against the seat again trying to calm the erratic beating of his heart. Then Ghoul looked up and caught Party Poison staring at him in the reflection of the rear view mirror. Fun ghoul expected for him to look disapproving and make some snide comment but he just stared back calmly, almost sympathetically  if Ghoul didn't know better.

For a few seconds they were caught in each other's gazes, Hazel fires met broken glass and then Poison cleared his throat.

"You have quite a lot of nightmares." Poison said quietly his voice smooth like honey but at the same time scratchy like sand paper.

"I assume you do too, right?" Ghoul asked and it wasn't a judgment just an observation. "I've never seen you sleep. Why don't you sleep, Poison?"

It was quite for a moment and it seemed they were caught in a cross fire. Neither of them really wanted to answer. Fun ghoul was almost drifting off to sleep again when Poison's voice filled the silence.

"I do. Have nightmares, that is." Party Poison said trying to sound confident but the way he whispered it gave himself away, making Fun ghoul sure that whatever he was feeling was a small slip under his usually confident façade.

"What do the nightmares feel like?" Fun ghoul asked just as quietly as he eyes traveled over a sleeping Kobra kid to his right. He couldn't look at Poison. This felt wrong, weirdly intimate in a way that made him wish they could just go back to yelling and being angry.

"They're not like tremors..." Poison began quietly and Fun ghoul found himself listening to him intently. When he wasn't yelling there was something melodic about how he spoke, his voice flowed like lyrics to a song. Like Party Poison was a poet composing up a poem on the spot. "They are worse than tremors, they are these terrors. Sometimes it feels like someone is gripping my throat and squeezing. But then the nightmares actually start up and it's like impossible to tell what is real or not because sometime the dream's aren't just nightmares there-"

"Reality." Ghoul whispered and Poison nodded eyes sparkling.

"Sometimes I see flames and sometimes I see the people I love dying. But when it really matters I can't ever wake up." Party Poison finished his eyes darting back and forth between Fun ghoul and his sleeping crew.

"I can't ever wake up either." The trans-am fell back into silence but it was like an acknowledgement of the others name and it wasn't uncomfortable.

"Who are James and Bob?" Poison blurted out suddenly and Fun ghoul froze, eyes widening.

"What?" He croaked.

"Sorry nothing." Poison cursed leaning back down into his seat and threading his hands into his hair, sighing. "It's just... You talk in your sleep."

Fun ghoul forced himself to nod and they made eye contact one last time before he was twisting away, curling himself into a ball and staring out the window, willing himself to fall asleep again. Nothing could ever make him talk about them again. He was unworthy to even speak their names. Eventually his pain turned to tiredness and he fell asleep again, only to start the entire process over again when he did.

 

In what Ghoul hopes is the morning or it could even be the next night, he wakes up to Kobra messing with some art supplies and Jet star fiddling with the channels on the radio. The car has been parked and pulled off behind a couple of grouped together cacti, and Poison is asleep in the driver's seat. Fun ghoul guessed he finally passed out from sleep exhaustion. It rained as hard as ever outside and the clouds were so dark that it was nearly impossible to see the sun.

"It's about time you woke up." Kobra says nudging him then holding up a jar of paint. "I may not be the most creative person but we have got to do something about your ray gun."

"Oh, uh, yeah." Fun ghoul said, swallowing uncomfortably and pulling it out of his waist band. He felt sick just touching the thing that had already caused him to kill two other human beings, so he was relieved when Kobra plucked it out of his hands to study him.

"Morning, Ghoul." Jet star greeted him smiling before a shock of static was interrupted on the radio.

"Hello?" The voice answer snarkily. "Pete if this is you again, I swear to the sand and the suns, I'm gonna knock your teeth out next time I see you."

"Nice to hear you voice again, Showpony." Jet star replied laughing. _Who's Showpony?_ Fun ghoul mouthed at Kobra kid. _I'll explain later._ He mouthed back.

"Jet star!? How's my favorite killjoy?" The man on the other end of the radio asked his demeanor changing almost imeadelty. "Did yall get the stuff?"

"I'm doing all right. The rain has kind of got us in a bit of a fix but we're doing okay so far." Jet star's eyes slid towards Fun ghoul for a minute then said his next few words slowly and precisely. "We've got the _package_. But we've kind of got someone else we picked up in the zones. I'll explain later when we get to your spot. Is that okay?"

"Another zone runner?" Showpony asked interested. "Can he be trusted?"

"Yes." Kobra spoke up shoving his face right next to Jet's near the radio. Showpony chuckled.

"Alright, Kobra. I'll take your word for it. You've always been a fairly good judge of character, though I don't see why you hang around with Pete. That little motherfucker stole my skates again." He replied and Kobra laughed handing Jet the radio mic back.

"So we'll see ya soon, Showpony." Jet star answered and Showpony snorted.

"Okie dokie but make sure you bring the package back safely, we don't need another mission going Costa Rica." Then the air waves were filled with silence again and Jet put the radio away.

Fun ghoul thinks about asking what Costa Rica meant but Kobra kid was already shoving a paint brush and stickers into his hands and demanding that they decorate his ray gun.

"It's abnormal for a Killjoy to have a white ray gun. White stands for perfection and everything Better living strives for. Color is bright, beautiful and rebellious, its dangerous and creative." Kobra kid explained and so they set apon the ray gun painting the entire thing a bright green called 'Monster goo.' with a sick feeling in his stomach Ghoul thought that it couldn't have been more appropriate. But to his surprise with every sticker that he added it felt like he was erasing the damage he had done with it. Fun ghoul found himself painting a smiley face with crossed out eyes and sewn up lips.

Fun ghoul felt like that smiley face sometimes. His eyes blurred over because he couldn't see anything clearly anymore without thinking of the horrors of his past. His lips sewn shut because no matter how many secrets he possessed he could never tell anyone about them or they would hate him.

"Why does he hate me?" Ghoul asked quietly so Jet wouldn't hear him and so he wouldn't wake Poison up. Ghoul's eyes ghosted over Party Poison face and noticed the way his lips twitched like he was calling out silently, his brow was furrowed whatever nightmare he was caught in made him make a small noise of pain. Kobra looked up and saw who Fun ghoul was staring at then looked back down. His hand stilled on the paint brush halting it's track of green goo across the ray gun.

"I don't think he hates you." Kobra said quietly. "I think you just remind him of somebody, who would be much easier to forget."

Before Fun ghoul could answer Party Poison awake from his nightmare, eyes shooting open with a gasp, his hazel eyes filled with panic and locked with Fun ghoul's. He was the first to look away.

A silent conversation between Kobra kid and Fun ghoul told him to never bring up what they had just talk about in front of Party Poison.

In Fun ghoul's mind, Party Poison was becoming less of a villain and more of a mystery. Who did he remind Poison of so much that every time they looked at each other, his eyes held an almost burning hatred or tired pain?

Something he couldn't help but thinking was that Hazel eyes that held so much beauty should never look so pained.


	8. The smile with the power to throw the world off balance. (Who's teaching me to love?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Party Poison tried his best not to stare directly at Fun Ghoul when he said it but he couldn't help looking up and making eye contact him. "It's to late. Kobra and Jet star are attached to you, if I let you sneak off in the middle of the night they would kill me."  
> "I think you can manage." Ghoul said shaking his head before handing the fresh cigarette back to him and looking away, his eyes flitting uncomfortably towards the ground.  
> "Listen Ghoul, just..." Poison breathed out trying to pretend that the warmth in his chest was from the smoke in his lungs. "Don't go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I was writing this I kept replaying semi-automatic by Twenty One Pilots over and over. I'm not even sorry. :)  
> Poison's. P.O.V

Party Poison was a man of honesty, it wasn't like he went around proclaiming that he was the most patient person in the zones but if he had to spend another couple of days in this car with his crew and Fun ghoul he might actually lose his shit.

Fun Ghoul was one of the most infuriating people he has ever met. What started out as genuine dislike for the guy had turned to a numb sort of curiosity, self destructive passion, and anger. Another thing he noticed was that he received satisfaction from pissing Ghoul off which wasn't easy to do because unlike most people Poison knew it took him a while to get under his skin. Like a conversation earlier where Poison's sarcastic comments were only battled by cool replies.

"You know Ghoulie," Party Poison said pleasantly the nickname rolling of his tongue in ease. "You don't look very happy back there? Whatever is bothering your precious little thoughts?"

"How would you feel if you were trapped in a car for three days straight with this guy who kept attempting to make your life a living hell? I don't think you would be all smiles and sunshine then." Ghoul replied flicking the glass of the window with his nail not even bothering to look up. Poison admired his calmness, Kobra by now, probably would've been yelling.

"Well, if the guy was as stunningly attractive as me, I don't think I'd mind." Party Poison said sarcastically and instead of getting angry the corners of Fun ghoul's lips tipped up as if he was fighting back a smile. It wasn't his intention but something about that made him feel almost as satisfied as when he could get him yelling.

"Fuck off, Poison." He answered back finally before the car delved into silence again and he and Kobra kid started playing another game of tic tac toe on a spare scrap of paper.

This was how most of their conversations went and a few times when Party Poison did manage to get a rise out of him it took both Kobra Kid _and_ Jet star to get both of them to calm down enough so that they weren't a danger to each other. But as much as Poison wouldn't like to admit it, it wasn't all bad.

At least it wasn't bad when Ghoul was asleep and neither of them could do anything to ruin it. Party Poison had a tendency to watch Fun ghoul sleep.

It wasn't as creepy as it sounds really, it wasn't like he kept meaning for it to happen. He didn't watch him on purpose but Ghoul was almost impossible to keep his eyes off of and then of course, there was that talking in his sleep thing.

Poison eye's were tracing down over Fun ghoul's tense face when he made a sound of pain wrenching heart break.

"Help! Please, Bob. Help him! James!" Ghoul whispered twisting and turning in his seat. Poison checked to see if he woke up Kobra kid or Jet star but they kept sleep peacefully. Fun ghoul woke up and caught him staring. Party Poison would've been embarrassed if not for the gaping hole where his heart should've been, instead he found himself asking Ghoul about his nightmares.

It wasn't long before Party Poison was talking about his own, ones that he hadn't even had the heart to share with his brother. Fun ghoul was so different from anyone that he had ever met because when Poison talked he actually listened. Full heartedly and completely like everything Poison said was Important and it made the emptiness inside of him feel even more empty like he was lacking something that Fun ghoul could give him.

This only frightens Party Poison more because he can just feel the opportunity for something bad to happen growing.

Poison shakes his head drawing himself out of his thoughts and back into his body. His eyes strain against the dark as he checks for the road markers even though he knows he won't find any. Fun Ghoul, Jet Star, and Kobra kid are all asleep again and Poison allows himself to relax because the rain has finally started to lighten up. Party Poison makes himself look up at the sky instead of at Fun ghoul's sleeping face.

The moon being distorted by the haze of night begins to peak out from behind the clouds, the rain drops left on the wind shield twist his vision into a kaleidoscope effect. It's barely raining now, just small drops fall from the sky in till they stop completely. The clouds roll away slowly opening up an entire canvas of stars imprinted on the sky like drops of white paint splattered against it. Poison can almost hear Jet star scolding him because he's worried for their safety. _Keep your eyes on the road, Gerard. Jesus, Poison your not even wearing your seat buckle at least pay attention to where your driving._ Party Poison is surprised when a tinge of amuse works it's way past the black sludge inside of his chest but it quickly disappears when he thinks of the way Bert used to laugh when Jet star would turn into the killjoy's chaperone and start scolding them.

Poison begins pulling off to the side of the road, he was itching for a cigarette anyways. The rain has stopped completely, so when he brings the car into park he pulls of his jacket. He climbed out of the car as quietly as he could trying his best not to step on the empty cans on the floor of the trans-am from the last time they had eaten.

He slipped out, shutting the door silently, his boots making squelching noises against the wet sand as he walked towards the front of the car. Poison groaned as he stretched his limbs as they cracked and made popping noises. It felt so good to be standing up again. The last time he'd been in the trans-am that long was the time Korse had managed to find their latest hiding spot and the killjoys had to sleep in the car for weeks in till they found a new one. _Dark times_ , he thought sarcastically but the truth was he'd trade anything to go back to days like those. Before the firefight. Before what happened to Bert. Before Poison lost himself. Before his heart disappeared, carving nothing but a black hole filled with bad emotions into it's place.

Poison shook his head, flipping open his case of cigarettes and pulling one of the last four out of it before lighting it up quickly and inhaling. He made a mental note to get more when they got to the market place sometime later today.

Party Poison's eyes scanned the horizon as he drew more smoke into his lungs, he heard the click of a car door opening and the slight shift of the sand moving as someone climbed out of the car. They walked forward slowly and nervously each step sending sand spilling away. Having spent so much time in the desert with his crew he knew imeadelty by the sound of the person's walk that it wasn't Kobra or Jet star so that only left...

"Couldn't stay away could you, Ghoulie?" Poison said mockingly but his voice sounded dull even to his own ears. Fun ghoul shifted into his line of sight, leaning back against the hood of the trans-am next to Party Poison. Poison could almost count each of the inches in between them, he tried not to look over but his curiosity got the better of him. Fun ghoul wasn't looking at him either but instead the sky or more specifically the stars with a look of pain on his face. Poison imeadelty wanted to make that look go away. "Am I just that irresistible?"

Ghoul's eyes met with his, drawing his attention away from the stars the look disappearing and replacing itself with a defiant look instead. "No, don't get your hopes up. I just couldn't sleep."

"Me either, obviously." Party Poison snorted flicking some ash off the end of his cigarette, exhaling smoke out of his mouth and watching it roll away into the sky. Poison caught him staring at his cigarette.

"Can I bum a cigarette?" Fun ghoul asked uncertainly his fingers running through his hair.

"Ever smoked before?" Poison asked with raised eyebrows as he stamped out his current one against the hood of the trans-am.

"No." Ghoul said defiantly and for some reason that made Poison laugh quietly and less fake than it usually sounded before he was pulling out another one and handing it to him. Fun ghoul fumbled with it for a second while Poison pulled out a lighter and then lite it, their hands brushed as he pulled away. Poison did his best to ignore the tingling in his hand where Ghoul's had brushed against his.

"Well, don't tell Jet star. He'll kill me for trying to corrupt you, kid." Party Poison said watching as Fun ghoul stared at it as if trying to figure out what to do with it.

"I told you I'm not a fucking kid." Ghoul glared at him before sticking it up to his lips and inhaling deeply. He held it for a moment in his lungs like you should and then blew out smoothly, smoke escaping his lips in an O.

"Hm, you didn't cough." Poison observed. Most people started hacking and coughing as soon as the bitter smoke entered their lungs for the first time.

Fun ghoul shrugged inhaling again. "Trust me this is nothing. I've been breathing worse shit in the city since I was born. The levels of smaug and pollutions in the slums in disgusting. My lungs are pretty much as fucked as their going to get." 

Party Poison listened taking in that fact and trying to remember as much as he could about his time in the city. Honestly he couldn't remember much and he stopped trying when he got distracted trying not to think about the way Ghoul's lips looked wrapped around the cigarette.

"You lived in the slums, hunh?" Poison asked plucking the cigarette out of Fun ghoul's mouth and drawing some smoke into his own lungs. He felt Ghoul stiffen beside him and wasn't sure if it was because of the question or how close Poison's fingers were from his lips a few seconds ago.

"I don't want to talk about it." Ghoul said breathily his eyes darting up back towards the sky and Party Poison frowned passing back the cigarette. He took it but his eyes remained fixated on the sky.

"That's fine, we don't have to talk." Party Poison said quietly ignoring the warm feeling in his chest that wasn't coming from the warmth of the smoke in his lungs. So they were quite for a few minutes, passing the cigarette back and forth eyes training on everything that wasn't each other. Poison on the other hand took that moment to study him. He's wearing a vest that Kobra bought a few weeks ago from the market but didn't fit in it and a yellow and black t-shirt that look good on him. Then Poison's eyes scan over the tattoos on his left arm and hand, there are four of them. The first one are stars spaced out across his arm turning the entire thing into a galaxy, then two small flowers in different shades of blue and green and lastly a small rabbit. They're fresh because he must've gotten them done at some point after he got out of the city. Fun ghoul runs a hand through his black hair, tugging at it uncomfortably as if he can sense Poison's eyes on him. They pass the cigarette back and forth in till it eventually burnt out and Ghoul stamped it out against the dirt. Fun ghoul stood next to him shifting back and forth like he's going to go get back in the car but then changes his mind.

"Poison, can I ask something without you getting angry?" Fun ghoul asks and Poison's eyes flitted over towards.

"Doubt it." He answered indifferently watching as Ghoul's eyes swimming with pools of green, brown, and shades of blue lite up angrily.

"I'm being serious." He spat and Poison shrugged.

"I won't get mad." He waved his hand signaling for him to continue.

"Who is Bert?" Ghoul asked sinking his teeth into his bottom lip nervously. The black hole in Party poison's heart stuttered clenching in on it's self like it was going to finally drag the rest of himself into it. He swallowed back the panic and then anger began to build up in his stomach.

"How the hell do you know that name!?" Poison shouted grabbing Fun ghoul's arm and pushing him back against the hood of the trans-am. Fun ghoul flinched his eyes brightening in anger and something else.

"You said you wouldn't be angry." He said quietly as trying to push Poison away but he pushed him back, trapping him with an arm on either side of him, palms down against the hood of the car.

"How do you know that name?" Poison asked emptily forcing back the emotions rising in his chest, he felt Ghoul's heart beat against his chest.

"I'm not the only one who talks in my sleep." Ghoul says slowly wrapping his hand around Poison's wrist and slowly making him back away. It's quite for a few seconds as Party Poison tries to relax the weight on his shoulders and chest, he stares down at Ghoul's hand interlocked with his that he hasn't released yet.

"Your still holding my hand." Poison said dully and Ghoul let go like he'd been shocked. "I'm not going to talk to you about Bert if you won't talk about James and Bob."

He didn't expect him to actually answer him so when he began chewing his lip and talking, Poison was surprised but intrigued. "They were my best friends, I lived with them in the city together. I-I really don't- I can't-"

"It's alright." Poison says frowning as Ghoul breathes out roughly looking as if he was a animal caught in a trap, his eyes darting from the stars towards the ground. Party Poison could barely breathe himself and look hey, they both had something in common. _They were both broken._ "Bert was- ah fuck. Bert was just a kid, I was supposed to be protecting him." Poison's hands were shaking and when he looked down at Fun ghoul's he noticed that they were too.

Fun ghoul didn't say anything and so they just stood there for a few minutes, neither of them asked what happened to the other. Things like that you couldn't just ask someone you just met less than a week ago, especially someone you weren't sure if you wanted to punch in the face.

"James favorite color was red." Fun ghoul blurted out. "Bob's was purple."

"Did James love the stars?" Party Poison asks quietly and he can feel the way Ghoul is shaking because their shoulders are pressed against each others.

"He never got to see them." Ghoul whispered and that was it. They stopped talking and instead stared at the stars, they flashed and glimmered and for some reason began blurring together. Poison realized that his eyes were tearing up but he couldn't feel anything in his heart. He reached up and pressed a hand against his chest so he could feel the beating of it to make sure that it was still there. He wiped them away before Fun ghoul could see them then looked over at him and realized that he was wearing a back pack.

"Why do you have on a bag, Ghoulie?" Poison asks finally, the mocking nickname turned serious.

"I'm going to leave now. I know that Kobra kid doesn't want me to go but I'm not going to invade your life any longer." Ghoul said digging a hole in the sand with the tip of his shoe. "I'm gonna sneak out before they wake up."

"What?" Poison asks eyes shooting up from their place staring at the ground to staring deep into Fun ghoul's eyes.

"Will you tell them good bye for me? Just can you tell them I said thank you." Fun ghoul looking away from Poison who was frozen staring at them same place.

"No." Poison said blankly.

"I know you hate me, okay but fuck. Please could you just do this one fucking thing for me?" Ghoul pleaded angrily and Poison shook his head word spilling out of him before he even knew what he was saying.

Party Poison tried his best not to stare directly at Fun Ghoul when he said it but he couldn't help looking up and making eye contact him. "It's to late. Kobra and Jet star are attached to you, if I let you sneak off in the middle of the night they would kill me."

"I think you can manage." Ghoul said shaking his head before handing the fresh cigarette back to him and looking away, his eyes flitting uncomfortably towards the ground.

"Listen Ghoul, just..." Poison breathed out trying to pretend that the warmth in his chest was from the smoke in his lungs. "Don't go."

They're eyes met heatedly Poison's dull hazel ones with Ghoul's bright kaleidoscope eyes. Party Poison as hard as he tried knew that the warmth growing in his chest wasn't because of the smoke but because Fun ghoul was making him feel something he wasn't quite sure he wanted to feel.

"I won't leave then." Fun ghoul declared his lips tipping up at the corners. "I won't leave in till you tell me to."

Two armies were loading up their weapons and readying themselves for a battle inside of his mind. _I could make him stay. I could make him leave and never come back._ But then Poison's mind was made for him.

Because Fun ghoul was smiling, not faking it or having the corner of his lips tip up to imitate the real thing but he was _smiling_. The feeling in Poison's chest became a dull ache, growing so warm that he felt like he was going to explode. Fun ghoul was smiling at him and his eyes didn't look so hollow anymore, less like broken mirrors reflecting back everything that Party Poison hated about himself and more like the sun. It was like the world tore itself apart just so Poison could get a peek at what happiness looks like and it looked like Ghoul's smile. It was like the moon had died and the stars had completely disappeared, because Poison was being blinded by the sun and then-

It was gone. Ghoul was looking back up at the stars with his lips pressed back into a line and face set back behind it's mask.

Party Poison had never wanted anything more strongly than he did right at that moment. 

He wanted to make the sun come back out again. He wanted to make Fun ghoul smile more often.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason I feel like this wasn't very good so I might edit it later. Or not it depends I guess.


	9. Friend's are easy to make when you've had practice lieing. (The best part of believe is the lie.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alas after several days, nearly weeks I am back! Hopefully this chapter is long enough to satisfy your needs. lmao. Sorry it took so long, I have a list of excuses but I'm not going to lay them all out for you. Anyways here it is ta-da!!! :)

Fun Ghoul felt as if he was riding a strange sort of high for the rest of the night, he couldn't sleep but he didn't want to stay awake either so he stayed in a sort of perpetually state of awakeness for the rest of the night. He couldn't stop replaying the conversation he had had with Party Poison earlier that night. After everything, as much as Poison hated him, he asked him not to leave. Fun ghoul didn't know how to feel about it but it was a pleasant change from the usual arguing.  
As soon as Kobra kid and Jet star were awake Party Poison discussed some sort of plan to meet Showpony at the market so he could lead them to Dr. Death defying because his usual hideout had been swapped for a different one. Fun ghoul wasn't really listening he was to busy fixing a knife Kobra had asked him to tinker with earlier that morning. The blade was stuck inside of the handle, and instead of flipping out when it was needed it would get wedged shut. But from what Fun ghoul could understand this Dr. D person was incredibly important to the rebellion and Showpony was his side kick, a crazy crash queen who was known for owning one of the last pairs of skates on earth or at least in the zones.  
So that lead to where they were now, Fun ghoul sitting in the back seat tinkering with a couple of tools and forcing the blade of the knife out of the handle so that the next time Kobra needed it, it would pop out with ease.  
Kobra kid sat next to him flipping through the pages of an old comic grinning every now and then whenever he came across something funny enough to cause a break in his usual poker face.  
Jet star sat in the passenger seat fiddling with some envelope nervously, his window was rolled down and wind rushed through his hair tangling his fro further.  
Fun ghoul was reluctant to let his eyes wander over to Party Poison because whenever they did there was a strange reaction that filled his entire being that he wasn't quite sure he liked. His heart would race and his stomach would flutter uncomfortably. He had never felt anything like it. Poison's driving, as usual, the wind catching his hair and the red strands twist and tangle in the most fascinating way but his face is almost emotionless as he stares at the road, his head bobbing along to the music. Something Ghoul has picked up on is that Party's always like this when he’s feeling something he doesn't want the others to know about. Party Poison is the type of person who seems to get lost in his own thoughts a lot, encased in his own reality, with his problems, feelings and fears. Fun ghoul wondered if a person like Party Poison, a hero as arrogant as he was, had any fears. Fun ghoul's mind wandered to the only two times Party Poison had slept during this entire voyage, both times Poison had awoken with a gasp of terror sweaty strands of red hair stuck to his face and neck. Ghoul wanted nothing more than to comfort him knowing exactly how it felt to find your past invading your nightmares as well except for one thing. Fun ghoul was pretty sure if he tried to comfort him, Poison would probably punch him in the face.  
"Are you enthralled by my face, Ghoulie? Or do you actually have something to say?" Poison asks an eyebrow raised and Fun ghoul looks away from him realizing he's been caught staring.  
"I'd say the first one but there's not much to be enthralled with." Ghoul said smoothly trying to shove his feelings back down from his throat. A look flashed in Poison's eyes that might've been hurt before it was gone replaced with the empty look again, only masked by the forced laughter that erupted from him.  
"Lying makes you go to hell." He remarked and Kobra kid attention drawn from his comic snorts. Thanks, Kobra.  
"Eyes on the road, Party." Jet star said a look of amusement in his eyes as he looked back and forth between them.  
"Yeah, yeah. I know." Party Poison just rolled his eyes, turning up the music and driving faster but returning his attention back towards the vast landscape of the desert. Fun ghoul let his attention drift towards the music, it was loud and rough but drew him in like oxygen being consumed by a fire. He closed his eyes allowing himself to be drawn completely into the lyrics.  
_Fly away like the wind. Something god just can't forgive. Why is war just a fight while the innocent die? They can tear us apart, I'll still live in your heart. If your spirit gives up don't surrender your love. And the world will survive if we stand side by side. One day hope will arrive, now I must say goodbye. Dead silence, will come to rescue me. When violence has took this world away. Dead silence, I think we can't escape. 'Till death do us part in the end._  
Fun Ghoul reopened his eyes after the song ended and a different one started this time with a woman singing about a 'new Americana'. The road in front of them was no longer desert but was fading into something else. Huge colorful tents stretched from one side of the desert to the other as far as the eye could see, people in equally as colorful clothing strolled around to booths run by all types of people. Jet star who had caught him taking it all in with wide eyes as Poison pulled them into park smiled warmly at him.  
"Welcome Fun ghoul to one of the most happening places in the desert, the market place." Jet star said and Ghoul found himself pulling a half-smile, which was an improvement but still felt foreign on his lips. There hadn't been much to smile about since- he shook his head clearing all and any thoughts of James and Bob out of his head. He just wanted to experience this moment without worrying about that.  
"It's, er, wow." Ghoul wished he had something more intelligent to say about the subject but before Poison had the chance to point out what a blubbering idiot he had been Kobra kid was literally pulling him from the car.  
"God, I hope we see Pete I bet him six carbons that he couldn't take Show pony's skates again without him knowing. I won by the way but I know that bastard will find any way to weasel out of our deal." Kobra kid was about to drag Fun ghoul off into the blue but Poison grabbed his younger brother by the shoulder and hauled him back, Ghoul in tow.  
"Oh no, you don't." Party Poison said instead handing him a stack of carbons. "We're sticking together in till Showpony finds us and before then we need to go buy some more cans of food. We're running low now that we have another person traveling with us."  
Fun ghoul felt both relieved that Party Poison hadn't called him a member of the crew but before Ghoul could get stuffed back into his thoughts, Jet star was drawing his attention. Jet star began explaining what each booth was for and what some of the weird desert things meant, while the brothers behind them bickered good naturally.  
"And over there," Jet gestured towards a booth where a girl with bright blue hair sat on a bar stool. "Is where Killjoy's can get their tattoo's done. "  
"Mine were done by some guy I've never met before. I did a couple of odd job's for him like running messages across the sands and he offered to do them for free." Ghoul mumbled looking at his arm and remembering how they were only from a few weeks ago but felt like a life time away. Frank Iero felt like a completely different person, Frank was weak, stupid, he let his friends die, he was a monster that no one should ever have to know about. Fun ghoul was stronger, smarter, and he'll keep his new friends safe even if it takes a while to learn how to do that. Jet star smiled at him but before he could say anything their silence was interrupted by shouting.  
"I knew I would find my favorite little Killjoy's here, wassup my friends!?" A man wearing the most vivid and bold outfit Fun ghoul has ever scene rolled up to them wearing bright tights with blue polka dots, a halter top with the words Noise across the front and a helmet on even in this extreme heat.  
"Hello, Showpony. How have you been doing? Everything alright with the Dj?" Jet star asks as they fist bump naturally.  
"Ah, you worried about us? We've been doing great! Dr.D been trying to keep me out of Hyper-thrust, you know how he is. Doesn't want me in there with the rats but hey at least they have a decent customer like me to keep some of them outta trouble." Showpony rambled pulling off his helmet laughing as his curly brown hair fell into his face. Fun ghoul hadn't a clue what he was talking about so when his eyes trailed over to him, he nodded uncomfortably. "Hey, this must be that new zone runner you were talking about right?"  
"Uh, yeah. He's fresh from the city, but-" Jet tried to explain but Showpony wasn't listening instead he was grabbing Ghoul's hand and leaning down to kiss it slowly before up righting himself and winking.  
"Nice to meet you, city slicker. And let me tell you, you have some beautiful eyes." Showpony said wrapping an arm around Fun ghoul's shoulders.  
"Thank you?" It was more of a question than a reply but Fun ghoul was trying his best not to remove this Crash queens limb from his body.  
"No problem, lovely. My name is Showpony by the way and what might your name be?" Showpony asked in the sleaziest way possible but Ghoul wasn't sure if it was a joke or not at this point. If he had to guess it was just his personality seeing as how he had been hanging all over jet star a second ago.  
Then in a flash of Red hair and fiery hazel eyes, Showpony was transported a few feet away from him and Party Poison was standing in between a tense feeling in the air. His face remained blank and calm but his eyes were burning wildly, he was pissed.  
"Fun Ghoul." Party Poison spat emptily. "His name is Fun ghoul and he is not going to join the armada of people you trick into the desert equivalent of one night stands. Now can we please get down to the matter at hand. Where is Dr. Death defying?"  
Fun ghoul felt offended yet slightly charmed the Poison thought he had to stand up for him. That was, until he shot him an angry look that spoke volumes. Like it was his fault, Showpony was hanging all over him.  
"I see you haven't changed much since the last time we saw each other, Poison." Showpony shrugged it off laughing like he expected that to happen. Fun ghoul didn't miss the way Party's hands clinched into fists. "Well, let's go then. I'm sure Dr. D won't be happy if we keep him waiting."  
Jet star and Kobra who had remained semi-quite during the outburst took back up lead in the front behind Showpony as he began skating away, Poison right behind them with an intense glance at Fun ghoul, who took up the caboose following along awkwardly. Anther thing he noticed was that people around them would stop to stare every now and then, some would even point at them, whispering to each other. Fun ghoul felt like even more of an outsider, everyone seemed to know something that he didn't.  
But soon he didn't have to worry about it because they reached the end of the market place and continued their way past it on foot, the farther away they got the less people there were to mess with Ghoul's nerves. It wasn't long before they came across an old wooden shack, it was pretty big as far as shacks go and it was colored in spray paint and weird symbols and saying. The first few that jumped out at him being:  
_Keep Running._  
_Put on your war paint._  
_We're taking back the crown!_  
Showpony who had been leading the pack, slide open one of the slats in the wall and held it for the Killjoy's as the slipped through and into the shack.  
Fun ghoul swallowed nervously as he entered last, something about the way the Killjoy's talk about Dr. Death defying makes it sound like he's a very important part of the rebellion. Fun ghoul would hate it if he accidently managed to piss off one of the main leaders of the cause so he stayed behind Poison and Jet star.  
"I'll go get the Doctor, so we can get past the pleasantries." Showpony adds smugly before skating off somewhere into the shack. Kobra kid must have sensed his anxiety because he nudged Ghoul sympathetically, drawing his attention for a few seconds to remind him that he was there. Fun ghoul wasn't sure if he felt better or worse about the situation.  As soon as the door creaked opened Ghoul felt something in the atmosphere change, tension clung to every inch of the room, anxiety welled up in the pit of his stomach. Whoever this Dr. Death Defying is he was sure somebody important, like the president or some shit.  
"Hey, Look what the cat dragged in." A rough voice purred then someone was emerging from the shadows in the door. A man with dark sunglasses covered his eye's, brown tangled hair and beard smiled at them from the doorway. Another clearly unimportant fact to everyone in the room was that the man was in a wheel chair. Though the man was an older guy, Fun ghoul suspected that wasn't the reason for his crippledness.  
"Dr. D, how are you?" Party Poison smirks finally breaking into a smile and shaking Dr. Death defying's hand firmly.  
"Things are pretty polka-dotty up here. What about you and your crew?" Dr. D murmured his voice scratchy like sand paper, he slid the sun glasses off his face and then his eyes slid over Fun ghoul who stiffened. He didn't look angry or judgmental just curiose as his eyes started at his face, skimming over his features then trailing down the rest of his body, eyes freezing for a few seconds on the scars on his arm before looking back up amused. Before Poison could answer to the previous question Dr. D was firing off another one. "This one yours?" Fun ghoul knew that he probably meant a part of his crew or something about he had to fight back the rush of pink to his cheeks.

"I, er," Party Poison's eyes flickered towards him for a second then away just as quickly as they had came. "He's with us for now."

"Showpony was saying something about a lucky city rat running with you boys." Dr. D said nodding like he expected it, before reaching out to shake Fun ghoul's hand and Ghoul not expecting it flinched and stepped back. Dr. D raised an eyebrow at him and Ghoul cursed to himself it had been to long since he had been around anyone except the killjoys. "You're a jumpy one, aren't you?"

"Sorry, it's a habit. I'm Fun ghoul." Fun ghoul forced himself to say in what he hoped was a kind voice. It wasn't that he disliked the man before him or even Showpony who was lurking in the shadows behind the Doctor's wheel chair it was more that he was uncomfortable being around them. He didn't know them, so he couldn't trust them. It was as simple as that.

Dr. D snapped him out of his thoughts when a look of concern and disapproval flashed across his face. It was gone as soon as it came anger morphing back into a friendly smile so quickly, Ghoul wasn't even sure he had seen it.

"Well names aside, I'm glad my favorite crew is still alive and kicking." Dr. D replied and Kobra who had remained pretty quite spoke up with a grin in his voice.

"You say that to all the desert crews." Kobra retorted grinning.

"Yeah, but when he says it to us he _means_ it." Jet star joked and the tension in the air vanished with their laughter. Fun ghoul felt strange hearing the laughter of the men around him, of course he didn't laugh he was still working up the courage to smile. Kobra's laugh was high pitched and soft, Dr. D's was like the rumbling of a storm, Jet star's a deep chuckle, and a giggle from Showpony.  
Party Poison didn't laugh instead he pulled out a bright pink package from the inside of his jacket. He removed the contents of it carefully and whatever it was sobered the room back up. "This is the package you sent us to receive."

"Thanks, Poison this is going to be very useful over the next few months. I have a new mission for you boys if you want to take it but first," Dr. Death defying's eyes glanced at Ghoul and the others. "I think we should talk alone."

There it was again. That look from the Doctor, something that could only mean danger. Fun ghoul swallowed the sick feeling in his stomach as Jet star began shuffling the other's out the door. "Sure, Dr. D. Come on Kobra, Ghoul." Jet star ordered cheerfully.

They stepped back out into the wind, heat and the sand, Ghoul found it somewhat comforting. The sting of heat on his face reminding him he could still feel.

"You too, Showpony." Dr. D ordered sounding amused Ghoul laughed as he heard a colorful and vast supplies of curses exit the Crash queen's mouth as he skated out of the shack to join the circle of Killjoys.

"Not fair that I've got to babysit the kiddo's." Showpony grumbled nearly loosing his balance on the skates as he tried to kick a cactus.

"You're telling me." Jet star teased before ruffling Kobra's hair, Kobra swatted his hands away glaring and sticking his tongue out.

"Let's go to the market Ghoul. I wanna get some fun stuff. Poison's all tough and stuff about the necessity but I want some new spray paint. The _adults_ can stay and talk." Kobra hooked his arm in Ghoul's and then they were off, heading back towards the market place with a middle finger wave of goodbye towards Showpony, Ghoul was happy to accompany him.

Fun ghoul wasn't exactly sure what Kobra kid meant by fun stuff but over the next hour and a half he got a pretty good idea. They collected a new arsenal of spray paint, some more stickers for the Trans-am, and to many sharpies. Fun ghoul never thought he would say that but his pockets were stuffed to the brim with markers and Kobra was still going looking for any sort of artistic tool they had yet to get.

"Kobra kid?" A voice shouted suddenly from behind them. "Kobra is that you, my famous friend!?" Kobra kid whirled around disbelief coloring his face.

"Pete!? Hey, Man. What's up!? Where's the rest of your faction?" Kobra asked while doing some sort of complicated handshake with Pete.

"Joe and Andy are off getting some supplies and Patrick is around here somewhere. But what about you!? Where's the gang?" Pete replied excitedly.

"My brother's doing his leader thing. Jet star is with Showpony a while back." Kobra grinned then nudged Fun ghoul. "This is Ghoul."

"Hello, Ghoul. Nice to meet you. Are you a new member of the crew?" Pete questioned eyes appraising him.

"No." Ghoul answered at the same time Kobra said "Yes."

Pete raised an eyebrow. "It's complicated hunh?"

Kobra kid and Fun ghoul exchanged a look. "I guess you could say that."

"Hey, Kobra." Another person walked up, a boy wearing a fedora and glasses. He smiled at them curiously and then slid his hand into Pete's like it belonged there. Fun ghoul was caught off guard for a second but the more he watched them the more it seemed to fit. The way Pete seemed to relax against the other boy's shoulder and how their hands clung to each other tightly, he way their eyes lit up when they looked at each other.

"Fun ghoul, this is Patrick, Pattycakes, trick, light of my world, love of my life." Pete said smiling widely throwing an arm over Patrick's shoulder and tugging him closer to kiss him on the cheek. Patrick pulled away blushing, Kobra snorted and rolled his eyes.

"Hi." Ghoul waved at Patrick attempting a small smile.

"Sorry if Pete's trying to scare you away. He can be a little overwhelming at first but he's a great guy." Patrick said smiling at him warmly. Pete gasped as if offended, clutching his heart with one hand.

"Me, overwhelming!? Never!" Patrick laughed shushing him.

"So, what's your story?" Patrick asked simply and Fun ghoul froze.

"Excuse me?" He breathed out and Kobra tensed to his side.

"How's life in the desert? What's your story, you know? How did you end up here, with the Killjoys?" Patrick clarified but Ghoul remained frozen. What could he tell these people? That he escaped Bat city at the cost of his friends lives? Of the things he did, the odd jobs he took just to get food? How he _killed_ people?

No. Fun ghoul could never let anyone know the truth about what happened those first few weeks. No one could ever know or they would see him for what he was, a monster. So before he could stop them the lies came spilling out of his mouth, one by one, un till they had stitched up and elaborate story of him scavenging the desert and helping people with things for money until he had found (well tried to steal from) the Fabulous Killjoy's.

"Nice, man. I can't believe you didn't know who they were though, I mean they are kind of famous." Pete laughed excitedly and Ghoul shrugged. "I can't believe Party Poison let you live! He's been pretty crazy ever since-"

"I don't think you should finish that sentence if you know what's good for you." Poison interrupted and they whirled around to find Poison standing a few inches away from Ghoul and he was fuming mad. 

"No harm done, Poison." Patrick tried to ease the tension with a smile. "Pete didn't mean anything by it." Poison's eyes were cold and for a second Ghoul thought he was going to attack the both of them but then his eyes wandered of the worried face of Ghoul and his younger brother and his eye's softened.

"No harm done." He repeated emptily then he was turning back towards them. "Come on, we have a big day ahead of us tomorrow. We're crashing at Dr.D's."

Then Poison was taking off back into the sand clouds with Kobra and Ghoul trailing after them with a quick wave goodbye to their friends.

It was silent for a few moments while Ghoul worked up the courage for what he wanted to ask un till he could bare the silence no longer.

"Why do Pete and Patrick use their real names in the desert?" Fun ghoul asked and then added before he could chicken out. "And why does everyone talk about Party like he's a bomb about to explode at any second? Why does everyone act like he's dangerous?"

Kobra was quite for a long time, long enough for Ghoul to count each step he took nearly 547, and long enough for the shack to come into sight in the distance.

"The first question has an easy answer; Patrick and Pete are a part of a retro faction. They respect the old culture and tradition and haven't adapted yet to new desert culture even if it's safer." Kobra stopped walking so Ghoul did too, he knew that the second and third question were not going to be easy to answer. "I love my brother, but Poison is a killjoy. Just like me and Jet so yes, he is dangerous. He was taught how to kill and main when we were twelve. But I can't answer any other questions about him, Fun ghoul. It's not my story to tell."

Fun ghoul wasn't sure why not knowing about Party Poison bothered him so much but it did. It bugged him like a never ceasing itch in the back of his mind.

Party Poison for some reason or another was important to him.

Most of the time Fun ghoul wanted to kick him in his perfect teeth and pretty face but at other times he felt like they were connected somehow. He felt as if they reflected each other the same way a broken mirror sometimes casts back better reflections than when you could see clearer.

Party Poison's eyes were dull, hurt, angry, and sometimes down right empty but at other moments. When Poison was vulnerable Ghoul could see himself trapped in his irises. Caught inside of one of those hazel fires, but see it wasn't Fun ghoul's skin that was burning.

It was his heart. Deep, somewhere in his chest Poison was beginning to unlock something.

For the better or for the worst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S : Those lyrics were from Billy Talent. Nesterisonfire suggested that I listen to their music and boom I did! They're pretty great! I enjoy them a lot from what I've found so far, and those lyrics are from one of the songs I found on my journey into their music.


	10. Desert skies and pretty white lies. (Well you can hide alot about yourself but honey what are you gonna do?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Poison, stop it!" He heard his younger brother yelling but it was easy to ignore. He could hear blood rushing into his ears, his heart pounding in his chest, anger sending fire coursing through his veins. Party Poison grabbed Fun ghoul around his middle roughly, shoved Ghoul's shaking arm's up. The green ray gun nearly slipped from his fingers.  
> "Get the fuck off me!" Ghoul yelled confused and Poison could nearly care less when he elbowed him in the stomach. He just pressed himself against him, grabbing his wrists and helping him position the ray gun outwards towards the last standing drac. It struggled forward with a twisted figure spattered in black blood.  
> "SHOOT DAMN IT! SHOOT!" Poison shouted shaking him, Ghoul's eyes widened in fear as the drac got closer, fingers shaking around the trigger. Poison wasn't there in the moment, he was with Bert, he was with Ghoul, he was with everyone he had ever failed to protect. Fun ghoul had to be able to protect himself. "SHOOT, YOU CAN'T BE A LIABILITY! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND!? SHOOT!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back everyone! Sorry I've been gone so long I had a lot of finals and crap. bluh. Anyways I hope you enjoy this chapter leave some kudos if you did. Anyways I spun this chapter up being a bit angsty in the back of a public library lmao. Here you go! :)

It wasn't abnormal for Party Poison to spend most nights taking watch for his crew while they were traveling in the zones, but it was abnormal for Poison to be left fighting sleep in the dark next to his sleeping crew without a job to do. He felt uncomfortable staring around him at the inside of the shack. He missed his Trans-am even though she was parked right outside and he missed the hot scratch of sand across his face as his eyes searched the horizon for any sign of movement. Poison sighed as he was brought back the present by Kobra kid shuffling around under the covers. Party Poison glanced over at his kid brother and felt a small sense of warmth coming from his chest as he looked at the kid. His blonde hair was ruffled and disheveled and he was snoring a little, Jet star was plumped down on his other side sleeping heavily, nothing but a mess of curls and tangled up blankets.

"Please! Please don't!" Fun ghoul's voice called out rough with sleep and Party Poison spun around, hand on his ray gun, finger finding the trigger quicker than breathing ready to take out whatever drac or threat that had managed to find itself in their midst. Party poison breathed out with a bitter laugh as he re-pocketed the ray gun. Too many surprise attacks, too many times had Poison and the others awoken with hands reaching for their throats. But in this case, Poison had come to realize, it wasn't a stray Draculoid attacking Fun ghoul: It was his own mind.

"You okay over there, Ghoul?" Party Poison called out in a hushed but sarcastic tone. No answer came back expect for labored breathing and muttering. Poison squinted his eyes at Fun ghoul's sleeping figure, he tossed and turned the blankets tangled up around his legs, hand coming up to grab at the wall in panic before falling back down. Fun ghoul  was on the other side of the shack, near the farthest wall as far as he could get away from the killjoys. Party Poison was beginning to think that he really was hiding something.

"Stop! Don't hurt them!" That was enough for Poison he stood up carefully maneuvering around the sleeping forms of his brother and best friend until he came to a halt next to Fun ghoul's thrashing body. "I'm sorry! Please, stop!" Poison knelt down beside him to get a closer look, Ghoul's eyes were clasped tightly shut but tears managed to find there way out of them, sweat dampened his forehead and locks of his hair. Poison frowned as that strange feeling in his heart grew warmer and warmer as he stared at the sleeping boy  until it became nearly unbearable. He reached out and gently and brushed away a strand of hair out of Ghoul's face.

Fun ghoul's eyes shot open, terror in them changing the kaleidoscope of colors into a swirling hurricane, he sat up so quickly that Poison had to catch him before he nearly toppled them both over."Stop, n- no!"

"Whoa, there Ghoulie, calm down." Party Poison murmured frowning and touching Ghoul's arm tenderly. "It seems like someone isn't exactly happy to see me." His sarcasm fell short as Ghoul's breathing didn't slow down but instead he turned to stare at Poison with wide, panic filled eyes.

"Don't hurt them, anymore. Please don't kill them. Not again." Ghoul whispered desperately grabbing Party Poison's arm tightly. Poison realized that Fun ghoul wasn't exactly awake yet.

"It's just a nightmare, Ghoulie." Poison's voice cracked a little because he knew what Ghoul was going to say next. Nightmares like that, you can't make stuff like that up, it happens in real life and then it takes over your dreams too.

"It wasn't a nightmare, it wasn't." Fun ghoul pulled out of Party poison's grasp slowly and laid back down, his eyes dropping with tiredness. "They killed them, Party. I killed them but I didn't mean too."

Party Poison sighed as Ghoul relaxed and fell asleep again. He cleared his throat and then stood up quickly, grabbing his jacket from the pile of blankets before pulling it on and slamming out of the shack. He couldn't be in that god forsaken shack anymore, it was suffocating. The amount of pain in there was enough to send any man running but Poison didn't run. He simply punched the wall of the shack once, splitting open old cuts on his knuckles and wedging in a few splinters. He didn't even flinch, didn't feel the pain only the empty swirling hole of guilt and destruction inside of him. He began climbing up the ladder on the side of the shack and didn't stop until he was on top of the roof, sitting in the center with a bleeding hand and watching the horizon.

The desert was where he belonged, on the open road with his crew or even at the dinner, the killjoys home base. Not in some shack with some strange boy that his crew had gotten attached to. Definitely not comforting him, or getting attached himself. Party Poison thought back to what Dr.D had said to him when he had finally gotten him alone.

_"That boy, when did you meet him?"  Dr. D asked squinting and stroking his beard._

_"Maybe a week ago, he hasn't been out here very long." Poison answered non-chalantly._

_"I know this is going to sound nuts but I've never said nothin' to you boys that never needed sayin'." Dr. Death defying said pulling out his pipe of tobacco and taking a hit. Poison frowned and Dr. D scoffed. "Listen, Poison. I don't think you and your crew should be mingling with that city slicker."_

_"Why the hell not? Besides you know Kobra and Jet they like the kid, they'd kill me if I dropped him. I'm kind of stuck here, D." Poison muttered fingers pulling out his cigarettes as a nervous habit and then putting them away again._

_"Because this 'kid' is dangerous, Poison. I've been hearing things across the sound waves and folks are talking. They describe a kid just like him, fresh outta the city, killed a couple of zone rats from Reptilian's crew. They say he just shot em' dead for no reason at all except for sport." Dr. Death spat out frowning._

_"No way, it's my guy." Poison announced but his the hole in his stomach widened as if it might swallow him whole. "Ghoulie can't even fire at a fucking target without panicking. He's a fireball and hell, I bet he could give Pete a run for his money but it ain't him."_

_"You don't have to like it, Poison. How much do you even know about Fun ghoul? Just heed my warning, son. Something's up with that boy. Watch out for him." Dr. D waved away from his pipe._

Party Poison was brought back to the present by an unpleasant thought. What had Fun ghoul said earlier during his nightmare? _"I killed them but I didn't mean to."_ Poison felt a shiver run down his spine and then he frowned, choking out a bitter laugh. No fucking way did Ghoul kill anyone. He was an annoying, sarcastic little shit at the worst but a murder? That wasn't him. Party Poison was almost done reassuring himself when that spiteful voice spoke up in the back of his head. Party Poison really didn't know Fun ghoul at all except very little of his tragic past.

"Hey, Poison!?" Jet star's voice called and Party Poison jumped eyes flashing down to see Jet star standing under him beside the shack, hands on his hips and staring up looking slightly bemused.

"What!?" Poison called back down quickly scraping a bit of dried blood off his knuckles and hiding his hand inside of his jacket pocket.

"The sun's up, so, so are we. I woke up the others! They're getting ready to take off, come down here when you're ready. We should get a head start to track down Cherri Cola!" Jet star called up and Poison's eyes flashed up to see the sun had already made it's way over the horizon. He was getting dull.

"Alright, I'll be down there in a second!" Poison called then stood up quickly with a roll of his eyes. "Never mind I better come down now in case Kobra decides to try and sneak off to say good bye to Pete!"

So Party Poison put those thoughts behind him as the fabulous killjoys plus one more hit the dusty desert road again.  
                               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE: Okay I meant for this chapter to be longer and I had more planned for it but I'll post another chapter later tonight. Probably around midnight or so, because I'm a night owl! Sorry everyone,Thanks for reading.  
> Ps. Which is why the chapter summary doesn't match this chapter, it will match next chapter.


	11. History repeats itself but I won't let it take you too. (The hardest part of this)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fun ghoul had always been a little to silent for Party Poison's taste. It was as if he had inhaled to say something once but then never did.
> 
> "Why do you hate me, Poison?" Fun ghoul asks suddenly his voice full of curiosity and hurt as if this was the question he had been waiting to ask. When Party Poison looked up he was met with the tragic beauty behind Ghoul's irises. 
> 
> He had exhaled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is basically what last chapter's summary was about. :) Enjoy!

Party Poison knew as soon as the nearest Dead Pegasus came into sight that trouble was awaiting him and his crew if he pulled into that specific gas station to get gas. Afterwards Poison wasn't really sure why he pulled into it anyways even after his instincts told him it was a terrible idea. Maybe it was just him thinking logically, the next gas station wouldn't be for miles and the trans-am was nearly out of gas. Maybe it was because he had been trapped inside the car all day with his crew and Fun ghoul mixed with his jumbled thoughts was enough to make him itch for a fight. Party Poison had always been known for his recklessness.

"Two better living vehicles, Do you really think it's worth it?" Jet star asks quietly, eyebrows pulled back as he stared up ahead at the Dead Pegasus resting snuggling in a cloud of dust and sand. Dead Pegasus was a gas station created for neutral purposes, meaning they sold gas to both sides of the war. They started popping up all over the desert after the helium wars, the law of the gas station was that both sides were under a treaty as long as they were on their property. But neither side were really keen about it and more times than not the rule would go unnoticed.

"Totally worth it, we have to get gas or we're going to run out before we reach the next one." Party Poison assured using one hand to steer the wheel and using the other to pull his bright yellow mask down over his eyes. He glanced back to see Fun ghoul and Kobra kid watching him expectedly. "Cover your faces, it's safer that way."

Fun ghoul locked eyes with him and Poison looked away quickly, before looking back. Fun ghoul's eyes were filled with panic but he kept his face blank, his hand's shook as he tied an American flag bandana around his face.  Kobra kid shrugged pulling his helmet on over his face, hands going to his holster and checking to make sure his ray gun was charged up.

"Kobra, I don't think this is a good idea." Ghoul mumbled to him nervously. Kobra kid had gotten good at reading emotions especially since Pete had taught him the art of poker face, so he easily assumed from Fun ghoul's wide eyes and fidgeting hands that he was nervous.

"Neither do I but I've learned its best just to go along with my brother's crazy plans. We always make it out alive anyways." Kobra shrugged handing Ghoul his ray gun after pulling it out of the holster for him.

Party Poison pulled into the gas station right up next to a pump and parked, his eyes lingering over the three of them and then nodded. "Alrighty, Jet star you're with me. Kobra, get the gas." His eyes slid over to Ghoul who was staring back at him defiantly. "Stay with Kobra kid, keep you're wits about while we go pay with the carbons." Poison climbed from the car along with Jet and they began their trek over towards the woman wearing dull kakis behind a bar, the walk was only a few feet but with the burning eyes of the draculoids on their backs it felt like miles.

"Heya pretty lady," Poison spoke confidently. "Some gas for pump three, please." He slide the carbons over to her and she took them with a look thrown his way. Jet star chuckled and Poison shrugged. He certainly didn't have a way with words like he used to. They began walking back and Poison felt it the same way, he felt the sand and the sun against his skin. Between his crew, their trans-am and the plain black van packed with drac's two pumps away tension made the air hot like tar and he felt suffocated. He would be lying if said his skin wasn't tingling with the anticipation of a fight, his hand was already smooth against his ray gun with the first shot was fired.

A ray blast flew past him only a centimeter away from his ear, hair singed slightly and his ears ringing he turned and the Drac who fired the shot was dead as soon as the blast left the tip of his gun.

The entire place went up in flames after that, Jet star ducked behind a pump to his right to take cover as all seven Drac's climbed out of the car and returned fire. Kobra kid was wrestling with a Drac behind the trans-am, his crew spotted a grin lit up Poison's face as he attacked the Draculoid closet to him.

The hate he felt for better living, the hate he personally held for the drac's made his veins burn and his mind go blank. People had been saying It for weeks: Party Poison the leader of the resistance wasn't the same. He was as mindless as a drac, an attack dog for Dr. Death defying and nothing more after his big failure.

And Poison, covered in the rusty, metallic smelling,hot blood, of drac's thought maybe they were right. After killing a second drac one got the better of him, shoving him up against the rough exterior of the bar where the employee had fled behind after the fight had started.

"Killjoy Party Poison, release your weapon and surrender." The Draculoid ordered monotony and Poison spat at his mask as it gained the uperhand stealing his ray gun and tossing it aside. "Comply. Surrender so you can be brought to justice by our exterminator. Better living is-"

Blood splattered across his face as he closed his eyes, Poison shoved the corpse off of him with a nod towards Jet star who tossed him his ray gun with a roll of his eyes. Jet star ran off to help Kobra kid who was taking on two drac's at once his ray gun someone laying on the ground forgotten as he used his martial arts to his advantage.

Everything was going fine until a scream sent Poison's heart into a panic and made his blood run cold. Draculoid's didn't scream like that. He nearly dropped his ray gun as he spun in a circle, his crew was fine, the drac's were being tolled off one by one but he was missing something. He felt as if his arm was missing then it hit him the way most things do at the worst of times: Like a freight train.

"Ghoulie!?" Party Poison couldn't breathe as he swirled around trying to locate him between the blasts and the chaos going on around them. Then his eyes locked onto Fun ghoul's struggling body. A drac already lay dead at his feet from a knife wound and Ghoul's knife had been abandoned, he was cradling one hand to his chest and holding a shaking ray gun in the other hand but not firing. Ghost's churning in his kaildescope eyes as the Draculoid got closer spotting Better living propaganda and raygun raised.

Party Poison didn't allow himself chance to think as he ran shoved the drac away from ghoul shooting it down in merely two shots, leaving to cratering holes in it's forehead and neck. Poison breathed heavily the sound of battle around them ceasing but Party Poison wasn't even close to being calmed. He whirled on Ghoul violently who was staring at him in shock, mouth gaping slightly looking frightened and apologetic even which even angered him more because not only was it Fun ghoul standing there it was Bert.

"Poison, I'm sorry-" Ghoul started and Poison didn't feel himself grab his wrist but he knew he had once Ghoul's eyes went wide.

"What the fuck were you thinking!!" Party Poison yelled shaking him slightly fear and anger of almost losing it again struck him.

"Party, I didn't mean for-" Fun ghoul tried again looking angry but Poison's hand on his wrist tightened. Not in anger but because Poison needed proof the Ghoul was still there because he could see it replaying over and over again in his head if he hadn't of gotten there on time. Fun ghoul's body on the ground, his beautiful broken soul leaving his corpse behind as he disappeared with the scarlet witch. Out of the corner of his eyes Poison spotted the last remaining drac stumbling towards them, limbs bloody and destroyed looking like something out of  the old horror movies, Kobra used to watch when they were younger.

Party Poison pulled Fun Ghoul towards himself roughly, shoving both of them forward and towards the mutilated Draculoid.

 "Poison, stop it!" He heard his younger brother yelling but it was easy to ignore. He could hear blood rushing into his ears, his heart pounding in his chest, anger sending fire coursing through his veins. Party Poison grabbed Fun ghoul around his middle roughly, shoved Ghoul's shaking arm's up. The green ray gun nearly slipped from his trembling fingers.

  
"Get the fuck off me!" Ghoul yelled confused and Poison could nearly care less when he elbowed him in the stomach. He just pressed himself against him, grabbing his wrists and helping him position the ray gun outwards towards the last standing drac. It struggled forward with a twisted figure spattered in black blood.

"Shoot the Draculoid, Fun ghoul!" Party Poison spat pushing them closer and Fun ghoul fought back with wide eyes.

"Poison, stop it!" He shouted his fingers loose on the gun.

  
"SHOOT DAMN IT! SHOOT!" Poison shouted shaking him, Ghoul's eyes widened in fear as the drac got closer, fingers shaking around the trigger. Poison wasn't there in the moment, he was with Bert, he was with Ghoul, he was with everyone he had ever failed to protect. Fun ghoul had to be able to protect himself because Poison wasn't the type of person anymore who could always be there to save him. "SHOOT, YOU CAN'T BE A LIABILITY, Damn it! SHOOT!!!"

The blast of the raygun echoed through both of their chest's, the world went silent as the Draculoid crashed against the ground. Kobra's mouth clenched into a solid line, Jet star stood speechless and Fun ghoul was now trembling with anger as he shoved himself away from Party Poison.

"Poison that is enough!" Jet star yelled and Party allowed himself to be shoved roughly by Ghoul.

"Don't ever fucking touch me again." He spat and then he was stomping off towards the trans-am and Party Poison sighed relieved, tangling his hands in his hair as he walked away the other direction leaving Kobra and Jet star in the middle of their feud quite literally. 

Party Poison as he began tieing a bandage around his bleeding knuckles chuckled bitterly. He was sure enough that Ghoulie hated him now. Like really hated him and in truth, Poison couldn't blame him. But Poison would take being hated anyway because now he knew for sure that Ghoul would be safe. He wouldn't let it happen again and certainly not to Ghoul. Kobra kid and Jet star interrupted his self loathing when they stomped over.

"What the hell, was that!?" Kobra kid shouted kicking the dirt next to Poison. "My brother would never act like that especially during a fight."

"Can't you see it's happening again!?" Poison spat numbly back and Jet star and Kobra kid raised their eyebrows clearly confused but the anger drained from their faces so he continued. "He's just like Bert. We didn't teach Bert to shoot, we didn't teach him how to protect himself well enough. And this- this _Kid_ is going to get himself or one of us killed.

The air around them hung with silence for a few moments. Then Jet star was kneeling on the ground next to him.

"Bert was a kid, Poison. We didn't think he had to be pressured into our world yet. We wanted to protect him." Jet star said gently. "But Fun ghoul is not Bert and you can't keep trying to use him to that advantage. You can't keep going off like this, you can't keep doing this to get him to learn. In the long run it's just going to hurt him."

Party Poison sighed because somewhere deep in the churning hole inside of him he felt that they were right. Kobra kid was now kneeling next to him as well looking uncertain behind the mask of his poker face.

"Out of all of us, you knew Bert best but you're going to have to trust me when I say as of this moment I know Ghoul best and he is nothing like Bert. Fun ghoul may act the opposite but I think he likes you and you just ruined most of that. You upset him, Gee. Brother you need to talk to him. Please, for me just try and act like you care too." Kobra says and Poison bitterly laughed but then composed himself. If only he knew.

"I'm sorry, Mikes. I'll try harder to be, you know, the old me." Party said gently as he could before standing up and shaking the dirt off of him with a steady breathe. Fun ghoul was sitting against the hood of the trans-am applying pressure to what looked like a knife wound against the palm of his hand. He didn't look up as Poison sat next to him.

"Come to be an asshole again?" He murmured angrily. "Because you've got talent in that department and I'm not really in the mood."

"I wasn't planning on it but if you want I can start up again." Poison said starting to get fired up again but then Ghoul winced and let out a pained gasp.

"Fuck." He hissed pulling back the cloth to reveal a thin cut along the inside of his palm, blood pooled up around it and he shook his head. Poison felt a pang in his heart and his hands went up to gently to Fun ghoul's wrist. Ghoul finally looked up his eyes pools of sad anger but then softened a bit with confusion as Poison slowly pulled the cloth from his hand.

"Let me, help." He said gently but it was more a question. Fun ghoul's bright eyes searched his for a moment and then he relented allowing Poison to gently hold his cut hand in his own. Poison's brow furrowed as he focused, gently dabbing up the blood and then using his water bottle to clean it. Ghoul only tried to pull away once out of habit when the water got inside of the cut. "Sorry. Do you have a rag?"

Fun ghoul nodded pulling one out and then using his retrieved knife off the ground to cut it into a strip and then handed it to Poison who using gentle hands tied it around the now clean wound. He tied the ends of the bandage into a little knot by Ghoul's thumb and then pulled away his fingers skimming Ghoul's wrist.

It was quite for a few seconds after Poison sat back and for once the desert sounded too quite as if everything in a few miles radius was holding it's breathe. Fun ghoul had always been a little to silent for Party Poison's taste. It was as if he had _inhaled_ to say something once but then never did.

"Why do you hate me, Poison?" Fun ghoul asks suddenly his voice full of curiosity and hurt as if this was the question he had been waiting to ask. When Party Poison looked up he was met with the tragic beauty behind Ghoul's irises. 

 _He had exhaled_.


	12. Surrender the night. (I may never sleep tonight as long as you're still burning bright.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Drop the facade, Poison." Ghoul says his hand gripping Party poison's jacket in his fist. "You're not as tough as you like to pretend."
> 
> "Aren't I?" Poison growled pushing his torso flush against Ghoul's and tightening his grip on his wrists. Fun ghoul shivered but he wasn't cold, actually his blood was boiling and his skin burned where Poison touched it. They were so close together, that when Ghoul looked up to meet his eyes he found that they're lips were only inches apart.
> 
> "If you want to talk then I suggest you get off me." Fun ghoul suggested sarcastically.
> 
> "Who said anything about talking?" Party poison murmured smugly and if Ghoul didn't know any better his hazel eyes darted towards his lips before he stepped away releasing Ghoul from his grip. "If talking is what you want then you better get to it, Ghoulie before the others come looking for us."
> 
> Fun ghoul sighed as Party poison took a seat on the ground and pated the sand next to them like they were children about to begin a secret sandbox ritual during recess.
> 
> Ghoul sighed this was going to be a long night.

"Why do you hate me?" Fun ghoul didn't mean for those words to leave his mouth. They had been echoing around in his head for weeks.  _Why does you look at me like that? Why are you so broken? What is the cause of your sad  eyes and tragically masked face? Why did you want me to stay? Why do you hate me?_

"Why do I... _hate_ you?" Party poison repeated his brow furrowing and his hazel eyes so full of fire a moment ago looked up at him with dull embers. "Of course you think I hate you." Fun ghoul drowned staring back at him trying to look angry butt in truth he just felt vulnerable and confused.

"What the fuck is that supposed to even _mean,_ Poison?" Ghoul shouted and then glanced over to where Jet star stood helping Kobra wrap up what looked like a swollen wrist, Jet  made eye contact with him for a secound and Ghoul looked away turning back towards Poison and lowering his voice. "We're always at each other's throats because of something and then at other times...Then shit like this happens and I just don't get you, it's one thing to be an asshole but at least then you would have some consistency. So I'm going to ask you again because I can't figure you out. Why do you hate me?"

"I don't hate you, Ghoulie. I mean you are a pest and hell, it would be easier to hate you but I'm not one for taking the  easy way out." Poison murmurs then grows more confident and shrugs looking up at Fun ghoul. 

"What does that even mean?" Fun ghoul asks narrowing his eyes.

"Enough about me, Ghoulie, what about you? What are you doing?" The vulnerable embers grew brighter into flames and Poison's hesitant face formed a smirk. "Are you actually trying to figure me out? That's cute, really but you're going to have to try harder than that. I'm a bit of a mystery, sherlock."

Fun ghoul was surprised as he found himself stiffling a laugh not before Party Poison heard him of course and his eyes widened a bit, his smile grew more real.

"Is that your way of apologising for your outburst back there?" Fun ghoul shook his head both annoyed and a bit amused. 

"Nope, no." Poison shook his head smugly standing up and brushing the sand of his jeans. " I don't apologise for anything. It's sort of a motto I have. Sorry is a sort of surrender and killjoy don't surrender."

"Wow, I think I've finally understood why you're ego is so big." Fun ghoul says rising  to his feet as well.

"Do share?" Poison mocked with a grin. 

"It must be that you're lacking in some departments." Fun ghoul answered smoothly and it was worth it to see the smug look drop off his face for a few secounds only to be replaced by a shocked smile.

"If you wanted to see my dick, love." Poison says smirking. "You could've just asked."

Then with that the red headed bastards struts away with a smirk on his face to go collect the rest of his crew. It was about time too, Fun ghoul thought looking out in the distance to where a cloud of dust, sand and dirt was forming in the sky. It could only mean that a posse of cars were on their way and Ghoul didn't want to be here long enough to find out if they belonged to Better living or not.

Fun ghoul hopped in the backseat of the trans-am the cut in the palm of his hand stinging like a bitch when he did. Though it was Ghoul's knife that did the damage He couldn't bring himself to leave it behind. He had so much history with it, he has had it with him since before he escaped Battery City. It was just too important to him though he figured Party Poison was right. A knife fight against Draculoids wasn't the surest way to stay alive. If it wasn't for the way Bob, James and the people he killed kept appearing in his mind whenever he held a raygun he could do it. Maybe Poison was what he needed as much as he hated to admit it, Poison was tough and an asshole but he did help him shoot better than when he wasn't around.

Fun ghoul was jarred from his unhelpful thoughts at the others entered the trans-Am. Kobra smiled reassuringly at Ghoul as Poison started driving and Ghoul wondered if this  was normal. He wondered how the killjoy would behave after a fight like that against the dracs if Fun ghoul wasn't around. As soon as the music started ghoul was relieved because he didnt have to think anymore. The fight faded into the past as they carried on with their mission like it never happened. 

Fun ghoul rested his head against the window and watched the cloud of dust behind them as he grew tired.

Point one: Party Poison.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun had begun to set when the Killjoys had come across a crew of four rambunctious men. To Fun ghoul they were strangers like anyone else in the desert but Killjoys greeted them like old friends. It turned out they were very tight knit with the Youngblood faction.

The trans-Am was safetly parked before Kobra was jumping out of the car and running up to do some incredibly complicated handshake with one of them.

"Killer King and the rest of the crew." Kobra exclaimed high fiving the closet one to him who If Ghoul had to guess was the one names Killer King. "Man, we haven't seen you in awhile. Not since Zone three went up in flames atleast."

"Yeah, It's good to see you Kobra and jet star! C'mere." Killer King was saying as Ghoul got out of the car just in time  to see him pulling the curly haired man down into a hug. The height difference was laughable but now that Ghoul had emerged from the car he felt anything from laughable. Unconsciously he shifted closer to Party Poison who stood far apart from the rest arms crossed just watching blankly.

Three pairs of eyes we're watching him as soon as he had left the shelter of the car. The tallest of the bunch had brown hair and stood nearest to the fire stared at him nervously. The one closet to Fun ghoul had shaggy, light brown hair and grey eyes that smiled him sympethatically. Then the last one who stood closer to Killer King, he has black hair and dark eyes, the firelight cast an ominous glare over his narrowed eyes but blank expression.

He moved slowly as if each footsteps was carefully calculated and he had planned them. He reached out and with an impossibly gentle hand wrapped his hand around Killer King's uperwrist. Who had been up to this moment caught in an oblivious conversation with Kobra  kid and Jet Star.

He whispered something into his ear that sounded like: _"Brendon?"_ He caught his attention almost immeadetly and Killer King turned towards Fun ghoul and Party Poison who stood apart.

"Oh, Hey Poison. It's great to see you... You know, looking better. How are you?" Killer King asked letting the man next to him keep his gentle  hold on his arm.

"Fine, King, I'm swell." Poison says slowly and Killer King rolled his eyes with a sort of amused expression on his face but the look dissapeard when he laid eyes on Fun ghoul.

"Patrick mentioned something about a someone traveling with your crew." Killer King says slowly a hint of nervousness to his voice and Ghoul frowned. 

Jet Star noticing the tension filling the campsite took a step in. "Yeah, this is Fun Ghoul. Fun ghoul, this is Killer King and his crew."

Fun ghoul have a subtle nod but didn't say anything, he was too busy trying to read them. The taller was obviously nervous, and the one with grey eyes was obviously more sympethetic and had a friendlier personality but that was all he could get a read on from them. But from Killer King and the other one he had picked up on alot more since they had got here. The way they shifted to be nearer to each other, like they were drawn like magnets. There was no way,  the other boy still clinging to Killer King's wrist was platonic. Fun group's eyes darted towards the other two, he wondered if they knew.

"Hello, Ghoul. That's  New Moon and that's Green Gentlemen." Killer King jabbed his finger towards them. New Moon kept his nervousness but forced a small smile. Green Gentlemen waved at him sympethetically. "And this is Northern Downpour." Killer King says gently, touching the hand on his wrist and giving him a quickly but fond glance. Northern Downpour kept his eyes on Ghoul, gazing  at him quizically.

"Hey." Fun ghoul merely says trying to adress the tension in the air but only succeeding in making the worse.

The crew exchanged looks and Poison noticed. They way that they were looking at each other, it was like they knew something he didn't.

"Do you have a problem with my new crew member?" Party poison asks in a bored way and Ghoul frowns.

Green Gentlemen took the lead with casting an apologetic look at all of them. "It's just that, Ghoul you're new to the desert aren't you? I mean we trust you, Poison and your crew don't get us wrong but... people have been talking."

"Talking about what?" Fun ghoul spoke up quietly. Green Gentlemen winced.

"They've been talking about a city slicker killing a couple of desert born. And you look a hell of alot like the city slicker they're describing." Northern DownPour says suddenly from the back his voice harsh and honest before going silent again when Killer King squeezed his hand with a  _shh, Northern._

Fun Ghoul's stomach dropped, his hands suddenly clammy as the images of the boy and his friends bleeding crimson against the sands appeared in his head. Kobra kid and Jet star glanced back and forth between the Panic! Crew and Fun ghoul. Fun Ghoul couldn't breathe under the stares of the people in front of him, he felt suddenly as if he was drowning.

"What the fuck are you insinuating?" Party Poison spat stepping protectivly in front of Fun ghoul their arms touching, Poison's frame tense, their fingers brushed. "Are you threatening my crew?"

"No, Poison. Look this isn't a Godamn problem with is! I just need to be sure that he isn't threatening mine." Killer King says growing defensive.

"It wasn't him, King."Party Poison says firmly. "He's not this person they're looking for. They're looking for a murderer someone who shit these desert born in cold blood and it ain't him. Fun Ghoul isn't a muderer."

Fun Ghoul felt as if there wasa lump in his throat, guilt are at his insides like acid.

Killer King looked around at each of them as if trying to decode them all, he looked at Kobra and Jet's concerned but confused faces at Party Poison's angry one and then lastly at Fun ghoul who felt like he might throw up.

"New Moon is the best judge of character I know. If he believes you then it's good enough for me." Killer King says pulling away from Northern Downpour just long enough to nod at New Moon who stepped forward slowly.

"You haven't said anything about this, Fun Ghoul. Did you have something you want to say?" New Moon asks gently and Ghoul's heart nearly stops  beating in his chest. Fun ghoul was sure that New Moon could see right through his sweaty mask. Fun Ghoul had to tell the truth, he has to-

Party Poison turns to stare at him and his hazel eyes are urgent, he locked eyes with Ghoul mouthing something slowly before slipping back around like nothing happened.

_No._

Party Poison knew, Ghoul's world nearly fell out from under him. He knew that he has killed them but how did he know!?

"I didn't shoot anyone in cold blood. My friends were killed during our escape from the city and then I wandered for a bit doing honest jobs for good before I found the Fabulous Killjoys. I've been with them ever since." Fun Ghoul lied those urgent hazel eye's spuring his words onward and if the memory of thier body's weren't permanently burned into his mind he might of even convinced himself.

New Moon nodded his forehead creasing in thought as he turned towards Party Poison. His eyes taking in everything from the way they stood, the angle of their bodies and how the back of their hands hadn't yet stopped touching. 

"Ghoulie Isn't a murder." Party Poison says one last time. "I swear it to my name."

Fun ghoul watched surprise flit across New Moon's face but then he smiled softly and Ghoul wondered what that meant. _I swear it to my name_.

"I believe you." New Moon announced with a nervous smile. "Fun Ghoul isn't a murder. In fact I'm quite sure he's a decent person."

Fun Ghoul immeadetly felt guilt hook into him like an anchor. Party Poison's shoulders sank with relief and he stepped away from Ghoul.

"There you have it." Killer King smiled sweeping an arm towards the fire. "Let's go get warm by the fire. I'm sure we've got allot to catch up on." He said with a teasing smile at Kobra who grinned back heading along to sit by the fire with Green Gentlemen and New Moon. Northern Downpour didn't move, the shadows from the firefight casting dark shapes agaisnt his now curious face then Killer King wrapped an arm around his waist and whispered something to him and his eyes softened and they went to sit next to the fire.

"Why does it seem like you knew something about this and didn't tell me?" Jet Star questioned Poison hanging back a little Party Poison shrugged then sent a dashing grin towards the Panic! Crew.

"I'm going for a drive, be back in a bit." Poison's smiled dropped when he turned to face Fun ghoul. "Ghoulie, you want to come to? _Fabulous._ Get in the car."

So Fun Ghoul got in the car, Poison giving Jet Star a witty nod before hopping in as well and driving off leaving Jet with an annoyed look on his face.

Party Poison didn't say anything to him, didn't even look his way the first few minutes into the drive. The air was thick with tension and Poison's knuckles were white on the steering wheel except for his left hand. His left knuckles were all scabbed over from hitting something to hard.

Fun Ghoul didn't say anything either his brain kept jump in to completely irrelevant things maybe just to keep him calm but it wasn't working. Like the silence in the car but the shrieking from the cascadas around them. Or the way Party Poison kept biting his lip punishingly. Or how the sand dunes all blurred past him in the window like a painting.

"Are you going to say something!?" Fun ghoul nearly lost it after Party Poison started tapping the wheel. Everything about the man seemed to get under his skin.

"No." Poison's says his eyes staying on the road.

"How do you know? You know right?? You know what I did?" Fun ghoul asks and Poison doesn't even look at him just continues driving. "Answer me you fucking Ass!!!"

Suddenly Party Poison was slamming on the brakes, pulling them into the side of the road before parking and climbing out of the car angrily. Fun ghoul right behind him.

"Say something!" Fun ghoul yells and Party Poison swivels around.

"What the fuck am I supposed to say!? That I heard you, Ghoulie? I heard you talking in your fucking sleep!? You, say something!" Poison spat shoving him. "What aren't you telling me!?"

"You've done you're fair share of lieing too, Party Poison!" Fun ghoul shouted shoving back."If you want to talk, let's talk but you're speaking too. I know someone with ptsd when I see them, the way you treat me. Protective one moment and then like shit the next, that's not fucking normal."

Party Poison lost it shoving Fun Ghoul back against the hood of the trans-am, hands gripping Fun Ghoul's wrists tight enough to leave bruises, their bodies touching in full and Poison glared down at him. "You want to have a chat,  _Ghoulie."_ He mocked.

"Drop the facade, Poison." Ghoul says his hand gripping Party poison's jacket in his fist at this point he wasn't sure if it was to push him away or pulling him closer. "You're not as tough as you like to pretend."

"Aren't I?" Poison growled pushing his torso flush against Ghoul's and tightening his grip on his wrists. Fun ghoul shivered but he wasn't cold, actually his blood was boiling and his skin burned where Poison touched it. They were so close together, that when Ghoul looked up to meet his eyes he found that they're lips were only inches apart.

"If you want to talk then I suggest you get off me." Fun ghoul suggested sarcastically.

"Who said anything about talking?" Party poison murmured smugly and if Ghoul didn't know any better his hazel eyes darted towards his lips before he stepped away releasing Ghoul from his grip. "If talking is what you want then you better get to it, Ghoulie before the others come looking for us."

Fun ghoul sighed as Party poison took a seat on the ground and pated the sand next to them like they were children about to begin a secret sandbox ritual during recess.

Ghoul sighed this was going to be a long night. He sighed again sitting down next to Poison on the ground. Both of them were silent, staring defiantly at each other neither one wanting to surrender the night.

"I didn't mean to kill them, Poison." Fun Ghoul says finally and he didnt mean for his voice to come out so quite, so weak, so damaged. It was as if Frank was talking again and all of the anger in his system drained out just leaving him tired and full of guilt.

Party Poison knocked his hand against Ghoul's knee gently. "I know. Just tell me what happened, Ghoul."

"It was only a few days after I got out. I had a raygun and my knife with me but nothing else. I didn't know anything about the desert just that we were supposed to have a better life there. I approached this crew of older men and they had a kid with them. Probably around my age and I-" Fun Ghoul's voice broke and his body began to shake. He looked over at Poison expecting to see disgust but instead saw concern, he ran a hand through his red hair and then laced his fingers together. "I asked for some water, directions, anything but then they started attacking me. They called me names, spat on me, said I was dirt for being from the city."

"Sounds like those assholes, alright." Party Poison growls running the back of his knuckles across the sand leaving rough patterns behind.

"They- they started to kick me. Over and over and I kept begging for them to stop but they just- kept. Kicking. Me." Fun Ghoul mumbled pulling up his shirt to reveal the scars on his ribs where their steel toed boots had dug in to his flesh. Party Poison breathed out roughly leaning forward his brow furrowed to brush his finger tips over his ribs and trace the outline of the scars.

"Ghoul, I..." Poison trailed off sitting back as Fun ghoul pulled his shirt back down.

"The youngest one was afraid. He wasn't hurting me at all but when it got to much- I felt like I was drowning- I didn't mean to kill them, I swear. My raygun was in my belt and I- I." Fun ghoul choked out. "When I came to I had shot one of them, he was already dead and the rest of them had run but I shot him. I shot the boy. I _killed_ him, Poison. What kind of monster does something like that?"

"You're not a monster, Fun Ghoul. Not even close." Party Poison touched his shoulder lightly, a traditional desert tradition when someone was grieving. "Those creeps who were attacking you were the monsters. You were only trying to defend yourself, trying to survive and if anyone says otherwise they'll have to deal with me, ok?"

Fun Ghoul felt the exact moment he allowed himself to break, he crumbled in on himself like a sinkhole, sobs shaking his small body as he fell apart collapsing against the only thing closest to him: Poison.

"I'm sorry." Fun Ghoul sobbed into his shoulder, Ghoul was still new to the desert and sometimes desert culture didn't feel right. Party Poison stiffened with Fun ghoul's arms around his waist, crying into the corner of his neck. But slowly Poison relaxed holding Ghoul back, tangling a hand in Fun Ghoul's wayward hair, running a soothing hand down his back.

"Hey, Ghoulie, It's-" Fun ghoul heard Poison say unsuredly. "It's going to be okay."

If you had told Fun Ghoul a week ago that he would be holding onto Poison, soaked in tears like he was life support and that Poison was attempting to comfort him, Ghoul would've thought you were batshit crazy. Now Fun Ghoul was just confused.

"It's why you can't shoot the raygun, isn't it?" Poison murmurs into his hair. "I couldn't see it before but I understand now. God, Fun ghoul..." 

That was all that was said between them.

When Fun Ghoul pulled himself together they got back into the trans-am and began driving with a silent agreement to keep those tears a secret between them.

"Do I have to repeat everything again to Kobra and Jet?" Fun Ghoul asks quitely his eyes on the stars outside the window. "I don't know if I can do it again."

"No, Ghoul, I'll tell them what they need to know and that's all. We just need to be on the same base." Party Poison assures.

Something in the air between them had shifted it was less angry, less violent, less painful. It was something else and Fun ghoul couldn't decide if it was better or not.

When they crept back into the campsite the sleeping shapes of Jet Star and  Kobra kid were in sleeping bags next to the burning embers of what remained of the fire on the other side of them were the similar figures of Green Gentlemen and New Moon.

Farther away from the light of the camp fire and out of sight from the rest of the group unless they were really looking was Killer King and Northern Downpour. Their sleeping bags were pushed together Northern lay with his head in King's lap eyes closed peacefully they're hands laced in each other's grasp. Killer king stared down at Northern fondly, carting a hand through his hair, smiling softly.

Fun Ghoul was sure they thought they were sly.

Fun ghoul dragged a sleeping bag a little bitaway from the group in case of his nightmares might wake them before settling in. Out of the corner of his eye his saw Party Poison take his regular perch on top of the trans-am where he would no doubt spent the night taking watch  warding off his demons.

FunGhoul's last waking thought was something along the lines of,

**_ Maybe a little taste of Poison wouldn't be so bad after all. _ **

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, seriously, thank you. I hope you liked it. ❤


	13. Diamonds Do Appear To Be Just Like Broken Glass To Me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I wasn't trying to eavesdrop." Fun Ghoul trys and fails at a good explanation. "I was just looking for Poison, I swear."  
> "You and Party Poison react... differently around each other." Northern says blankly and Fun Ghoul frowns not sure if it was a question or not.  
> "I-I guess so?" Fun Ghoul stuttered and Northern nodded slowly, precisely as if he expected him to say that. "You've been watching me."  
> Fun Ghoul blurted out before he was thinking clearly, when Northern looked back up Ghoul expected him to be angry instead he just cocked his head to the side unimpressed. The shadows being cast from the firelight making his face seem more haunted and his irises more black, swirling darkly and consuming as if it was going to swallow him whole.  
> "Yes, I have been." Northern says raising an eyebrow. "And now you want to know why?"  
> "Sure?" Ghoul says nervously because this was the most he had ever heard Northern talk. The way Northern talks makes the hair on the back of his neck standup. As if he wasn't merely nineteen, but older and more worn from all of the things he's experienced.  
> "Then listen close because I'm going to tell you a story." Northern says darkly and Fun Ghoul prepares for the worst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Northern Downpour's story is a bit rough so prepare yourself. <3

When Fun ghoul woke up the next morning both the Panic! crew and his own were already awake and stirring up trouble in the best possible way. Despite the tense night last night, Ghoul wasn't surprised to find that Kobra Kid and Jet Star got along with them quite well. He didn't ever really have a chance to ask but he knew that the two crews were something among the lines of _old friends_. Of course it also didn't come to Fun Ghoul's surprise that Party Poison was something of a different story.

It was at breakfast that Fun Ghoul really had a chance to observe any of them. It didn't take long for the Panic! crew to learn that he wasn't the most sociable so in the end it was easy for him to sit back and quietly take in what the other desert crew was like.

"Pete and Patrick." Killer King was saying wistfully when Ghoul tuned into the conversation. "They always were the dynamic duo but never very good keeping the Drac's off their faction for very long. Nearly brought the entire facility down on us, that year. Those were the days, man."

"Andy and Joe aren't any better." Kobra replied with a chuckle and Jet star smiled a little sadly his eyes traveling over to where Party Poison stood away from the group cleaning and recleaning his raygun.

"Those were easier times for sure, King." He says before shrugging and turning to Fun Ghoul. "Hungry, Ghoul?"

"I could eat." Ghoul replied and Green Gentlemen swooped in with a can of baked beans, pressing them into Fun Ghoul's hands with a smile. "Er, thanks."

"Don't mention it, we've got plenty." Green Gentlemen gave him an apologetic look as if it would make up for what happened the night before. Then he went back to helping New Moon draw out something on a spare scrap of paper. It was a small map with strange colors and symbols markings along lines that were most likely roads and turnouts. Fun Ghoul was never taught how to read a map.

Fun Ghoul stirred the brown mush around in the can before shoveling some into him mouth then he took this time to catch up on what was going on around him. Having stayed up so late last night to talk with Poison only to wake up so early this morning wasn't sitting well with him.

Jet Star and Kobra Kid on the other had were the happiest he's ever seen them. Even Kobra Kid's poker face had momentarily disappeared leaving honest smiles behind.

Killer King was grinning ear to ear and talking wistfully about something that had happened in the past, Fun Ghoul wasn't tuned in to the conversation blocking as much out of it as he could while finishing the can of beans in his hand. Something about the way they talked about their conjoined past made Ghoul's stomach roil. Behind Killer King was Northern Downpour close enough that their shoulder's were touching but not enough to draw any unnecessary attention. While Killer King diverged in a colorful conversation featuring the time Kobra and himself nearly got stuck at Cosmic Thrust during an acid rainstorm, Northern Downpour's dark eyes flitted around as if watching for danger with an unopened book in his lap and one ear tilted towards Killer King following his every word.

"So what brings the Fabulous Killjoys to the rough dunes of zone five?" New Moon asks taking a break from his map and drawing Fun Ghoul from his thoughts.

"Nothing we can talk about." Party Poison spoke up for the first time that morning looking slightly annoyed from where he stood putting his raygun back into his holster. Then walking forward to kneel next to where Fun Ghoul was, nudging him softly. "Scoot."

Fun Ghoul rolled his eyes slightly amused, a reply on the tip of his tongue but he swallowed it back down remembering the events that took place last night.

"Oh, come now, Poison." Killer King grinned. "We're in on most of your little secret missions assigned by the good old Doctor, anyways. Who know we might even be heading in the same direction."

Kobra chuckled but Poison remained silent making eye contact with Jet Star who nodded before shrugging.

"If any of this gets out before me and my crew have it wrapped up in a cute little bow, I'll bleed you out myself." Party Poison threatened but he didn't put much effort into it and the Panic! Crew didn't take it too hard just nodded simultaneously in agreement.

"I wouldn't put it past you." Northern DownPour says quite but blankly, looking slightly agitated. Killer King touched his wrist soothingly and he relaxed fading back into silence as if he hadn't said anything at all. Kobra kid shot him a look but Poison didn't even flinch and Ghoul wondered if he was used to such accusation from people of just from Northern in particular.  

"Agent Cherri Cola is missing." Poison began to speak, hand tugging at his red hair nervously. "His partner Colored Fiend was found ghosted close to Better Living vehicles but all of the Draculoids were dead. A few desert crews around at the time say they saw Cola's corpse being carted off by scientists."

"Better fucking living." Killer king growled. "I heard that Colored Fiend gave his colors for Cherri, didn't know that some scum dragged Cherri off though." The other's weren't as upset and Ghoul could tell that they didn't know him personally but still felt the lost of another fellow rebel.

"Yeah but that's not the end of the story." Kobra frowned at him looking like he was thinking carefully. "Dr. Death Defying got a radio call from Cherri Cola himself saying that he was safe and somewhere in zone three before the feed cut out and as far as I know people aren't making any calls after the Phoenix witch takes them with her."

"What is the _Phoenix witch_?" Fun Ghoul asked carefully, half wondering if he even wanted to know. It was confirmed by the way every suddenly seemed to tense up, even Poison who had seemed so bored and careless a few seconds ago.

"She's more of a who." New Moon spoke up smiling nervously as he tried to extend an olive branch. "It's like old Desert folklore. Have you ever heard of the grim reaper? Well, She's like that except _more_. The Phoenix Witch helps to guide Killjoy souls to the afterlife."

Fun Ghoul nodded slowly with a frown something about the way, he'd heard people talk about her sent shivers down his spine. Fun Ghoul wondered in an offhandly numb way if the Phoenix Witch escorted the Killjoys he'd killed to the afterlife.

"Anyways," Party Poison continued leaning back and it got less intense making Ghoul feel a little less like he might throw up. "Our mission is to find Agent Cherri Cola and bring him home alive and well. Before he disappeared he'd been working on something for Dr. D,  important new information that could help with the rebellion. So we're on our way to zone three. Questions?" He ended a bit snarkily but no one was paying attention because Green Gentlemen had handed Jet star the map he had been working on.

"We're actually heading that way now." Green Gentlemen traced out something on the map for Jet Star who watched intrigued.

"Yeah, Zone three is on our way." Killer King cut in with a laugh. "Who would've thought."

"Gentlemen, this route you've traced out leads you directly into Better Living territory." Jet star blinked. "Why does it lead directly towards Bat city?"

Fun Ghoul's head snapped up imeadelty going for the map in Jet's hands he took it so he could see himself. Just to make sure that he had really heard it and it hadn't been in his head. As soon as he saw it was true he was shoving it back into Green Gentlemen's hands like it was diseased.

_Better Living. Battery City. White walls. White clothes. So much White. Everything so void of color that Fun Ghoul had wished for it everyday of his life until he finally saw some and wanted it to go away. Bright red blood, red blood staining everything like demented peppermint._

Fun Ghoul's mind went into shock like he had tripped a live wire, he began sweating, and his lungs struggled to draw breathe. It's all happening in your head. Stay calm you idiot, He snapped at himself.

"Why the fuck would you want to go to, that place, that place is fucked, it's-Battery City isn't a place you just go _visit_." He stuttered his hands clenching into fists as he dug his nails into his palms trying to _breathe_.

Poison's steady hand was suddenly on his back and he was frowning at him and Ghoul just shook him off, wiping away the sweat under his hair line. Kobra and Jet Star were staring at him with concern and he wondered in midst of his racing heart and mind if that's what having a crew was about. Them being able to read you when no one else could.

Killer King exchanged a grim look with New Moon and Green Gentlemen before clearing his throat. New Moon remained slouched over himself, hair hanging in his face.

"We need to return to the city. Trust me we wouldn't be going back in unless we needed to. We know how hard it is to get back out. We have something we need inside of Battery City." Killer King shrugged, liked that was a reasonable explanation for everything.

"What could you possibly need that's in the city and not in the desert!? Whatever it is we could help you find in the desert." Kobra started to offer but Killer king started to wave him off.

"Our friends are trapped in that city. They were taken by Better Living." Northern DownPour spoke quietly, each word spoken slowly as if each syllable was painful to say yet his face remained blank but his eyes were slightly wetter than before.

Killer King noticed because he slid his hand into Northern's until he stopped blinking back the tears and ignored what was no doubt the prying feeling from all of their eyes settling on them, waiting for answers. They were so obvious it made Ghoul feel a little fond in the midst of his swirling emotions.

"Jon and Brent were still alive when the exterminator took them from us during a Drac fight that went Costa Rica a few weeks ago." Killer King shook his head. "We got Joe to do a little digging for us, he's always been good at hacking into Better Living shit, and he found out that they're in one of their sick labs. We're going to save them."

"That's a suicide mission!!" Kobra shouted, pounding the sand indignantly.

"Kobra's right, you'll never make it out of there with your lives." Poison snapped and King laughed bitterly.

"It's lovely to know you still care, Poison." He joked but it rang false somewhere along the way and Poison scoffed.

"Killer King, did you tell Joe what you were planning on doing with the information he got for you?" Jet Star asked gently and Killer King shrugged.

"You know, he wouldn't have told me if I did." Killer king says guiltily "He would've blamed himself if something went wrong."

"Something will go wrong." Fun Ghoul heard himself break because as this argument was waging on around him his mind was searching for anything that he knew about the hospitals in Better Living management. "We're not just talking exterminators and Draculoids, we're talking Better living employees, guards, scientists, vixens. You'll be served up on a silver platter and that's if you even manage to get into the city."

"We're getting Jon and Brent out of there alive or we're dying with them. Either option at this point is better than just abandoning them." Killer king says in exasperation, raking hair out of his eyes tiredly.

Kobra kid looked around at the rest of the Panic! crew with wide eyes as if they were really crazy, Ghoul couldn't meet his eyes.

"We're all aware of the danger, Kobra." Green Gentlemen says with a sympathetic smile, touching his shoulder lightly.

"Until then we can travel together? It would be safer for all of us in especially since we're getting closer to Better Living territory." New Moon offered awkwardly with a meek smile. Northern DownPour didn't say anything, he didn't even look up which was no surprise since he rarely spoke at all.

There was a moment of silence like each member of both desert crew was sizing each other up, wondering who would win this fight. After a moment Fun Ghoul found himself looking at Party Poison and he had a feeling Jet and Kobra were too. Though he had a feeling they would never say it aloud, Poison really was a leader, a hero down to even the way he held himself. Party Poison stared Killer King in the eyes for a long solemn time before he cleared his throat and nodded.

"Alright, Killer King. But your bikes better be able to keep up with the Trans-am. My car's a real crash queen." Poison smirked.

 

-

 

After spending a week driving the desert, exploring the dunes, fighting Drac's and experiencing random prank wars brought on by either Kobra Kid or Killer King, Fun Ghoul had really begun to get attached to the bunch of weirdo's. Or better the Panic! Crew and Fabulous Killjoys were like a happy but doomed family, only to fall apart and have to split up when the Killjoy's got to zone three. Despite that they mostly played pretend that the end would never come with was perfectly fine with Ghoul. He didn't want to think about it anyway.

Jet Star and Green Gentlemen had rekindled what used to be a pretty epic friendship, they were insanely similar to Fun Ghoul's surprise. They were both unintentionally very mother like towards their own crews which was something Kobra loved to tease them about. After a fight Jet Star and Green Gentlemen were the ones running around patching everyone up with bandages and cleaning their wounds even doing little things during the day like bugging them to drink more water or _actually eat a meal for once, you fool,_ taking extra watches and in Jet Star's case nightly having to gripe at Party Poison to get some sleep which didn't usually work but he never ceased trying. In some cases where Fun Ghoul would be privy to hear a conversation between Green Gentlemen trying to get Northern DownPour to do one of those things only to be turned down flat. Killer King seemed to be one of the only ones who could get through to him.

The only thing significantly different about Green Gentlemen was his ability to calm any situation with a few carefully placed jokes, which came quite in handy whenever Fun Ghoul and Party Poison got into one of their little spats. The first time the Panic! Crew had been witness to one of their arguments they all stood by mouths agape and eyes wide, even Northern stood their with a strange look in his eyes watching them scream it out at each other.

"I said it was a bad fucking idea! What if there had been an exterminator with the van of Drac's!?" Fun Ghoul yelled so angry steam was nearly coming out of his ears.

"Back off, Ghoulie." Poison growled after Ghoul ended up shoving him. "Before I fucking _make_ you!"

Needless to say the fight ended after Kobra and Jet Star dragged them apart and they eventually 'made up' with a few sly comments, annoyed facial expressions and eye rolls. Later, Fun ghoul found out that the reason the Panic! Crew had been so shocked by their arguments were not because of how fast they escalated or how violent they could turn but because of the fact the Fun Ghoul had been through so many of them and wasn't ghosted.

"I've never seen anyone talk to him like that. Holy shit, Ghoul. You must be something special." New Moon swore in awe the night after the fight.

"What do you mean? Poison is a great leader but sometimes he does shit that needs to be corrected and If no one else I'm going to be the one who tells him. Fuck, his leader~y feelings." Fun Ghoul rolled his eyes kicking up a bit of dirt.

"Poison is..." New Moon started but then tried again. "What I mean is that Party Poison doesn't take any shit from anyone. People who talk shit about him or even at him usually wind up on the bloody side of a beating. Especially since- Anyways, no one I know would dare talk like that to Poison and I'm sure if they did it wouldn't be good. But you're special for some reason or other."

That talk with New Moon made Fun Ghoul a little nervous because it was so hard to decipher what people really meant when they always acted like they had a secret to hide. Poison's secret that everyone seemed to know except for him. Most of the talks they had were a little strange if not humorous from an outside view since Ghoul had begun to sort of develop an awkward, if you can even barely call it that, friendship with New Moon.

New Moon was calmer than the other three, and a lot more held off. Fun Ghoul hadn't thought anyone post-apocalypses could be shy but New Moon proved him wrong. New Moon was shy as a sheep (or so he had heard about sheep. They had all died after the environment became fucked) and as shy as he was, he was awkward. Which made most of their conversation worth it in his opinion they would be talking and he would just blurt out something strange every now and then which cracked Ghoul up and in turn cracked him up. New Moon was nervous as all hell and stuttered sometimes but was incredibly down to earth. Whenever the pranking between Kobra and Killer King started New Moon always made sure he had a book or something to read so he could look busy and hopefully be excluded. Though it didn't end up saving him from finding mysterious blue goop in his bag by the end of the week which he in turn left it as a surprise in Killer king's sleeping bag. Fun Ghoul felt as if he kind of owed New Moon, after all he was the one who stood up for Ghoul that first night. It made him feel even guiltier when New Moon was constantly acting like an olive branch stretched between him and the members of the Panic! Crew who were all a little uncomfortable around Fun Ghoul at first even Killer King who eventually tapered down.

Killer King on the other hand was the loudest, craziest, most bubbliest person Ghoul had ever had the fortune (or misfortune, he joked) to meet. It wasn't a surprise that King brought a lot of the Draculoids down on them by accident, he was just so much person to be contained in a 5'9 body. He got along well with everybody even, eventually Fun Ghoul after he got past the moodiest parts of him. A little too rambunctious for Party Poison to handle was what Ghoul had guessed was the reason for Party Poison being so distant and burnt out the entire time. Until he heard from Jet Star that Killer King and Party Poison used to be great friends and would run around the desert reeking fun havoc together until... And once again Ghoul was cut off from the rest of the truth with an apologetic look and a shrug. What it did explain though was the strange looks Fun ghoul would catch Killer King would giving Poison. Just quick glances during the shadowy glares of the campfire, looks full of pity some nights but other nights weary, worn glances. But strange glances were easy for Fun Ghoul to forget when compared to the absolutely insane pranking war Kobra Kid and Killer King started. He couldn't even remember who started it just that all of the other members of the crew kept getting caught in the hilarious cross fire. A white flag was finally raised after Northern DownPour ended up staining his hand and lower arm blue after falling asleep where someone had left blue goop. No one question why Northern DownPour had been sleeping in Killer King's sleeping bag in the first place.

Northern DownPour was the only member of the Panic! Crew that Fun Ghoul had yet to figure out and in all honesty had stopped wanting to. Something about Northern DownPour was _screaming_ , which only made it only more odd how quite he is. Northern is quite, quite even for Ghoul, it was strangely unsettling and sometimes he would sit so still that Fun Ghoul wanted to shake him just to make sure that he was still alive. He never smiled unless Killer King was the cause of it and his hair always hung in his eyes like an intentional curtain. His eyes never stopped moving if even for a second if he wasn't asleep. His dark irises would dart around as if he was suspicious of everything and too many times had Ghoul caught him staring. Especially whenever Ghoul and Poison were near each other, Northern's eyes would follow their every movement. He didn't watch them with distain, hate or even suspicion anymore but with a spooky sort of curiosity, shadows cast across his face from the fire and ghosts in his eyes. Only further proof of his haunted soul. Northern was always whispering with Killer King but rarely said a word aloud and when he did it was to say something short, simple and often harsh or at least strange.

The thing that sold Fun Ghoul on the fact the Killer King and Northern DownPour were in some kind of sexual or at least romantic relationship was that they were always within touching distance. Never an inch of space between, stealing secret touches, arm caresses or holding hands when they thought no one was looking. It was the way that Northern DownPour would stare up at King when he was talking. He looked at him like he was the fucking sun and his eyes at least for a moment would lose the haunted look. It was the way Killer King would stare back like Northern was the only thing of importance, he looked at him like he was his fucking world. Like nothing could ever be more beautiful. Fun ghoul never brought it up though and neither did anyone else but Ghoul was sure that they knew. And maybe that was the beauty of it all no one would ever have to come right out and say it.

Party Poison was just a whole other story, he wasn't even trying to pretend like he was enjoying the Panic! Crew's company. Most of the time was trying to pretend that either they didn't exist or he didn't. He was always a few feet away from everyone else and sometimes put even more distance between them by sitting on the trans-am, watching everyone with a blank almost bored expression on his face or sketching in that cursed book of his. Sometimes he wouldn't even look at Ghoul when he was talking to him until Fun Ghoul would finally give up and rejoin the others. Halfway through the week though, Ghoul thinks it dawned on him just how happy his crew was for the first time in forever after he finally saw Kobra Kid full on grinning and Jet Star cracking up over some stupid joke Green Gentlemen told during dinner. After Party Poison saw how positively it was effecting his best friend and his little brother he begrudgingly became a little less moody, sat closer to the fire and the crews alike.

Fun Ghoul was sure that Party Poison was finally going to get along with the Panic! Crew, with Killer King. He was sure about it until tonight when he overheard an argument he probably shouldn't have.

"Poison!?" Fun Ghoul whispered with such frustration it was more of a quite yell. He'd been searching for Poison for nearly five minutes and lost his footing in the sands nearly twice. _I swear, once I find that idiot, I'm going to ask where he put my goddamn knife, get the answer and then punch him in the face._ Ghoul swore to himself nearly giving up and turning around when he suddenly heard heated whispering coming from behind the trans-am. He froze just as he was able to see what was going on.

"I just want to know if you're okay, Poison!?" Killer King shakes his head when Poison scoffs.

"No. You just want to know If I'm going to lose my shit and attack your crew." Poison hissed and Killer King crossed his arms looking disgusted.

"I never said that and you know it." Killer king cuts off another rebuttal from Party Poison. "We all fucking know that you lost yourself after what happened with Bert."

"Don't say his name." Poison flinched and Fun Ghoul's hear began racing. He shouldn't be hearing this. He needed to leave before he heard something he shouldn't but his feet stayed wedged in the dirt as he heard the next lines.

"You went bat shit crazy, man. Everyone knows it, the Youngblood's and my crew we were going to have to stop you." Killer King pressed looking desperate. "You're a good man, Poison but some of the things you did... I just want to make sure you're truly okay. That things aren't going to go that direction again."

 _snap._ A stick breaking behind Fun Ghoul sends him whirling around in a blind panic, hand falling to his raygun quicker than breathing only for him to remove it once again.

Unimpressed eyes stared back at him. Northern Raised an eyebrow then narrowed his eyes looking from Ghoul to where Poison and Killer king stood arguing. Fun Ghoul's heart hadn't slowed down from when he thought there was an attacker merely speed up at the idea of being caught. Ghoul opened his mouth to say something, wiping the sweat from his palms against his jeans but Northern held up a finger to stop him then put the finger to his lips slowly. _Shh_. Then in a precise manner waved for Fun Ghoul to follow him before turning on his heels and with slow, simple steps began walking away. Fun Ghoul followed feeling as if he was being lead to the gallows. He had been caught eavesdropping after all, surely Northern DownPour was going to have it in for him. Northern DownPour looked even more strange in just the moonlight, his dark eyes, clothes and hair blending him in like the night but the pale of his skin, the odd way he moved reminded Fun Ghoul of a ghost and the desert of a cemetery. Northern DownPour lead them past the sleeping bodies of their friends around the barely lite fire and out of hearing distance for anyone around and then just froze midstep and turned around as if awaiting an explanation.

"I wasn't trying to eavesdrop." Fun Ghoul trys and fails at a good explanation. "I was just looking for Poison, I swear."

"You and Party Poison react... _differently_ around each other." Northern says blankly and Fun Ghoul frowns not sure if it was a question or not.

"I-I guess so?" Fun Ghoul stuttered and Northern nodded slowly, precisely as if he expected him to say that. "You've been watching me."

Fun Ghoul blurted out before he was thinking clearly, when Northern looked back up Ghoul expected him to be angry instead he just cocked his head to the side unimpressed. The shadows being cast from the firelight making his face seem more haunted and his irises more black, swirling darkly and consuming as if it was going to swallow him whole.

"Yes, I have been." Northern says raising an eyebrow his face remaining blank.

"That's not something people do for fun, you know." Ghoul says frowning and Northern nods.

"You want to know why I've been watching you?" Northern DownPour says his voice quite, strange. "Is that it?"

"Sure?" Ghoul says nervously because this was the most he had ever heard Northern talk. The way Northern talks makes the hair on the back of his neck standup. As if he wasn't merely nineteen, but older and more worn from all of the things he's experienced. "I mean it would be nice to know why I feel like I'm being watched all the time, yeah." The annoyance behind his tone obviously not reaching very far or meaning anything to Northern because he just ignores him.

"At first it was because I thought you murdered those Zone runners In cold blood." Northern replies slowly but then shrugs. "Now I just think that you killed them because you were in a bad situation. It isn't that hard to sort a murder from a killer. I should know."

"I- Why do you think I'm not a murder?" Ghoul asked because he's a stupid piece of shit that doesn't know when to stop asking questions. Northern DownPour narrows his eyes and then closes them completely, a pained look washed over his face. Fun Ghoul most have been watching him strangely because when he opened his eyes again after his face returned to a state of blankness he asked;

"You think I'm abnormal." Northern stated sounding curiose. "Do you want to know why?"

"Northern, I don't, I mean, you're different for sure, I just-" Fun Ghoul was in the midst of stuttering but Northern interrupts him.

"It's alright, Fun Ghoul. People talk and it's better you hear it from me." Northern Downpour licked his lips and his eyes only seemed to grow darker the lines in his face deeper.

"Okay, shoot." Fun Ghoul answers because in all honesty he was curiose and there was it didn't seem like Northern would take no for an answer. 

"Then listen close because I'm going to tell you a story." Northern says darkly and Fun Ghoul settles in next to where he has taken a seat on the ground. "Nine years ago, a boy lived with his family. His family was a large desert faction of nearly twenty people. The boy had two little sisters and an older brother, he had lovely parents and he was sure that they were quite lovely only the problem was-"

Northern's voice broke and he looked surprised for a second that he had revealed any emotion at all in his voice. His face was a different story, so different that Ghoul could barely breathe staring into all of that pain. He closed his eyes and continued.

"-That he didn't remember anything else about them except for their blood soaked faces and their _screams_. See, people don't get to be happy at least not for long. The boy was so happy for the ten years of his life that is what he can remember. The feeling of happiness. Until one day, a group of desert born arrived at his family's camp seeking refuge. The boy's faction gave them what they were looking for water, food, clothing, and safety but after a few hours that simply was not enough. What they were needing was blood and so blood they shed." Northern's eyes were staring off into the desert unblinking and hard tears sliding tracks down his blank face. Fun Ghoul didn't remember when his stomach had started sinking but his eyes were beginning to prickle with tears.

"Northern," Fun Ghoul swallowed and Northern DownPour didn't even look at him just continued the story.

"There were seven of them but all of them had raygun, knives, too many weapons and the faction had been a peaceful faction. They didn't carry weapons on them which only made it easier when the killing started. See this part the Boy would always remember clear as day. First they killed his great aunt and uncle, ray blasts to the head, they went quick. They were the lucky ones. Then his grandparents shot over and over until they stopped twitching and the smell of charred flesh and blood had grown stronger than even the screams. His uncle and aunt were next two of the men slit their throats and watched them bleed out while the other five chased down all four of his young cousins with raygun and knives, he didn't see what happened to them because his mother tried to shield his eyes, tried to run with him in her arms as their family were being slaughtered around them but he did see their blood run red down the sand. Over his moms shoulder he saw his family drop one by one, his younger sisters, his father, his older brother, everyone. And then finally he felt the raybast enter his mom's stomach and her last dying gasp as she fell forward onto the boy crushing him against the ground but hiding him from view. After the men left, the boy struggled for hours to get out from his mom's corpse but didn't succeed. Three days later a desert born found him and rescued him and nursed him back to health." Northern's tears dripped down his face in fast succession.

"Everyone died didn't they?" Fun ghoul's voice cracked and he touched Northern's shoulder lightly when he nodded.

"Most people figure I'm crazy. Maybe they're right, maybe they're not." Northern wiped his tears away almost angrily. "I saw my entire family bleed out around me. I'm abnormal, I know that. A freak possibly, broken, damaged, deranged. The point is," Northern looked up into Fun Ghoul's eyes.

"I watch seven people slaughter my family and I have become very good at distinguishing what a murder looks like. Especially after I hunted each one of them down and avenged my family." Northern shrugged as if it didn't bother him but Ghoul hurt for him because he knew it wasn't true. "You are not a murder, Ghoul. And Neither is Party Poison. A killer maybe, but aren't we all? That is why you need to talk to him because of what you overheard earlier."

"You want me to talk to him about Bert and his past?" Fun Ghoul frowned shaking his head.

"I think you need to and I think you want to." Northern says simply as if that explained everything and then stood up. "Come on we need to get back before, King and Poison do."

So Fun Ghoul stood, his shoulder's feeling a little less weighed down but his heart heavy from Northern's story and his advice. Maybe he was right after all, Fun Ghoul didn't know what it was that kept him wanting to be close to Poison but Ghoul had a feeling that until he knew the truth Party Poison was going to remain angry at a world that only wanted his forgiveness.

Party Poison meant something to Fun Ghoul as much as he didn't like it.

_He wondered if he meant anything at all to Poison?_

 

 

 


	14. So try to love me and I'll try to save you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Did you say his name was Korse?" Message Man blinked looking up from where he had been scratching a strange symbol into the wall with charcoal. "I've heard of him and if he's really the one after you... Things are definitely not going to go your way."
> 
> "He's right." Blurryface agreed. "We may not keep up with the sound waves the Doctor and his Pony are blasting now adays' but the desert has been echoing with news of a ghost. A new exterminator, as pale as a ghost, bald with cat like eyes. Rumor is he's barely human, already tore his way through a few desert crews and factions."
> 
> "Yeah, right." Party Poison scoffed drawing attention to himself across the room. "We've handled worse, we could take him. When he comes around we'll pixelate the pig and be done with it."
> 
> "Are you really cocky enough to lead your crew into a blood bath?" Blurryface narrowed his eyes at Poison, staring at him in slow regard. "The legend is only as disappointing as the real thing. Your reputation may proceed you, Party Poison, but trust me when I say that Korse is different from anything you've ever seen before. He's nothing but a hollow shell, worse than a Drac, smarter and more blood thirsty."

Party Poison was able to count all of the times he'd ever felt this way on his right hand. He hadn't been this angry for a long time, he couldn't be bothered enough to feel at all.

His vision was blurry and when he closed his eyes he saw red. Like the color was burnt into the back of his skull by angry words and panic. His emotions whipped around violently inside of the empty chasm inside of his chest. Anger, hate, guilt, fear, more anger fueling it all on. It made his mouth run dry and his hands clench uselessly into fists. It was as if the only thing keeping him grounded, keeping him _sane_ , keeping him here instead of being sucked into the black hole in his chest that kept tugging at the remainders of him, was his finger nails being sunk into the flesh of his palm. The small bit of pain forcing him to open his eyes, keeping him sane for a bit longer or as what others would say; just prolonging the inevitable.

The walk back to camp wasn't far but Poison had walked for a long time in the wrong direction just to allow Killer King to get his stupid self back to camp before he headed back himself. He'd had to deal with enough of that assholes _concern_ for the night.

When he arrived back at camp the fire had diminished to barely burning embers, which was safe in case any Draculoids were around to see it. Everyone was either asleep of faking it which didn't bother Poison, except for Green Gentlemen who was nearly ten feet from the rest of the campsite. He paced the length of the camp repeatedly, his raygun in hand, taking watch, he nodded at Poison in greeting but didn't say anything.

Then for a second time that night Party Poison dug his finger nails into his palms, hands clenching, sweat running down his forehead after Green Gentlemen gave him that _look_. That look that everyone kept giving him. Pity mixed with other more vile emotions like worry, concern even a touch of fear. He could hear their thoughts in his head like some sick repetitive mantra that made his stomach twist with horrible, horrible emotions.

_"What's wrong with Party Poison?"_

_"There goes that poor bastard, wonder what kind of fucked up things are going through his head right now?"_

_"Poison hasn't been the same since what happened with that kid. I bet he's finally losing it."_

_"Is Party Poison, ok?"_

_"Is he going to snap again?"_

Party Poison wanted to throw up in his mouth but he didn't. Instead he just nodded back with a forced smile and a bored expression on his face, he kept walking. Halfway to the trans-am, Poison stops next to where Fun Ghoul is curled up in his sleeping bag, eyes closed.

Something about seeing Ghoul, eyes closed in sleep, face untroubled by the horrors of the day, sweaty black strands of hair hanging in his eyes and sticking to his forehead and neck, made all of the rage inside of him fizzle and burn out. It left nothing behind but a bad taste in his mouth and a tired, numb, burning on the rough edges around the hole in his chest. Somewhere in what felt more like his throat than his heart, a bit of fondness rose up but then as quick as it had came was gone, like flames devouring a small piece of paper, in the blink of an eye it was swallowed up by his useless hollow heart. The only thing it was good for now a days was keeping his blood pumping.

"Goodnight, Ghoulie." Poison whispered and it felt like he meant it. Then before he could make things any worse for himself, he walked the rest of the way to the trans-am and climbed up onto the roof. Poison shuffled about to where he was comfortable and able to see the rest of the two crews. His eyes slid over them bringing up a few unpleasant emotions before he swallowed them back down.

Party Poison purposely sought them out through the dark, if he hadn't been looking he doubt he would've even been able to see them. Killer King and Northern Downpour were the farthest away hidden deepest into the night, their sleeping bags pulled together, bodies curling together protectively. Killer King's hand still woven in Northern's hair, sleep stilling it and Northern's face buried in his chest clutching him close. _Who did they think they're kidding?_ Poison thought bitterly forcing himself to look away because if he looked any longer he would have to lie to himself again. Tell himself that he didn't feel guilty at all for what happened between him and the Panic! Crew, that he didn't feel jealous for the way Killer King and Northern Downpour cared for each other.

Sometimes Poison's emotions got so twisted inside of him that he forgot that in, what felt like another life time, he had been good friends with them. He might've even considered them family. The Panic! Crew, The Fabulous Killjoys and the Young Blood faction. Less than a year ago you couldn't mention one of them without mentioning the others but now they avoided each other as much as possible. The havoc they wrought on Better Living together, they were allies, the big three. Practically the founding members of the rebellion and along with Dr. Death Defying's help they were nearly unstoppable. In till of course the day that the Killjoys desperately needed them the most and _they didn't come_. It didn't matter that Jet Star and Kobra Kid eventually forgave them. It didn't matter that the Young Bloods had been to far away to arrive on time to make a difference. It didn't matter that Killer King begged Poison the next week for forgiveness.

_"I'm so sorry, Poison. I couldn't bring my crew into that." Killer King pleaded touching Poison's shoulder only to be shoved roughly away. "Green Gentlemen was injured, Northern Downpour wasn't ready for a firefight of that multitude. If it was your crew what would you have done!? Poison, look at me!"_

None of it matter because on days that Poison blamed the world for what happened to Bert he always blamed them first. They should have been there to help, why hadn't they just been there? On days that he blamed himself for what happened he only felt guilt. After that Party Poison deliberately turned his back on all of their allies except for Dr. Death Defying. He wanted nothing more to do with any of them. Yet here he was traveling with the Panic! Crew like it was old times and just thinking of old times made his stomach turn. There was a time when Poison would've died for King and his crew and now with each passing day he had to push back some fondness. Killer and himself really had been a troublemaking pair but now he just didn't know if he could ever forgive them. If Poison forgave them did he deserve to be forgiven in return? After all it was Party Poison who walked away from Killer King's pleading for forgiveness, left the Panic! Crew and the Young Bloods in zone six without a second look.

If Party Poison was honest with he didn't want Killer King's _forgiveness,_ or his _worry,_ his selfless _concern._ What he wanted was a fight and for Killer King to come out on top and a little less bloody. He wanted Killer King to be angry at him like he deserved, to yell at him, punch him, anything. Instead of being sympathetic, he wasn't a kid. He was a grown ass adult with problems and he was an asshole. Yes, Poison knew he was an asshole but sometimes the empty piece of shit heart inside of his chest couldn't make him care less.

"Maybe I really am crazy." Poison says bitterly under his breath. His hazel eyes flickered back over to where Northern DownPour was sleeping with Killer King about ten feet away.

The desert people were always telling stories about the kid who was trapped for three days under his mother's rotting corpse but most had never met the 'monster' behind the tales. Party had heard many versions of the story but all of them described Ryan Ross the same way. Dark hair, dark eyes haunted from seeing too many ghosts, strange almost sinister. But the stories never depicted what he was really like; sad. Just sad and that was the reason behind all of it. Most people who are deemed insane, demented, even a monster are. Party Poison finally understood that. Maybe it was because of what people had been saying about him recently. Maybe it was because it was true.

Party Poison yawned, frowning and shaking his head hoping it would make the tiredness leave his bones. It didn't. His eyes stung and watered feeling weighed down from his lack of sleep. He'd slept only a few hours the entire trip, most of them disturbed by nightmares. Now all of his waking hours were catching up to him. He slumped back against the top of the trans-am staring up at the stars feeling nearly drowned in his exhaustion. He let his eyes close after a while of hesitation, clear thoughts slipped from his mind. After a while sleeping became strange unless it was forced. Party Poison drifted off into the dark, black, oblivion.

 

-

 

"Gerard, wake up. Gee, your going to wake up the others." The frustrated whispers of his younger brother made Party Poison shoot up imeadelty awake like the snap of a rubber band or the recoil of a gun. Poison's world spun on its hinges for a second, leaving him reeling, his hand reached out for something to steady him so he didn't go tumbling off the trans-am, the closet thing was Kobra's arm. "Whoa, Party calm down. It's just me."

"Give me a second." Poison panted fingers gripping his jacket tight. When he got his eyes open, Kobra was staring at him with one eyebrow tilted upwards and a some what amused look in his eyes.

"You were talking in your sleep. Or, screaming actually." Kobra shrugged as Poison released his hold on him and sat up. He didn't know how long he had been asleep nor what the nightmare had been about but his heart was still pounding in his chest and judging from the light coming over the horizon it was nearly morning.

"Must've been dreaming about Showpony in that horrible tank top again." Party Poison rolled his eyes his attempt at joke falling flat. Kobra kid's eyes narrowed and Poison's mouth shut with a click.

"You told me that the nightmares had stopped." Kobra's voice came out quite. To anyone else they wouldn't have been able to detect the bit of disappointment hidden under his tone but Poison knew his little brother to well to not notice it.

"It's not important, Mikes. Besides I-" Poison wasn't allowed to finish the sentence.

"Why did you lie to me, Gerard. You told me that the nightmares had stopped." Kobra kid repeated the twitch in his eyebrow letting on just how upset he really was behind his poker face.

"They're not your problem, I didn't want you worrying about them. Or about me." Party Poison shrugged again pulling his legs up to his chest so that he didn't feel so exposed.

"I do worry about you!" Kobra whisper yelled and Poison felt his stomach drop. "I want you to get better, Gee. I'm your brother do you really think I haven't noticed? After Bert, how different you've become? _Different_ I can handle, Poison. _Different_ I can understand, but the way you completely shut yourself down, how protective you became over me and Jet after the accident? I just don't understand why you won't talk to me about it. I want to help you."

"Sometimes, Mikey, sometimes there are thing I can't talk to you about." Poison says slowly, fingers scratching at the paint on the trans-am.

"But you can talk to Fun Ghoul about it?" Kobra seethed a little and Poison blinked. "That's right I've heard the two of you."

"Ghoul is different." Poison argued defensively, heart pounding wondering just how much he had heard. "He's not my little brother, Mikey. It's my job to protect you not burden you with my bullshit." Kobra sighed as if he wasn't getting the point at all.

"I get that Poison, I really do and that fine. But why can't you open up to me? I'm your brother for cris' sakes." Kobra says haughtily and in another situation Poison would've laughed at the way Kobra crossed his arms and practically pouted.

"I know I hurt your feelings, Mikey. I just didn't want you to worry. You've got enough shit to deal with trying to figure Fun Ghoul into the desert." Party Poison tried and Kobra kid shifted looking as if he was deciding if it was an acceptable or not. It was the closet to an apology he was going to get.

"I forgive you, _asshole_." Kobra mumbled but Poison detected a bit of fondness laced into his sarcasm. It was quite for a few moments before Poison, still feeling guilty from earlier, decided to confide in Kobra Kid about his fight with Killer King.

"Killer King tried talking to me last night." Poison frowned thinking back on it.

"What?" Kobra kid yelped looking surprised. "What happened?"

"I told him to stick his concern where the sun don't shine." Poison shrugged a bit guiltily.

Kobra threw his hands up looking slightly amused behind his upset. "Why did I ever think that you could hold a mature conversation with him!?"

"Pshht, I'm mature. It's just not in my nature to be forgiving. I'm trying, I swear." Party Poison argued but Kobra just rolled his eyes.

"Are you ever going to be on good terms with him again?" Kobra asks quietly not meeting his eyes and sobering the conversation back out.

"I hope so, Kobra. Things are that simple though." Poison sighs and it goes quite again. As if neither of them have the words to describe what they're both feeling.

"You said that Ghoul was different. How different?" Kobra remarks randomly a sly grin crossing his face before he managed to hide it. Poison raised an eyebrow ignoring the strange tension in his chest.

"Fun Ghoul an asshole and he infuriates me. He's stupid and sometimes I feel like he's going to get himself killed." Poison breathed firmly. "He's fucked up, Kobra. Like really bad. The shit he's been through has fucked him up."

"But...?" Kobra pressed and Poison sighed running a hand through his tangled hair.

"But I don't hate him like I used to. I don't like him but I don't hate him." Poison explained, "I feel like I can really talk to him without bad shit happening. Sometimes we talk and the things I tell him are like acid on my tounge. Sometimes he tells me things about his past that makes us both feel like we're being carved into with knives but It doesn't hurt as bad after we talk about it. So yes, Kobra. He's _very_ different but that doesn't mean I like the guy."

Kobra didn't say anything for a few minutes just shifted his head side to side with a grin growing on his face. "Wow, Poison you big idiot. Aren't you literally adorable? You made up this huge metaphor, you could've just told me that you liked him."

"Wha-? Kobra, I said I didn't hate him that's not the same thing." Poison felt his face heating up.

"You want to become best friends with my best friend, and you want to tell your angsty little monologues together." Kobra teased looking pleased that he had somehow gotten Poison to admit that Fun Ghoul wasn't that bad. "I knew he'd grow on you."

"Yeah, yeah. Sure, best friends. If you'll be quite. The others are waking up." Poison shushed him and Kobra grinned elbowing him. Sure enough, New Moon who had switched with Green Gentlemen as some point during the night was having a conversation with Killer King who had emerged from his spot snuggled with Northern DownPour who was stirring within his pile of blankets.

"Better go wake up, a certain friend." Kobra hopped off the car with a grin.

"Don't breathe a word of this to Ghoul, Mikey or I swear to Christ." Poison threatened feeling a bit flustered.

"My lips are sealed." Kobra grinned one last time before walking off a little more bounce to his step than before. Party Poison runs a hand through his hair thinking, _that kid is truly going to be the death of me_.

He watched the two crews begin rising and seeing Jet Star and Green Gentlemen begin a fire attempting to prepare packets of porridge over it. Northern Downpour joining New Moon and Killer King while they packed up the sleeping bags and all evidence that they had stayed there overnight before joining Jet and Green Gentlemen around the fire. His eyes flickered rather casually over to where Kobra kid was helping, Fun Ghoul hair ruffled from sleep, roll up the raggedy sleeping bag and thin blanket. And with some hesitation allowed Kobra to drag him over to the fire as well.

Party Poison watched them all and this time when the fondness rose up in his throat the hole in his chest didn't imeadelty snatch it and suck it back down. Instead it lingered a while bringing up snatches of conversation.

_"I'm your friend, Party. We miss you, hell probably more than you know." Killer King exasperated the night before._

Poison swallowed a lump in his throat and wiped the sweat from his palms of onto his jeans. He thought back to Kobra kid's plea for him to try harder, the sad glances from Jet Star, and he rose from his perch on the trans-am. His feet his the desert sand and it shifted unsteadily. The first step was the hardest and then he found himself calling on a bit of his false confidence and walked the rest of the way with swagger. He felt their eyes on him when he nudged his way in between Ghoul and Killer King. The conversation only stalled for a second before they continued like it was normal but the air had changed. He shifted closer to Ghoul because in some way he made the hole in his chest feel less empty.

Poison tuned out the conversation that was going on between the rest of the two crews and when he looked up he met eyes first with Northern DownPour who was staring at him through narrowed eyes from beside Killer King and then with King himself. King's eyes stared back at him both curiously and suspicious. Poison couldn't blame him.

"You alright?" He asked with the raise of an eyebrow.

Poison cleared his throat. "Look, King. I said some shit last night that I didn't mean. We both done some shit but you didn't deserve _most_ of what I said."

He wasn't apologizing that was the one thing both of them knew for sure. Party Poison never had and never would apologize for anything. Nothing was worth apologizing for.

Killer King was silent for a moment and then he was _laughing_?

"Hell, Poison. You didn't have to say anything like that." Killer King clapped him on the back. "You're always welcome with us, even if we fight. You're right. We've both done some shit."

And just like that the tension in the air dropped and Poison breathed a sigh of relief. Fun Ghoul and Poison met eyes and he smiled, short and small but there and it made Poison's stomach drop out from under him. Poison smiled back and it confused him because it felt real.

It wasn't long though before the Killjoy's and the Panic! crew packed up the rest of their supplies and were hitting the road again. They weren't far from zone three any longer and hoped to reach there in a few days. Jet Star in the passenger seat and Kobra kid in the back with Ghoul. For once things didn't seem so pointless.

 

-

 

They spent the entire day driving and after all nothing that came with it was surprise. The Killjoys had sort of fallen into some steady semblance of schedule. The first couple of hours in the car were alright, Kobra Kid and Fun Ghoul finding some ways to entertain themselves in the back usually messing around and fixing a few of there older weapons. Then of course the heat of the day and the noise in the back would always find some way to annoy Poison. So the next few hours consisted of Poison and Fun Ghoul bickering and he did like to take pride in the face that Ghoul seemed to actually put thought into their little games.

"Are you planning on stopping at any point?" Poison hissed letting his annoyance get the better of him after Fun Ghoul's humming had ceased to stop after a few minutes.

"Stopping?" Ghoul snapped back sarcastically. "Then however would I find another way to annoy you?"

"Real cute." Poison rolled his eyes, knuckles tightening on the steering wheel.

"Thanks I try but the real question is, can you stop fucking talking to me?" Ghoul spats shaking his head looking actually bothered for once. Poison frowned adjusting the mirror so he could catch a glimpse of Ghoul's face.

"Never," Poison smirked. "No can do, Ghoulie. Not unless you want to surrender and admit I'm better. _And Prettier_."

"Ain't gonna happen, asshole. Neither of those are true statements and I don't like to _lie_." Ghoul snapped before resting his face against the glass of the window. Party Poison's brow furrowed and he looked away forcing back a spasm of hurt. Something was off with Ghoul today as if he was nervous about something.

"Your saying that you don't think I'm pretty?" Poison frowned and Ghoul scoffed growing a bit red.

"I think you're pathetic if that helps at all." Ghoul muttered and Poison sighed before static over the radio stole his attention away from the annoyed boy in the back.

"Jet, what the hell is that?" Poison asks as Jet Star begins to fiddle with the buttons and dials on the radio.

"It's Death Defying's channel. It sounds like he's broadcasting something. Hold on, I've almost got it." Jet Star bit down on his lip as he concentrated in till a voice came on over the static.

_"Listen up, ya zone rats. Some say that Dr. Death Defying can be a real **Killjoy** but I say that he's a savior with some good advice so if you want to live, it might tickle your fancie to put your ear to the stereo."_ Showpony voice hollered over the sound waves. _"A certain Exterminator that goes by the names of Korse has caught the scent of one of our favorite crews. It's no time to **Party, Kid.** The snakes are out in the dunes. It's not going to be **fun** from here on out, we suggest you take the first **Jet** out of there. Whatever you do don't **Panic!** Good luck to all you desert rats in the zone. All **Four** of them."_

Poison and Jet Star exchanged looks before Poison looked back at his brother. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Secret code? This exterminator Korse fellow caught scent of us. He's here in zone four trying to track us down." Kobra confirmed and Poison cursed punching the steering wheel lightly.

"Fuck, Jet get Killer King on the radio. Tell him what's up. We're going to need an obscure place to camp for the night." Poison ordered and Jet Star grabbed the radio again.

"Hey, yeah. Killer King? We've got a problem." Jet star was saying before Poison was tuning him out. His heart was pounding loudly in his ears an exterminator, of course it was a fucking exterminator.

"Poison!?" Kobra slapped his arm drawing his attention. "King says he has a few friends we can stay with until the threat passes. He also says you're probably not going to like it."

Poison sighed nodding and keeping his hands clasped over the steering wheel. He was probably right.

 

-

 

"Friends, King!? Friends don't fucking shoot at us!" Poison yelled after inspecting the outside of his car, the drivers side window shattered after a raybast struck through it a few inches from Poison's face. Killer King shrugged meekly gesturing at the two new zone rats standing beside them. One had bright Pink hair, wore googles over his eyes and a black and red bandanna over his face, he had on no shirts so the tattoos on his skin stood out. He wore a sword on his back, shorts spattered in colorful paint and wore drumsticks on a ring attached to his belt. The other one had similar clothing style with dark hair and a black ski mask pulled over his face and in his hand, now aiming somewhat apologetically at the ground was his bright red ray gun.

"Killjoys, this is Message Man," Killer King nodded towards the one with pink hair. "And that is Blurryface. Boys, these are the Fabulous Killjoys."

"They shot my car." Poison mouthed, eyes wide in shock. Fun Ghoul snickered quietly to his left.

"We weren't expecting company." Blurryface shrugged.

"These guys," Kobra laughed highfiving Message Man who frowned and stared at his hand. "Are freaking awesome."

Poison exhaled slowly feeling that he might still be on the verge of homicide then inhaled again and spun around to face the rest of the group. Message Man and Blurryface stood far apart from the rest but there wasn't an inch of space between the two of them. The Panic! Crew and the Killjoys had sort of divided themselves between them.

Message Man and Blurryface were incredibly known in the desert but they only ever stuck to themselves. Sometimes they would go missing for months at a time, only sighting of them would be from when they blew Better Living trucks and equipment sky high. They were more behind the scenes type, though they had a huge following willing to do anything for them. A faction of nearly a hundred desert rats. They called themselves the Skeleton clique. But despite that they only ever needed each other and didn't deal with outside crews very often. They worked alone and their system worked pretty well, from what Poison had heard about them. They were strange, foreign and Message Man didn't even carry a raygun but they were a real nuisance to Better Living and Poison respected them because of it. They've wreaked havoc and burned full Better Living facilities to the ground and blown some into outer space. They could cause a lot of damage if you got them worked up and they were the best at disappearing from the grid when they wanted. So when they demanded that both of the crews hide their vehicles under desert tarps, specifically camouflaged to blend into the sand dunes they did what they were told.

"Can I get some help over here Please? Message, King?" Blurryface asks kneeling against the desert floor and beginning to lift the edge of something trapped under the sand. Message Man, Killer King and Jet Star rushed forward to help. Each one grabbing the ends of what looked like another sand colored tarp and pulling, the sand slid off it, returning to the ground like sand to the opposite end of a hour glass.Party Poison watched transfixed as Jet Star and Killer King folded up the tarp and Message and Blurryface pulled a large wooden slate out of the way, revealing  an under ground tunnel system.

"This is our home, our hide out, our safeplace. What ever you wish to call it. Do not ever mention its location or existence to anyone because if you do, you are dead." Message Man threatened with narrow eyes. He looked around at all of them and whoever said it was hard to look threatening with pink hair had no idea because Message pulled it off. When his eye came to him, Party Poison held his ground, staring back with a bored expression on his face before nodding slowly. Message Man nodded back looking satisfied before jumping into the opening in the ground, completely ignoring the ladder next to him. Blurryface rolled his eyes looking fond than patted the ladder as if to encourage the others to go down.

"Straight to the point. You've got to respect that." Fun Ghoul mutters glancing at Poison raising an eyebrow.

"He sounds like an asshole." Party Poison deadpans and Jet Star's head snaps up sending him a warning look as If Poison was stupid enough to start a fight with their hosts. Which he _wasn't_ it was just an observation.

" _You_ sound like an asshole." Ghoul made a face and Poison almost laughed at the way his nose upturned slightly and how he stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth. _Almost._

"Ok everyone in. Be careful when you get towards the bottom it gets a bit dark." Blurryface sympathized beginning his own descent down the ladder. New Moon, Green Gentlemen, Jet Star and Kobra kid went next in that that particular order. Northern DownPour didn't so much as move from where he stood nearly attached at the hip with Killer King but finally went down the ladder after a firm but gentle press of King's hand. He gave one last nervous, strange look to the sun and the desert around them before ducking under and climbing the rest of the way down.

Party Poison couldn't blame him, he looked around once more himself feeling grief well up inside of him. God, even though it was just for one night, two at the most, he already missed the desert. He missed the sun, the scratch of the sand against his face and the heat on his skin. Killer King grinned at him with a knowing expression before motioning with a dramatic sigh for him to go first.

With a roll of his eyes he began lowering himself down the ladder, one foot at a time because he wasn't the most graceful. He took his own sweet time getting down the ladder, feeling more and more like he was being buried alive. Sort of like he was suffocating. As Blurryface had promised the sunlight slowly faded from view and the tunnel got dimmer the farther down he went in till his feet finally hit something solid with little give. Party Poison steadied himself before looking around to get his bearings. His crew and Panic! are standing around the ladder looking around. Green Gentlemen already having a conversation with Message Man and Blurryface while the others listened but Poison tuned them out, wanting to focus on their surroundings instead.

They were in a small, slightly dingy looking room. The walls were cemented but had a dirt floor, the walls were covered in color, barely an inch of the off white or grey off the wall was showing. Vibrant paintings and strange symbols covered the three walls instead, the fourth wall opening up into a opening to a tunnel. The paintings covering the walls depicted scenes of old, foreign things, most if them destroyed during Better Livings rise to power. The closet wall was a sunset from before the radioactivity and how fucked the environment had become, had destroyed the colors it would create when it begun to disappear behind the horizon. Another showed the ocean with different creatures swimming in the waves, society had long since forgotten the names for, and long thin animals with a fin and flipper jumping out of the ocean, looking as if it might suddenly grow wings and be able to fly. A forest of various hues of green, the night sky, animals, people and places. Then the strange symbols printed with lines of various shapes and sizes. Poison recognized a few of them. They were like a calling card that would be left behind on the rubble of a Better Living factory or one of their trucks after Message Man and Blurryface busted it up with one of their bombs. It was like an extra fuck you towards the exterminators, knowing who you are but not being able to find you.

Poison couldn't help but feel overwhelming admiration for the pure creation and rebellion that went on around them. Even the cemented ceiling was decorated with paintings, a few lanterns for light and a long string of bright neon painted cans strung around the top of the room. It made the room feel lived in, sort of crazy creative but cozy, as close to a home as any desert born could get. Worn maps, plans and half built weapons litter the wooden table held together by rope and torn pieces of clothing. Even a few handmade chair were set up around it.

Killer King dropped onto the ground next to Poison jarring him from his thoughts and suddenly they were moving through the tunnel and into another room. The second room is larger with a reddish brown rug draped over the dirt floor, the walls covered in color and creation just like the first room, with a couple of catch phrases spray painted over some paintings looking suspiciously like lyrics. It was the size of a small gym, and had a fire pit dug into the center of the room, probably for cold nights.

_Not that they even need a fire pit for **warmth,**_ Party Poison thought with dry amusement when his eyes were immediately drawn to the only mattress pushed up into one corner of the room. Poison's eyes flickered over to Message Man and Blurryface. He did a full once over but his eyes caught what he was looking for in less than a second a smirk on his face. Both of them wore a small piece of each other's color around their wrists. Message Man wore a red and black cloth around his right wrist like a bracelet. One look at Blurryface confirmed that it was from his checkered bandanna. Blurryface wore a pink and yellow cloth around his left wrist, most likely cut out from one of Message Man's shirts. They were wearing each others colors, common for two desert born who are courting.

Party Poison forces himself to look away and just shrug to himself before moving on. Maybe if his heart wasn't completely useless, he could've felt happy for them.

Poison realizes that he's been standing in the corner blocking out the others, probably brooding, for long enough to bring attention to himself. Jet Star gestures at him to come sit down where the others are sitting in a semi-circle. A fire roaring to life in the fire pit. Message Man feeding the flames with blocks of wood from a pile in the corner. Poison struts forward, nudging Fun Ghoul to scoot over so he could sit between him and brother. Ghoul huffs like he is annoyed but Poison spots the corner of his lips turn upwards as he makes room. It makes the whole endeavor a little more bearable. Party Poison tunes into the current conversation attempting to figure out what they're talking about now.

"Dr. Death Defying hasn't had to use code over the radio for a long time." Jet Star sighs clearly stressed. "Like nearly a decade, long time."

"Maybe he wants to bring it back in style?" New moon offers weekly, optimistic.

"I don't think so." Killer King gritted his teeth. "If I had to place my life on a bet, I would say that the sound waves are compromised. Better Living most have found some way to listen into the channels."

"Showpony will fix that shit, right?" Kobra kid asked carefully. "I mean he's the best hacker in the zones and can work pretty hard when he wants to." Killer King shrugged but didn't seem to upset.

"Okay, so lets focus on our main trouble for the moment." Green Gentlemen nudged Killer King who nodded as if just remembering.

"Right. What did the good doctor have to say about this exterminator fellow?" Killer King asked looking at Poison who just yawned sarcastically. King rolled his eyes before turning on Jet Star and directing the question at him.

"He said that the exterminator had caught our scents and was tracking us right through zone four." Jet Star explained reasonably. "His name slipped my mind though."

"His name was Korse." Fun Ghoul said with a wince when everyone looked at him. Poison almost chuckled, Ghoul was a socially anxious little guy.

Did you say his name was Korse?" Message Man blinked looking up from where he had been scratching a strange symbol into the wall with charcoal. "I've heard of him and if he's really the one after you... Things are definitely not going to go your way."

"He's right." Blurryface agreed. "We may not keep up with the sound waves the Doctor and his Pony are blasting now adays' but the desert has been echoing with news of a ghost. A new exterminator, as pale as a ghost, bald with cat like eyes. Rumor is he's barely human, already tore his way through a few desert crews and factions."

"Yeah, right." Party Poison scoffed drawing attention to himself across the room hearing enough of this bullshit. He wasn't scared of no exterminator. "We've handled worse, we can take him. When not if he comes around, we'll pixelate the pig and be done with it."

"Are you really cocky enough to lead your crew into a blood bath?" Blurryface narrowed his eyes at Poison, staring at him in slow regard. "The legend is nearly as disappointing as the real thing." Poison scoffed but Blurryface continued looking sort of angry but in the _'I can't believe this guy is such an asshole._ ' kind of way that made his stomach roll.

"Your reputation may proceed you, Party Poison, but trust me when I say that Korse is different from anything you've ever seen before. He's nothing but a hollow shell, worse than a Drac, smarter and more blood thirsty." Blurryface bit his lip sitting back looking clearly disturbed. "This isn't someone you want to go against. Not alone and certainly not with your crew. If you see him you turn on your sorry little tails and run. Keep Running. That's the motto you live by right?"

"Have you had a run in with Korse before, Message?" Jet Star questioned sending Blurryface a quick apologetic glance.

"I don't think we'd be alive if we had." Message Man shuddered stirring the fire with one of his old drumsticks. "Lets just say we heard about him from a couple of old friends. We don't pay attention to the radio or anything like that."

Finally the answer to a question that had been running through Poison's head for the longest time. If they also recognized Fun Ghoul by his appearance. It was clear there was a warrant out for his head and Poison didn't want another confrontation like the one they had had with the Panic! Crew.

Party Poison and Fun Ghoul exchanged uneasy looks. The kind only exchanged when you shared a secret or guilt. Fun Ghoul shifted his entire body closer to Poison unconsciously to feel safer, less vulnerable somehow. Message Man notices.

"So, Poison, Is Fun Ghoul a new addition to your crew? Unless you're courting or are two just-er, uh, well... Ya know?" Message Man stutters.

"Shagging?" Blurryface suggests helpfully looking amused. "Screwing around? Bumping uglies? Getting it on? I have quite a bit more incase you wanna use those."

Party Poison's eyes widen and he nearly chokes, Fun Ghoul's face next to him going pink. _What_? _No seriously, what the **fuck**_ **?**

Poison is stunned into silence and no one says anything and for a moment the only thing that can be heard is the fire crackling then Northern DownPour for the first time all day speaks up.

"They do have quite a bit of chemistry, don't they?" Northern's says slowly, precisely with just a hint of a smile at his lips. His dark eyes flitting to Poison's, curiously, reminding him so much of a cat.

"Er, no. I sort of, um kind of, ended up with the killjoys after a while of wandering the desert. He's- I, we don't get along very well. So, yeah it's, not um. No. I've just been sort of like hanging out with them, I'm not like, uh, exactly a killjoy, its sort of, er complicated." Fun Ghoul stutters out an explanation looking embarrassed before Poison cuts him off grinning.

"Yeah. He's a part of my crew." Party Poison smirks and Fun Ghoul's head snaps up looking surprised. Thankfully before anymore questions in that line of fire could start up again, Kobra Kid changes the subject. Leaving everyone else to become suddenly interested in the places handiwork and how it was made.

Poison feeling a bit strange, brings it apon himself to slip out of the room, walking along the tunnel in till he reaches the first room they were in and pulls out his pack of cigarettes. He pulls one out slowly, liking the way the paper felt between his gloved fingers before pulling his lighter out from it's place in the pocket of his dead Pegasus jacket. With a flick of his wrist and a couple tries he lights the damn thing and inhales deeply. The smoke feeling his lungs and calming him, making the jittery feeling from a few minutes ago slip away with the smoke as he exhaled. The smoke formed a ring in the air, he inhaled again leaving the cigarette in his mouth so he could stash his lighter away.

"Smoking isn't going to help your nerves." Poison jumped nearly dropping his cigarette.

"Jesus fuck, Jet!? Scare a man to death, why don't ya?" Poison complained and Jet Star just shrugged looking unimpressed.

"That was a nice thing you did back there." Jet star smiles softly looking like he was tiptoeing around something.

"Hmm? What saying Ghoul was a part of the crew? Well, I mean he kind of already is. Not officially but you and Kobra seemed attached to him. So, I didn't get much say in the matter anyway." Poison inhaled more smoke into his lungs with a pointed look at Jet.

"You're not fooling anybody, Poison." Jet Star says with a goofy grin on his face.

"Whatever." Poison rolled his eyes flicking ash off the end of his cigarette.

"I'm proud of you." Jet Star replies sobering out and Poison nods looking away. Ghoul enters the room slowly looking from Jet Star to Poison uncomfortably, his hands clenching and unclenching. Poison frowns giving Jet Star a _'don't you dare leave me alone with him'_ look but Jet Star just raised an eyebrow smiling innocently.

"Hey, Ghoul. I was just leaving do you mind keep Poison, here company?" Jet Star asks winking at Poison on his way out the door. Ghoul nods awkwardly before shuffling forward to stand next to Poison. _That little shit,_ Party Poison seethed.

"Want a smoke?" Poison asks finally and Ghoul nods looking a bit relieved. So Poison stamped out his current one and pulled out another one, lighting it and taking an inhale before handing it over to Fun Ghoul. They stood there for a few minutes, not speaking just passing back and forth the cigarette in till that one burns out and Poison lights a new one. The comfortable silence is stolen when Fun Ghoul exhales a cloud of smoke with a sudden question.

"What did you mean a while back when you said 'I swear it to my name'." Fun Ghoul sort of blurts out all at once and It takes a couple of seconds for Poison to decipher what he's saying but when he does he wishes he hadn't.

"It's nothing. Just a metaphor or some shit." Poison finally managed to say but Ghoul shook his head.

"I know that's not true. When you said it everyone acted like it was some big deal. What did it mean?" Fun Ghoul pressed, flinching when Poison sighed putting out the cigarette against his leather glove.

"It's the greatest promise you can make in the desert. If you swear something to your name, it means you are tethered to that thing. It's fate becomes your fate." Party Poison explained trying the best his could to keep his face blank. "Its a binding contract."

"Does that mean," Fun Ghoul tries but Poison interrupts looking annoyed.

"Yes, Ghoulie. If anyone finds out that you killed those desert born we will both suffer the same fate." Poison adds nonchalantly.

"Why the hell would you do that if you knew I was guilty!?" Ghoul throws up his hands looking genuinely upset. "Why would you do something like that for me. When we, we practically hate each other!?"

Poison frowned at Ghoul with confusion. "You can't actually be saying that you're angry at me."

"No, I don't know!?" Ghoul stuttered glaring at him. "Why would you do that?"

"For starters? Because of your pretty face." Poison mocked but another glare from Fun Ghoul shut him down. "Maybe it was because we're not as different as you seem to think."

Its quite for a few seconds and Poison feels a bout of satisfaction at shutting him up but then Ghoul is looking at him again; with that hesitant look that makes Poison's nerves come back.

"You never told me about Bert that night. You promised you would." Fun Ghoul points out but it's gentle not like he's poking at an open wound. "I think you need to talk about it. All of it."

Party Poison feels his heart race begin to pick up, so he breathes out slowly before sliding down the wall coming to a rest on the ground. Fun Ghoul watches him before doing the same.

"Listen, Ghoul. I've never pretended to be something I'm not." Poison breathed out unsteadily, a  hand coming up to tug at his scarlet hair.

"Poison? What are you trying to say?" Ghoul finally got out, shivers running down his spine.

"I've done things, Ghoulie, bad things." Party Poison says slowly, feeling the words form on his lips from far away.

"O-okay?' Fun Ghoul sputtered then took a breath noticing the state Poison was in. He rested a hand on Party Poison's knee. "Poison, it's alright. I mean it's not but I understand. Whatever you have to say, you can tell me. I just want to help you."

If it had been anybody else, Poison would have been angry. He would've shoved Ghoul's hand off his knee, would've stomped off and left him to his own sympathy. But Poison didn't feel threatened when he was around Fun Ghoul, he felt _**safe**_.

"Bert was fifteen when we first found him." Party Poison started, closing his eyes as if that could block out the memories popping up in his mind. "He had escaped the city with his parents but they were killed by draculoids after only a few weeks. We took him in, protected him, gave him everything he ever needed. He was a part of the family. I knew him best but he adored Jet Star. Kobra Kid and Bert would always try see who could annoy me first."

"You loved him?" Fun Ghoul asks quietly after Poison began shaking.

"He was like my little brother, Ghoul." Party Poison shook with the force of the words. " But he trusted me and in the end I let him down. I didn't teach him how to defend himself. I just wanted him to be a kid for a little longer. When it comes down to it, it's my fault. I should've protected him, taught him how to shoot. I should've done something, I-, I don't know."

"What ever happened to him, Poison, it wasn't your fault." Ghoul tried comforting him but Poison shook his head. Party Poison stared down at his hands, lacing them together to stop the shaking. His eyesight had become blurry so Poison knew he was crying but he couldn't feel it until the tears dripped down his nose.

"You don't understand, Ghoul." Poison shook his head breathing roughly. "We were out numbered, it was dark, and we got surrounded. They got to Bert and I was to far away to do anything about. His last words were my name. He was calling my name because he thought I would save him. But I couldn't because I'm not a hero, Fun Ghoul. No matter what they say about me."

"Poison, you can't blame yourself for his death." Ghoul kind of felt his heart fracture seeing Poison like this. "If you do it will just keep eating at you."

"Bert isn't dead, Ghoul." Poison looked up at him, a few tears hanging from his eyelashes. "He was masked. They took his soul."

"Wha-, they took his soul?" Ghoul frowned and Poison who had remained sort of stoic this entire time finally broke completely.

"If a person puts on a drac mask they lose their humanity. They become a drac, mindless, forget what it was like to be human. They did that to him, Ghoul! To a fucking kid, they destroyed him!" Poison's hands clenched in his lap. "He's out there somewhere. A mindless drac. We got away but Jet Star and Kobra had to drag me away. After they put the masked on Bert, he stopped fighting all together, stopped screaming just froze and let them walk away with him."

"Party Poison," Ghoul tried before starting over. "People talk and sometimes I hear stories about the things you did after Bert was masked. I think I understand a lot more than most because we're both really messed up." Ghoul laughed bitterly and Poison nodded because it was the truth.

Poison cleared his throat and wiped at his eyes. "Thanks, Ghoulie. I, I think I'm gonna stay up for a while, okay?"

"I'll stay with you." Ghoul finally removed his hand from Poison's knee. Poison kind of missed the warmth.

They didn't say anything else, they sat there together just in each others presence and it made Poison sort of feel more whole. After a while Ghoul fell asleep next to Poison and Poison didn't have the heart to wake up. Unable to suppress the urge he reached out and brushed a strand of hair out of Ghoul's eyes. He mumbled something in his sleep and Poison felt warmth in his heart and a small smile on his lips.

He leaned back against the wall feeling strange, almost content, like the whole in his chest was barely there. But somewhere in the back of his mind he was panicking, he kept reminding himself that he couldn't get close to Fun Ghoul. He wanted to save him from himself as tragic as that sounded. Poison didn't want to ruin Fun Ghoul. He didn't want his demons to soak into Ghoul. What made it worse was the question now burned into his skull. _What if Ghoul tried to care for him, what if he tried to love him?_

_"_ Try to love me," Poison whispered brushing one last black strand of hair from Ghoul's sleeping face. "And I'll try to save you."

Eventually Party Poison feel asleep himself and he wouldn't remember it in the morning but he dreamt of a world before Better Living and bright, happy, Kaildescope eyes.

For the first time in long enough for them to forget what it felt like, neither of them were haunted by nightmares. They slept peacefully through the night, right at each others sides.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading. Leave some kudos if you liked it and comment if you have a question, a comment, or a suggestion. The chapter title is Josh and Tyler's lyrics. This chapter took way to long, half of it deleted because the power went out. But now it's here so tada. <3


	15. This Life is War.

When Fun Ghoul woke up the next morning Party Poison was gone. Ghoul sat up blinking sleep from his eyes and rubbing his temple. He searched the room for some sign of the red headed bastard but he was no where to be seen.  
  
"Figures." Ghoul sighed trying really hard not to feel annoyed or hurt. He wasn't going to feel hurt. Fun Ghoul stretched and his bones cracked and groaned feeling stiff from sleep. It turns out sleeping on the ground did not do wonders for his back and he climbed to his feet with another sigh. Because to hell with it, the world was probably already aware of his whole hearted displeasure with how things had turned out. Ghoul had actually thought that he and Poison were getting some where and then he leaves Ghoul sleeping on the floor by himself. What a gentlemen, Ghoul thought sarcastically, the asshole could've at least thought to wake him.  
  
Fun Ghoul walks as quietly as he can back towards the room the crew is occupying in case they're still asleep. Despite the sound of the dry soil shifting against his shoes all is silent. When Ghoul enters the room it is quite obvious no one is sleeping. Message Man and Blurry face are whispering conspiratorially to each other their backs to Ghoul. The Panic! Crew have moved closer to the door and the first thing Ghoul notices is that any ghost of emotions had been wiped clean from their faces. Killer King is using a knife to sharpen a piece of wood into a point and Northern Downpour looks even more grim than usual the dying light from the fire casting shadows across his face and making his eyes gleam darkly. Northern is making the only sound in the room as his fingers tap softly, nervously, against the barrel of his ray gun and it is enough to make Ghoul feel like he's walked into a cemetery or a funeral procession. He turns toward Jet Star and Kobra Kid who is shuffling the embers of the fire with a metal rod.  
  
"Yo Jet, where's Poison? I need to have a talk with that son of a bitch." Fun Ghoul asks making his presence known. Kobra kid stops stirring the fire and looks up at Ghoul with something like confusion on his face.  
  
"He's not with you?" Kobra Kid looks from Ghoul to Jet star.  
  
"No? I mean he was but then I fell asleep and- wait then were the fuck is he?" Ghoul hadn't seen him when he had woken up. Maybe he had stepped out to take a piss?  
  
"Ghoul," Jet says, putting a hand up to shush Kobra who had suddenly lurched to his feet. "Poison came in about a half hour ago and told us you two were going to take watch after we heard shots fired in the sands above us. Did you see him when you woke up?"  
  
Ghoul seriously felt his stomach dropped and he shook his head his lips moving to form the words 'no' but falling silent. Suddenly everything made sense the tension in the room, the fear, the absolute silence Ghoul had walked in on.  
  
Ghoul drags in a breath. "He's out there. What the fuck is he thinking?"  
  
"He's not." Killer King sighed leaning forward on his heels toward Ghoul and running a weary hand through his dark hair. "I thought he was done doing stupid shit like this. Damn Party Poison and Damn the fact that he has a death wish bigger than the entire desert."  
  
In the silence between his words a distant sound cracks the air like a whip and Ghoul flinches, dust shakes itself from the ceiling and the entire room shakes. Earthquakes are common in California so for a moment no one says anything. But they know that it's not an earthquake. Not this time.  
  
"Poison!" Kobra Kid looses all since of his calm and collected self and rips his ray gun from his pocket heading for the exit. Jet Star grabs his arm pulling him backwards before he can get very far. Kobra Kid rips his arm out of Jet's grip."Jet, get out of the way! My brother is out there! Party, is out there! What the fuck are you all doing!? We need to help him!"  
  
"We can't just go rushing out there, Kobra." Jet star says firmly blocking his path firmly. "How would Poison feel if he got one of us killed? We need a plan."

Ghoul felt like his stomach had dropped out of him and his heart was in his throat. He had never seen Kobra kid loose his cool like this before.

The Panic Crew! Are standing on there feet now too ray guns drawn. somewhat apologetically. "Kobra, Jet is right. If any of us get killed because Poison is being reckless that will kill him quicker than any Drac ever could."  
  
"Shut the fuck up, King! You don't know a thing about my brother! You're not our leader, King! Our Leader is out there about to be slaughtered by some dracs because you're too fucking scared too-"  
  
Kobra was red from anger and everyone was yelling so loud Ghoul's ears were ringing. Ghoul felt as if he was moving through molasses, he watched Kobra shove Killer King and then in a blur of movement Kobra was knocked backwards off his feet. Kobra landed on his back hard enough to knock the air out of him and then Northern Downpour was on top of him keeping him down. Northern's eyes were wild and crazed and burning like a dark brown fire, his face was contorted with anger and pain. Northern Downpour held the tip of his ray gun against Kobra's throat with shaking hands.  
  
The room fell silent and no one moved. Kobra stared shocked and paralyzed at the gun being pressed against his neck, his palms spread in surrender.  
  
"Northern, let go of Kobra kid." Killer King said softly but firmly. Northern's eyes landed on Killer King and his hands began to shake, he pointed his ray gun at Killer King then back at Kobra. He closed his eyes and when he opened them he pressed the gun harder into Kobra's chest. Jet Star made a noise of distress but Killer King waved him off never looking away from Northern Downpour. Killer king slowly placed his ray gun on the floor, his step precise and his palms up he took a step forward. "It's okay, I'm okay. Look at me Northern."  
  
Northern looked up at him his eyes wide and pleading and Killer took another step forward. "Give me the gun, love. Please, Ryan let go of our friend." It was a memento to how serious the situation was that Killer King had called Northern his real name in front of so many people.  "It's okay, Ryan. Just give me the gun and it's going to be okay."  
  
Killer king's hand closed over Northern's wrist and Northern slowly relaxed at the touch. Killer king knelt down next to him carefully and gently wrapped his arm around Northern's waist, the gun in his hand went lax and he let King take it from him. King tossed it and it slid away from them and across the floor. Killer King and Northern stumbled backwards off of Kobra kid and a little ways away.  
  
"Kobra, are you alright?" Ghoul and Jet knelt to his side helping him stand. Kobra nodded, his hand coming up to touch his throat wearily where Northern's gun had been just moments before. Northern no longer looked like he was going to lose and instead his face was blank and his eyes were glazed.  
  
"Don't touch him again." Northern uttered the words without even looking at Kobra but the threat was clear.

The earth shook above them again and this time the sound of loud, blaring music, floated down from the sands.  Ghoul felt frustration pick at him, they were wasting _**time**_. 

"I'll fucking go." Fun Ghoul clenched his hands into fists. Everyone turned to look at him. "I'm not Jet star or Kobra kid or even one of you guys. I'm not someone Poison cares about and if I get killed it won't matter. I'll go up there with him and stall for time while you come up with some sort of plan."

The room was quite for a few seconds except for the sprinkle of sand falling from the ceiling to the floor and the sounds coming from the surface of the desert. 

They were all looking at him like he had just appeared out of thin air. Nobody seemed to know what to say. 

"Ghoul, that's not-" Kobra started and Fun Ghoul interupted him. 

"I'm not letting your brother die just because you want to make me feel better about myself, Kobra. Poison and I have been at each other's throats from day one." Fun Ghoul snaps and he pulls his American Flag bandana over his face and ties it around the back of his head. He pulls his raygun out of its holster and looks around at the crew, daring them to question him. 

Jet star looked like he wanted to say something but killer King sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose with his pointer finger and his thumb. 

"Alright, Ghoul. Stall for time. We'll be up in less than five with a plan and some heavy artillery." Killer king clasped a hand on Ghoul's shoulder. Then turned towards Message Man and Blurry face. "I'm assuming you do have some heavy explosives?" 

With that Ghoul wasted no more time, he nodded towards Kobra Kid and Jet Star wishing with all of his heart that they might know how grateful he is that they gave him a chance. Then Fun Ghoul turned on his heel and ran all through the dim hall back to the first room. The room Ghoul and Poison had say together and actually spoke for once. The room Fun Ghoul fell asleep in and woke to noone by his side. 

Fun Ghoul began climbing the ladder and with it he felt like he was reamerging from dangerous waters. Fun Ghoul couldn't think about that now. All he wanted to do was grab Party poison by the scruff of his navy blue jacket and drag him back into the safety of the underground but if what he feared was true it would take alot more convincing than that. 

Maybe this was it, Party Poison didn't want to come back underground much less make it out of this alive. 

And Ghoul had to tell himself that he didn't care that Poison didn't care about him. Poison, who didn't know that he was a hero. Poison, who didn't know how damn good he looked with his vivid red hair. Poison, who felt the guilt of a thousand soldiers. Poison, who turned to recklessness and anger to comfort him. Poison, who had the support of hundreds of zonerunners. Poison, who had somehow worked his way under Ghoul's skin. 

Next to Party Poison, Fun Ghoul was a nobody. 

Fun Ghoul promised himself something right then and there when he was at the top of the ladder almost ready to push back the hatch and climb into the heat of the desert.

Fun Ghoul was going to make sure Poison got out of this alive even if it killed him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I've been practically MIA for the past few... months has it been? Anyways I'm back and here with a new chapter. Hopefully I'll be able to start cranking out more chapters and an actual schedule this time. Wish me luck haha. It's always really hard to stay motivated so any support in the comments is really appreciated! Thank you for reading and I hoped you liked it.


	16. I'm Not Gonna Let You Down.

Party Poison woke up the next morning feeling like death and itching with something he couldn't describe. His hazel eyes had immediately flickered over to Fun Ghoul's sleeping form and he felt sicker. _What the hell is he doing?_

Party Poison pushed himself up into a sitting position, careful and quite so he didn't wake Ghoul. He licked his dry lips and pressed his hand to the side of his temple where he was already developing a head ache.

Poison felt like this sometimes when he was around Fun Ghoul for too long or they got to talking about things that they shouldn't. _Like last night_. He felt all wrong inside like the black hole inside of himself had closed, filled in, and left instead an empty chest. It was like his heart was suddenly in working order but it was entirely uncertain with what to do with itself. 

Some would argue that's better for someone like Party Poison. A killjoy born of chaos, violence and rock and roll. Poison would argue that he'd rather feel all those awful feelings than feel empty like this.

Suddenly a boom echoed across the sand dunes and the walls inside of the bunker shook. Dust, dirt, sand, rained down on Poison and he blinked up at the ceiling. What the fuck was that?

Poison jumped to his feet, hand on the Ray gun in his holster. His eyes darted back to Ghoul as he rounded the corner of the room, the other killjoy lay curled on his side still fast asleep. 

When Poison entered another great _boom_ shook the room and the other killjoys were just waking up. Kobra kid rubbed his eyes and glared at Poison as if he was the one who caused the not earthquake. His brother was not a morning person.

Killer King and Northern Downpour struggled to emerge from beneath a blanket. New Moon brushed sand off himself and Green Gentlemen stared at the ceiling as if it was going to cave in at any moment. 

Jet Star shook his fro to knock the dust from it and looked to Message Man and Blurry face for some kind of explanation. 

"It must be the exterminator." Party Poison said voice rough with **_excitement?_**  

No. Poison pushed that emotion out of his voice as quick as he could. His thoughts veering dangerously close to the words relapse and distraction.

"I thought you said he wouldn't find us here?" Poison tossed a glare at Message Man. He wasn't still bitter about the guy shooting his car. No way. 

"They're scarecrows if they want you find you bad enough they will." Message Man shrugged. "But it doesn't look like they've found you yet. So how about being a little more grateful because your in here and not still out there."

"We're safe in here, Poison." Killer King said but when another boom shook the room he looked more uncertain. "We are safe in here right, Blurry face?"

"No one knows where our home is except for you eight." Blurry face raised an eyebrow. "They have no idea that we're here but they know your in the zone. They want to draw you out. Someone must've heard about Poison's willingness to engage in a fight."

Poison narrowed his eyes at Blurry face and Jet Star interrupted before Poison could retaliate. 

"We need to stick to the original plan. We need to wait them out."Jet star agreed sending Party Poison a look. 

Poison felt everyone's eyes on him. He knew they expected him to call bs and grab his crew and get the hell out of dodge. But even Poison knew that was counter productive so he forced a smile onto his face and nodded his head like a puppet. 

"Alright. We'll let the pigs cook up a storm and when they're through we'll get the hell out of here. I'll go hang with Ghoul until then. We'll keep watch, make sure they don't wiggle their way into the bunker if they find it." Poison's words spill out into the air painting a lie into the stale air of the bunker like it was a canvas.

They all nod looking relieved as Poison starts to leave except for Jet Star who watches him go with a look in his eyes. Like he has his suspicions.

Party Poison walks through the dim hall and re-enter the room where Ghoul still sleeps curled up in the dirt floor.  Frustration fills him, he punches one of the cans hanging from the ceiling on a string and the cans clatter loudly against each other. He grabs at them trying to quite them his eyes going to Fun Ghoul's back turned towards him.

Party Poison didn't want to wake him. He _didn't_ want Ghoul trying to change his mind. He _didn't_ want Ghoul to talk some sense into him. 

He didn't need him too, after all he was just going to go to the surface for a peek. Poison just wanted to know who this Korse fellow really was. He wanted to know what made this exterminator so damn scary. 

**_Curiosity killed the cat._ **

Mikey used to tell him that all the time when they were younger and Poison had the urge to go exploring the outer reaches of Bat city or sneak into another compound and steal information, or even stop taking the pills in the first place. 

That didn't stop them from becoming killjoys and escaping the city anyways. It wouldn't stop him now either. 

Party Poison looked at Ghoul one last time and then scaled the ladder. Poison pushed open the trap door slowly the sand colored tarp groaning as he lifted it. He cocked his head to the side listening for any signs of movement directly above him. He heard nothing except the loud occasional explosion and the sound of tires eating up dirt, sand, and gravel.  Party Poison dragged the door to the side and shoved the tarp out of the way.

Sun light hit his eyes, bright, harsh, and unforgiving, but his hands grasped onto the rough grainy desert sand and he pulled himself to the surface. Poison suddenly felt _right_ again as he climbed to his knees and used his hand to shield the sun from his eyes.

"Fuck yes!" Poison laughed stretching his limbs like a cat and allowing the heat from the sun to soak into his skin. Adrenaline coursed through him like a drug, like heroin but better and natural. Wind whipped his hair around, heat from the sun beat down on him drawing sweat to the surface of his skin, sand scratched at his face but for the first time in a while he felt **_good_**. Poison couldn't correlate the feeling but the only other time he had ever felt like this was with Fun Ghoul. Poison's eyes tracked along the horizon of the desert and he drew in a deep breath. This was home, the desert was the only home had had ever known.

Then Poison's eyes locked on to the plume of dust spiraling above the sand dunes and remembered why he had come out here in the first place. The desert melted from his home to a battle ground in an instant. Poison shoved the trap door on correctly and slid the tarp over it so that the entrance to the bunker camouflaged seamlessly with the ground around it. Then Party Poison walked low to his car, keeping his head down and shoulders tucked until he was behind the safety of it. Poison lifted the edge of the tarp, reached through the hole in the broken window and fished out a pair of binoculars. 

 Poison held the binoculars up to his face narrowing his eyes behind the distorted glass to get a better look. Poison watched the dust cloud billow up over the dunes a few miles away getting larger as it grew nearer and beneath it grinding out the dust from beneath the wheels were four Better Living Industry vans. The black and white vans of the Better Living stood out like a sore thumb against the browns and tans of the desert. The smiling logo seemed to be mocking him from afar and Poison drew in a breath as another explosion rocked the desert. Someone, a Drac most likely, was shooting something out the window of one of the vans. A rocket launcher or some shit trying to draw them out if they were their. Lucky for them, Poison didn't mind playing this game.

As far as Poison figured there were at least four Dracs in each van making sixteen at the most and the new exterminator. The leader of S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W, a ghost, a draculoid with the mind of a 'crow, a horror story you'd tell the motor babies to make them behave and stick close to their crew. The name Korse had been circulating the desert long before sightings of the exterminator himself began spreading like wildfire through the desert.

Party Poison straightened back up throwing the binoculars back into the trans-am. The feeling was back. Itchy, sweaty, creeping under his skin like a bad high and he shook his head running a hand through the red tendrils of his hair. It felt like someone has spun a top inside of him and it was clanging around inside his hollow chest. The urge to get rid of it growing stronger with every determined breath.

"Stay out of it, Poison. Stay the fuck out of it." Poison murmured to himself. This situation, this scene, was to close to the past for comfort. It reminded him of the bad weeks after Bert's death. The weeks Party Poison spent dragging his crew into fight after fight thinking maybe if he could get enough Dracs, maybe if he could help enough people, maybe if enough exterminator's blood stained his hands he could atone for his sins. For letting the one damn kid he had promised to protect die.

Party Poison's eyes narrowed at the Better Living vehicles turning and twisting down the desert roads at a fast enough pace to leave skid marks behind. They were closing in on the bunker now and even if they didn't find them there was no way they would miss their cars if they got too close. Poison told himself this but even if he didn't want to admit it he knew it was a half truth.

He didn't **_have_** to start a firefight with the Dracs, he **_wanted_** too. Party Poison wished he didn't want to, hell he wished he'd leave his ray gun in his holster and go back down into the bunker with his friends. Maybe Poison would sit with Fun Ghoul and keep his nightmares at bay until he woke. A bitter laugh erupted from his lips, his hand resting on his ray gun.  People don't change they just walk in circles.

"Come on!" Poison yelled nearly snarling. He banged the hood of the trans-am twice and tore off the tarp, tossing it aside. The trans-am stood out against the sands, loud, and bright, and fucking beautiful. "Show me what you got you motherfuckers!"

Party Poison shoved himself into the driver's seat and shoved the keys into the ignition, turning them and his car roared to life. Poison watched with a fucking grin on his face as the Better Living vans locked their sight on him, no one could miss the trans-am not even from a mile away. The first van skidded to a screeching halt nearly causing a four car pile up and Party Poison threw back his head and laughed like a mad man.  His hand reached for the radio spinning the volume dial to max, music blared from his speakers out the window filling the air with sound waves. His hands tightened on the wheel his knuckles white and he slammed his foot onto the gas pedal burning rubber. Poison had always liked to drive fast.

The engine roared in the trans-am as Poison pushed his car to go faster. The four Better Living vans now behind him were struggling to redirect into a chase. Party Poison wasn't worried about his crew back at the bunker the Better Living pigs hadn't seen where he'd come from. Besides Party Poison, the infamous leader of the fabulous killjoys, alone, no crew, no where near home, it was like he was handing himself to them on a silver platter. Except he wasn't, maybe he was a damn fool but Poison didn't fear death. He wasn't going to die today and even if he did he was taking at least half of them with him. Starting with that new exterminator.

The Better Living Vehicles were on his tail now, maybe three cars width of space between him and the first one. Party Poison narrowed his eyes at the rear view mirror adjusting it so he could get a better look. The white color of Better living ray guns flashed out of the windows of the closet Better Living van from the Draculoid's trying to get a good shot at him.

Party Poison used his elbow to smash out the rest of the glass in his window and with one hand on the wheel stuck his body halfway out of the window. Reckless and dangerous but it wasn't like there was anything or anyone for him to wreck into anyways. His bright yellow and pink ray gun felt light as a feather in his hand as he took his aim and shot at two of the Drac's flailing out the window. Only one of his blasts hit it's target and he barely had time to witness the Drac drop his ray gun and yank his injured arm back into the van before Poison was wrenching himself back into the safety of his car. A stray ray blast coming to close to his face for comfort, the tip of his ear singed and stung.

"Fuck me." Poison breathed barely touching his ear. His fingertips came away bloody. Party Poison swung back around his shoulder to see who had shot at him, certain with that kind of accuracy it hadn't been a Drac.

Finally Party Poison locked eyes on to the new exterminator or rather locked eyes with him. The Better Living van was close enough now that Poison could see who the driver was. He was bald, his skin a pale white, standing out against his dark colored clothing, his eyes dark, beady, and dead, his zapper hanging out the window aimed at nothing for the moment but it was still smoking. Poison felt his shoulder's lock up for just a second under his dead gaze and he felt the name Korse roll of his tongue. Something angry filled him at the sight of this exterminator, the one who had taken so many lives from his desert kin, this _Korse_ , and suddenly Poison wanted to see his blood run red against the sands more than he had ever wanted to kill anyone.

A zap blast hit the back window of the trans-am and glass shattered across the seats. Poison put his arm up to block reflectively and a few shards of small glass scratched at the back of his hand and neck. _Why are people always shooting at his fucking car!?_

The music has stopped blaring out of the speakers replaced by a mind melting amount of static. Party Poison punched at the volume dial angrily and the sound shut off. The sand was silent except for the occasional blast from a ray gun as they tried to get a better shot at him but Poison's brain was reeling.

Party Poison eyes flickered angrily back and forth from the Better Living vans behind him to the open desert road in front of him like the flame of a candle. Poison gripped the wheel in a death vice, knuckles white, his lips tilting upwards in imitation of a smirk, he pulled the wheel of the trans-am with the entire force of his body throwing himself into the door.  The trans-am groaned, rubber burned, dirt and sand flew up into the air and the tires screamed under the pressure of turning so quickly. The trans-am came to a shuddering stop successfully blocking the road with all four tires back on the ground.

Poison laughed grabbing the handle of the door and shoving it open crawling fast across the passenger seat and rolling out onto the sand. He came back up kneeling behind the front of his car with his blaster raised. He fired on the first van as it approached pulling to a stop just as his first blast shattered the front window killing the Drac in the passenger seat. One down. fifteen more to go.

The other three Better Living vans screeched to a stop on all sides of the road. Dracs flood out in to the desert the van doors slamming behind them. Party Poison ducks down behind the trans-am as the first wave of blasts shoot over his head and Poison hears another one of the windows shatter. He grinds his teeth staying down and trying to recharge his ray gun. The sound of blasts being fired from ray guns stopped suddenly and the quite made the hairs on the back of Party Poison's neck stand on end.

"Why is Party Poison, the infamous leader of the fabulous killjoys, rugrat, scum, cowardly thug, and pain in the ass to all by himself alone in the desert!?" A voice called mockingly and Poison felt his blood run cold. He _knew_ that voice.

It hit him like a ton of bricks and hate warmed his blood like fire met gasoline. The voice belonged to Exterminator Wilson head of the Extermination division. Poison and his crew had run into him many many times barely escaping with their lives. This exterminator was the one who masked Bert. _But fucking how?_ Exterminator's never ran together, they worked better alone. Their selfish thirst for blood usually got in the way of partnerships so they were assigned to missions separately. 

Party Poison had made a big fucking mistake.

But part of him was thrilled at the challenge and at the impossibility of it all. Out here away from endangering the lives of his crew, fourteen dracs, the head of the exterminator division, the head of S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W division, it was like taking triple shots of pure adrenaline.

"I'm taking a fucking vacation, some alone time shit like that. Didn't expect you to come along and shoot at my fucking car." Poison growled loud enough that they could hear him. "Now I'm going to have to kill you."

Exterminator Wilson laughed cold, bitter, and wrong. Party Poison took the opportunity to peek around the top of his car and get a look at what he was dealing with. Exterminator Wilson wore all black except for the Better Living smiley face symbol stamped across his shirt, his skin pale as paper but old and worn like he was cracking, his teeth bared into sharpened points, and black sunglasses sat on top of his crooked nose.

"Where's your crew, Poison?" Exterminator Wilson called and Poison's eyes tracked to his hand on his holster. "Is it scary? To finally be so alone?"

"Go to hell." Party Poison snarled leaning over the car and firing his zap at him. Exterminator Wilson yanked a drac in front of him lightning fast and then grinned as the drac crumpled to the desert floor blood blossoming on the mark Poison's blast had hit.

"I've been there. It was quite fun actually." Exterminator Wilson grinned his sharp teeth very shark-like. "Have I introduced you to my friend yet, Party Poison? His name is Exterminator Korse and he's just been _dying_ to meet you."

"Is it really necessary to play with our food, Wilson?" Korse asks sounding bored, he licks his lips. "I'm really looking forward to killing him so if we could get on with it..."

A draculoid gets too eager and tries coming around the trans-am to grab Poison. Poison wraps his arms around the drac's legs knocking it to the ground and it's ray gun goes flying. Party Poison climbs onto it's chest, the drac goes wild beneath him punching Poison in the mouth. Poison spits blood and grins red pulling the trigger on his zapper so the drac goes still. Party Poison rolls of the drac as blasts rain down around him and he dodges back into the safety behind the car.

"Enough!" Exterminator Wilson roars. "Where is agent Cherri Cola and where is the Girl!?"

Poison feel's confusion flood him as he wipes blood from his chin.

"Agent Cherri Cola is missing and suspected dead!" Party Poison pants catching his breath. "I have no idea who the fuck 'the girl' is."

"Liar, liar, pants on fire." Exterminator Wilson hissed and blasts rained down on Poison again. Poison dodges a blast and curls lower behind the trans-am. "Tell us where they are and we'll let you go!"

"Bullshit!" Party Poison snapped firing two quick blasts one at Wilson and the other at Korse. Both blasts missed their marks disappearing into the desert behind them.

Something in the distance caught Poison's eye and he narrowed his eyes trying to get a better look at it. A small colorful dot a mile and a half or so away, barreling it's way down the road towards them. As the dot grew closer and Poison's eyes strained he realized what it was and his stomach dropped. It was Fun Ghoul on one of the Panic! crew member's bikes barreling down the desert road towards _Party Poison_ , towards the _dracs_ , towards **_danger_**.

And it was Poison's fucking fault.

A zap blast finally made contact with Party Poison and he groaned feeling his left shoulder seer with pain as he was knocked back a little from the force of it. He smelt burnt flesh and cursed pulling down his shirt to get a look at it. Blood sludged slowly out of the wound and Poison forced himself back up against the trans-am. He had to keep them distracted or Ghoul was going to be killed. The bike he was on wasn't going to protect him if he was under fire from their blasters.

"Why do you need them so badly?" Poison taunted, his right hand clasped over his left shoulder to slow the bleeding. "Did someone fuck up back at home and Better Living send you to do their dirty work?"

"You're one to talk." Korse sneered his back to Fun Ghoul on the bike. Closer now half a mile. "From what I here you're no better than the desert's attack dog."

"I'm no one's attack dog." Party Poison snapped letting go of his shoulder and grabbing his blaster again. He wasn't going to bleed to death and he'd had worse. "At least I don't hid behind a wall of drac's you fucking coward."

"Korse." Exterminator Wilson warned but Korse stepped out from behind the Better Living van and into the open. He aimed his white ray gun at Poison and smirked like he was daring him to do the same.

Party Poison never said he was honorable, especially when the life of one of his crew was on the line. Because that was what Fun Ghoul was now a part of his crew, one of his own. Fun Ghoul was growing closer and he could hear the low rumble of the motorbike now but Poison didn't dare look afraid if he did it would draw the attention of the exterminators.

Instead Party Poison stood, raised his zapper in the blink of an eye and took the shot, hoping to take Korse out before there was too much at risk. Korse tried to dodge but wasn't quick enough the blast hit him in his right shoulder soot and dark blood spread out across his uniform. A shot like that would've taken any desert born to the ground, Poison was still clenching his teeth against the pain from his wound but Korse didn't even blink. Instead the shocked look on his face turned to a grin and he threw back his head and cackled gleefully.

"You are a definitely something, Party Poison!" Korse said slyly raising his blaster and aiming it directly at Poison's head. Party Poison didn't bother ducking back down behind the car, he stood defiantly, glaring at Korse, but in reality his eyes were on Ghoul.  "I am going to enjoy killing you."

"I'll see you in hell." Poison smirked and Korse cocked the blaster his finger hovering over the trigger.

Fifteen feet away, then ten, and then seven. The roar of Fun Ghoul's bike grew louder and he wasn't stopping instead it looked like he was speeding up, the length of his body pressed flat against the bike. Korse's face twisted with confusion and just as he wheel around to see where the noise was coming from he was knocked off his feet by the force of a blast. Fun Ghoul's bright green ray gun glinted in the sun with smoke emanating from tip, a green blur as he shoved it back into the holster, his beautiful hazel eyes locked with Poison's as his bike sped past the dracs and Exterminator Wilson. Blasts fired over Ghoul's head and then just as the bike neared the trans-am Fun Ghoul jumped from the bike tackling Party Poison.

Party Poison hit the ground, hard, the sand unforgiving at his back, with Fun Ghoul on top of him. Despite the pain in his shoulder and his blood against the sand Poison has never been happier to break someone's fall. Relief, anger, fear, relief again, his emotions swirl around his chest like a hurricane and Poison's must've hit his head because he can't focus on anything except Ghoul's hot breath at his ear or Ghoul's leg nudged between one of his own. Party Poison frowns and brushes his hand against Fun Ghoul's sweaty hair.

"You fucking asshole." Fun Ghoul breathes angrily and then he's pushing himself off Poison and yanking his blaster back out of his pocket and taking fire on the dracs closing in on them.  Party Poison shakes his head and forces himself back into motion aiming his ray gun at a drac trying to round the trans-am. He nails it with a blast in the center of it's masked forehead.

"What are you doing here!?" Poison hissed in Ghoul's direction and it comes out rougher than it's meant to. Party Poison dodges a blast and grabs a drac by it's mask hauling it into another drac so they both go tumbling.

"Save it, Poison." Fun Ghoul snaps sending Poison an irritated look. He's distracted enough that a drac gets in a punch and Ghoul falls into the side of the trans-am, his nose bleeding. Party Poison kills the drac who did it without even thinking about it. The dracs retreat back towards the Better Living vans, Exterminator Wilson ordering for help and dragging Korse bloody, infuriated but still alive towards the van. Party Poison kneels next to Ghoul behind the safety of the trans-am, his hand goes up to touch Fun Ghoul's face but then he hesitates and withdraws his hand. Fun Ghoul wipes blood from his nose glaring at Poison. "Don't you know what you've done? They're coming up here to help. We were supposed to stay hidden. We would've been safe, _**you** _ would've been safe! What the fuck is wrong with you!?"

Party Poison pulls backward like he's been slapped. "What?"

"Your crew, Poison!" Fun Ghoul shouts, his eyebrows drawn up angrily and his hazel eyes slightly wet. "You're going to get them killed! You're going to get yourself killed! Are you that fucking selfish? We need to get the fuck out of here before things get worse. That's why I'm here, Poison. I'm supposed to get you out of here, _alive_."

Another window of the trans-am shattered and Poison nailed another draculoid before ducking back down. He felt himself shutting off and his hands shook on his blaster.

"I'm saving people, Ghoulie." Party Poison's voice sounded desperate even to his own ears. "I'm getting the dracs before they get anyone else. Those exterminator's are the head of S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W and the Exterminator division if I get them both it'll be a crippling blow to Better Living Industries. Then we can kick 'em while they're down."

Fun Ghoul shook his head slowly his eyes going to the blood staining Poison's shirt. "You can't help anyone if your dead, Poison. I know that's why you do it. The danger, recklessness, adrenaline rush, it's your way of coping. You were doing better, Poison, you had your head straight. You _don't_ need to do this."

Party Poison felt like a guillotine had swung down on his heart.

"Get out of here, Ghoul." Poison said darkly. "Get back on the bike and go tell the others not to come. Tell them I'm dead, whatever you can tell them that will stop them from coming. I'll cover you."

"I'm not going to leave you here." Ghoul growled reloading his zap. He aimed over Poison's head killing a draculoid who had crept closer while they were distracted. "If I leave you here you really do die. Think about what that would do to them! You're their leader for fucks sake. The desert looks to you, Poison! You aren't to blame for the lives that are lost fighting for the cause. But if one of our friends die because of your death wish it's on you." 

Party Poison lost it firing two shots over the hood of the trans-am killing a drac and shattering the window next to Exterminator Wilson. Wilson fired his zap at Poison who got of of the way just in time. It hadn't of been a fatal shot.

"Don't kill him! We need information and he has it! Apprehend him or die trying!" The Exterminator screeched as the dracs fired a wave of blasts at the trans-am. 

Poison grabbed the front of Fun Ghoul's shirt roughly, dragging him forward until their lips were inches apart and they shared the same breath. 

"It's always on me, Ghoulie." Poison spat out Ghoul's name like it was a curse and not a nickname he had fondly given him. "Every single death, every pain, every tear that they cry is on me. That weight and guilt is transferred to my soul. Why do you think I'm even here!? Don't you think it all becomes a little much for me to carry sometimes!? I didn't ask to be their leader and I didn't ask for them to die for me."

"You didn't have to ask you stupid martyr, you fucking hero." Ghoul breathed but he didn't sound angry anymore He sounded just as broken as Poison felt. "They love you enough to want to follow you. Why do _you_ think _I'm_ here? Are we friends or not? I care about you, Party Poison. I know you don't feel the same but for some reason it's fucking there and I'm not going to let you get yourself killed. So fuck you and fuck me for caring."

Party Poison let go of the front of Ghoul's shirt because suddenly it felt like they were too close. If Poison wanted too he could lean in and kiss him, close the space between their lips. But he didn't want too. He really didn't.

"Ghoul, I-" Party Poison started and then **_boom_**. An explosion rocked the desert and shrapnel flew over the trans-am in black and white pieces of debris that Poison realized was from a Better Living van.

Several things happened at once. Party Poison jumped out from behind the safety of the trans-am to spot Message man grinning like a mad man standing several feet away from the debris and chaos. Blurry face stood at his side, a black ski mask hiding his face from view, and a detonator in his hand.

"Fuck yes!" Killer King shouted appearing with his crew, Jet Star, and Kobra kid behind Message Man and Blurry face. "That was awesome!"

Only two Better Living vans had survived the explosion and Exterminator Korse unfortunately had been in one of those. The remaining dracs, about eleven or twelve began climbing back on their feet. Bloody, their clothes and masks ripped and disoriented. Exterminator Wilson spat blood onto the sand and then grinned sharp teeth gruesome and bloody.

"Kill them all. Leave Party Poison to me." He ordered and then chaos and firefight erupted again. Party Poison slid over the hood of the trans-am going straight for the nearest drac. He elbowed the drac in the face and knocked the blaster from it's hand. Party Poison ducked out of reach as the drac swung punches wildly a second later red blossomed across the front of it's uniform and it collapsed.  Kobra kid locked eyes with Poison and he could literally almost feel the anger and disappointment rolling off his brother.

"We'll talk about it later. Don't get killed. " Kobra kid ground out and Poison felt a grin pull at his lips. His brother didn't hate him. Then Kobra Kid was turning away from him and firing his ray gun at a drac that had Green Gentlemen around the throat.

Party Poison took a second, just a second to look around the chaos for his friends. Jet Star and New Moon were battling side by side against two dracs their ray guns lying forgotten several feet away. Northern Downpour and Killer King fought back to back blasters firing at any drac who got to close for comfort. Blurry face stood on one of the Better Living vans, not the one Korse was in, and fired down into the crowd picking off any dracs that Message Man wasn't getting with his sword.

Party Poison realized with a start that Fun Ghoul was missing and he whirled on his heel looking for him. Panic, fury, fear, emotions that were a deadly distraction banged around inside him as he looked around. He opened his mouth to call out for Ghoul and then-

Fire erupted in Poison's side and he fell hard against the rough desert ground. _Fuck._ Poison sucked in a breath his eyes clenching against the pain, vision blurring anyway, pain in his shoulder and side tore away at him. Everything seemed to fade away to black and Poison fought for consciousness. _He couldn't black out. T_ hen he heard something through the pain clouding his mind, Fun Ghoul yelling. Party Poison was slammed back in to reality, the sounds of the firefight, going on around them filling his ears once more. 

"Get the hell off me!" Ghoul yelled loud enough Party Poison could hear. "Poison, get out of the way! Look out!"

Party Poison groaned, rolling to the left on instinct. A blast mark scorched the ground where Poison had been less than a second before. Party Poison pulled himself across the sand behind the safety of the trans-am. His blood left a trail behind him, the desert soaking it up like a sponge. Blood soaked through his shirt too, red as his hair, red as the blast wound on his shoulder, and now his side. Poison pressed his hand on the wound trying to stop the blood and gritted his teeth forcing himself back onto his knees.

Exterminator Wilson had Fun Ghoul by the collar of his shirt, Ghoul was bleeding from his nose and mouth but he struggled to get free. Ghoul's bright green ray gun lay useless several feet away and Poison was suddenly sure that the bastard had broke Fun Ghoul's arm because of the way it hung limply at his side. Exterminator Wilson's ray gun was still smoking aimed at the trans-am, at Poison, and he was grinning the same sick smile he'd had on his face when he'd masked Bert. 

"Why the shyness Party Poison!?" Wilson called mockingly, a crazy smile on his face. "How about you come out and play?"

Party Poison spat blood onto the ground but didn't leave the safety of of the trans-am. He stumbled for his blaster, grabbing it off the ground and aiming it at Exterminator Wilson. He didn't take the shot, he couldn't. Wilson was using Ghoul as his shield, holding Fun Ghoul in front of him so Poison had no choice but to lower his zap.

"Come one out, Poison! Stop hiding like a coward and come out so I can kill you." Wilson sing songed, keeping his death grip on Fun Ghoul who spat in Wilson's face. Wilson backhands Ghoul and everything in Party Poison wants to run forward and kill Wilson for touching him.

But Party Poison doesn't fucking move an inch, his heart thumping loudly in his chest, hoping the others will look up and see. Take out Wilson before this escalates but Poison can still hear them fighting dracs.

"Alright, boy. If you want to be like that..." Wilson trailed off, he aimed his ray gun towards him and Party Poison crouches down further, tensing for another blast to shatter a window on the trans-am. A blast never comes.

Poison feels his throat close up, heart sink, and chokes out a quite 'no' when Exterminator Wilson grins evilly and slowly, tauntingly, drags the barrel of his ray gun and pressed the tip of it against Ghoul's head. Party Poison couldn't breath and his vision faded in and out. He saw Fun Ghoul and then Bert and then one by one every person he had ever failed to save.

"If you don't want a taste of my blaster maybe your little friend here will." Wilson pushes the ray gun harder against Ghoul's temple and he stops struggling. The fight drained from him but his hazel eyes glowed with a defiance in them that made Poison's heart hurt. _His fucking heart._ Party Poison thought he didn't have one. Just an empty chest with a black hole inside of it but suddenly it was there, and suddenly it was aching.

"Go to hell." Fun Ghoul croaked and Exterminator Wilson's smile grew wider.

Exterminator Wilson cocked the ray gun his finger a bare inch from the trigger. He started counting down. "Five...Four...Do you really want your pathetic boyfriend to die, Poison? Three...Two...

“Let him go!” Party Poison growled through gritted teeth as he stepped clear into the open, tossing his zap away from him and raising his hands in surrender. “I'm here. Just let him the fuck go, asshole. Don't hurt him, alright. _I'm right here_."

_Don't shoot him, shoot me._

It echoed in Poison's head like a mantra even though he likely wouldn't survive another ray gun wound. Fun Ghoul locked eyes with Poison and his eyes were screaming words he didn't know if he would ever get to hear.

Exterminator Wilson grinned with triumph, his eyes like a cat, tongue like a snake, teeth like a shark, he was truly a monster. Wilson shoved Fun Ghoul away from him and Party Poison launched forward tackling Wilson, knocking his blaster from his hand.

They hit the sand in a blur of limbs all punching, scratching, kicking and fighting to come out on top. Party Poison had the upper hand for a moment having landed on top of Exterminator Wilson's torso and he took that opportunity to get his hands around his throat. Wilson laughed manically, his hands trying to force Poison off, hands pushing at his shoulders and then sending a solid hard punch to Poison's gut that had him doubling over. Exterminator Wilson grabbed Poison's injured shoulder and Poison bit out a groan. Wilson grabbed Party Poison's throat, rolling them over until Wilson's crushing weight pressed down on his stomach, his side, and his chest. Wilson squeezed Poison's throat and Poison struggled under him trying to get free and _breathe_. He couldn't breathe, fireworks exploded behind his eyes,

"Your pathetic." Wilson spat, blood and spit rained down of Poison's face. "I'm going to kill you now. Then I'm going to kill that kid you care so much about. It's almost like Bert all over again isn't it? Except this time the boy is older and you have a little crush on him, don't you? "

Poison kept struggling, trying to pry Wilson's grip from off of his throat but he was distracted, his eyes scanning his peripheral vision for Fun Ghoul. Fun Ghoul was trapped under a draculoid several feet away, the draculoid punching Ghoul over and over.

"I'm going to choke the life out of you and when you're gone I'm going to to remove each and every organ from your boy's body until he's begging me to kill him." Exterminator Wilson growled. "Or maybe I should let him live. Maybe I'll keep him alive so I can turn him into a drac, wipe his memories and personality clean, erase him from-"

Party Poison lost it.

Poison had never quite lost himself as bad as he did in that moment.

He wouldn't remember doing it but he punched and scratched, and poked his fingers into Wilson's eyes until he let go of Poison's throat. Then Poison was rolling himself on top of him and punching him over and over.

When Party Poison came back to himself he was bloody. Covered in so much of it he didn't know what was his or Wilson's. His ears were ringing so loud Party Poison didn't even notice the sounds of the firefight had stopped. Killer King and Green Gentlemen held down his arms and New Moon and Jet Star pinned his legs to the ground as he struggled.

"Let me go!" Poison was screaming, his voice loud, scratchy, and raw terrified him because it didn't sound like his own. "Get the fuck off me!!"

"We need him alive, Gerard!" Someone was yelling over and over and Party Poison's thoughts finally focused enough that he recognized the voice. "He has information that we need! Gerard, stop fighting us!"

It was Mikey's voice, it was his little brothers voice. His mind was hazy with a fury he'd never felt before but Poison stopped struggling, the fight draining out of him in an instant.

"I'm calm, alright." Party Poison panted, his lungs hurting with every breath. "Guys, _I'm good_."

Finally the weight of his friends holding him down let up Kobra kid and Jet star helped him sit up. Poison looked at his hands, they were shaking, covered in blood and dirt, his busted knuckles making some of it his own. His side and shoulder ached like a bitch, his throat sore and raw like Wilson's hands were still wrapped around it, and he tasted cooper in his mouth. There was blood on his face and clothes, some of it beginning to dry on and turn tacky.

"Where's Ghoul?" Party Poison croaked, nudging the others off and trying to look around for the other killjoy. His eyes instead found Wilson barely recognizable, lying several feet away, gurgling in his own blood. He was _laughing_. Killer King stood over him ray gun drawn but he wasn't going to get any answers from Exterminator Wilson. Poison knew that before Wilson drew his last breath and Killer King sighed shooting him with his zap for good measure. Party Poison noticed the Better Living van was gone and realized Korse and a couple dracs must've escaped and fled. It made him feel numb knowing that threat was still out there.

"Northern Downpour's helping him get to the trans-am." Jet Star said quietly. "You really did a number on the car but Ghoul's alright. A little banged up but alright."

"Jesus," Kobra kid swore trying to help Poison shed his leather jacket. "You're covered in so much fucking blood. How much of it is yours?"

"I got blasted." Party Poison used his sleeve to wipe the blood from his face. He felt like a monster but he didn't want to look like one. "Twice, once in my shoulder and once in my side."

Jet Star's face darkened but he helped Kobra kid get the jacket off of Poison. He examined Poison's shoulder and moved to examine his side but Poison hissed and moved away. Kobra Kid and Jet Star exchanged looks.

"We can get back to the bunker." Blurry face said pulling off his black ski mask. "We'll have some bandages and shit to patch you up with back there."

"No." Poison said darkly and he could barely look any of them in the eyes. "We can't go back to the bunker. Agent Cheri cola is still alive and he's with some girl that Better Living wants to get their hands on. We've got to keep moving and get to them before Better Living does."

Killer King stared down at Party Poison and then nodded slowly looking over to Message Man and Blurry face. "Poison's right. Thank you for everything. If you ever need a favor you know who to call, alright?"

"And if you ever need someone to blow shit up for you, you know who to call." Message Man grinned and punched Killer King's shoulder. Blurry face and Message Man said their goodbyes to the crew and Party Poison watched them walk away into the desert.

"We're going to get you in the car and then we'll find some place to rest for the night where we can fix you up." Kobra Kid reassured but Poison didn't let him help him to his feet just yet. Instead he drew in a deep breath and pressed his hands over his eyes.

"Wait." Party Poison said and he could feel all their eyes on him. His throat wanted to lock up but Poison forced on. "I'm sorry. I'm really fucking truly sorry. I didn't want-I didn't mean- It won't happen again. **_I'm sorry_**."

The words felt foreign on his tongue, the two little words he had never dared let slip in case they might be mistaken for a surrender. When Poison forced himself to glance up to gauge their reactions he was met with shock (Kobra kid), a small smile (Jet Star), relief (New Moon), forgiveness (Green Gentlemen). Killer King was grinning at him though and Poison grinned back, small, broken, and probably a bit bloody.

Party Poison doesn't remember very much after that except for Kobra Kid, Jet star, and Killer King helping him over to the trans-am. He didn't even complain when he was ushered into the back seat next to Fun Ghoul. When Poison saw Ghoul bloody, bruised, but still beautifully alive he reached out and touched Ghoul's face softly for less than a second and then he settled back against the seat.

"What the hell's wrong with him?" He heard Ghoul mumble, his cheeks flushing pink, under the scrapes and bruises.

"He's in shock." Someone, Jet star maybe replied. " Make him drink some of that water."

Poison felt the trans-am roar to life with Kobra kid in the passenger seat and Jet star in the drivers seat. Party Poison drifted in a numb, comfortable, cloud, like he was a few miles above everyone else. He felt his knee pressed up against Ghoul's knee, his shoulder against Ghoul's. They were probably closer than they should've been with so much room in the backseat but Poison couldn't bring himself to care because Fun Ghoul wasn't pulling away.

"You saved my life, Poison." Fun Ghoul said quite enough only he could hear. Poison felt his heart swell, _his heart_ , and he turned looking into Ghoul's eyes. They were a little wet but Poison didn't say anything about it and instead leaned back against the seat and closed his eyes.

"I always will." Poison murmured and then in the comfort of his crew, his friends, and his trans-am, he slipped into unconsciousness.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's another chapter for everyone! Hooray! I worked really hard on this chapter so I hope you all like it! This chapter was all about Party Poison finally sorting out most of his feelings and facing them head on. Things are going to start looking up for him pretty soon. Anyways thanks for reading and leave a comment if you have one or kudos if you liked it because that would be amazing!


	17. When Nightmares No Longer Wait For sleep.

Fun Ghoul didn't really know how to react when Party Poison drifted off. He'd never seen someone get like this before. His hazel eyes were still open but they were glazed over, dull, and he wasn't looking anywhere in particular. Poison was covered in blood, his own, that exterminator's.

Fun Ghoul could still feel the ghost of the Exterminator's ray gun against his temple, his hands around Ghoul's collar. He shuddered thinking back to how he had nearly been sacrificed in an attempt to bring Poison out. The worst part about that wasn't that he'd nearly been killed it was that it had  _worked._  Someone had used Fun Ghoul to get to Poison when the whole damn reason he was out there was so he could be saving Poison. Not _**endangering**_ him. 

Fun Ghoul shook his head trying to clear the unwanted thoughts from his mind. "You okay, Poison?"

Party Poison made a noise in his throat and shrugged non commitedly. Fun Ghoul grabbed a water bottle from floor of the trans-am and unscrewed the lid, sliding it into Poison's hand. Poison's hand tightened around it and his eyes darted to it confusion pulling at his features.

"Drink it." Fun Ghoul commanded and something like recognition sparked in Poison's eyes. Party Poison did what he was told, no arguing, no stubbornness, no sass, nothing. He lifted the bottle to his lips and took a swig handing it back to Ghoul when he was finished. Fun Ghoul glanced warily at Kobra Kid who was watching Ghoul watch Poison. Ghoul felt heat rush to his cheeks. "How much farther? He isn't looking so good."

"I don't know." Kobra grimaced. "We've got to get far enough away that we won't be ambushed in the night. At least a few more miles."

"Look at him!" Fun Ghoul's voice shot up a few octaves. "He's in shock, he's bleeding everywhere, he can't take much more of this!"

"I am looking at him! He's my fucking brother, Ghoul!" Kobra Kid's voice echoed loudly into the silent car. Jet Star glanced at him his brow furrowing and looking upset. Fun Ghoul drew in a breath, feeling guilty almost immediately. Kobra kid closed his eyes looking for a moment like he was struggling with something. "We're doing the best we can, Ghoul."

Fun Ghoul knew that, he really did but panic had always made him into a bit of an asshole. Ghoul opened his mouth to say so but Poison broke into a small coughing fit drawing everyone's eyes to him.

"I'm fine." Party Poison mumbled under his breath. But he wasn't and everyone was freaked the fuck out about it, Fun Ghoul could see it in their eyes. Poison's breathing was shallow, he was pale, sweating and every jolt of the trans-am caused a low pained noise to leave his lips. He wasn't fucking fine.

"Liar." Ghoul muttered and the corner of Poison's lips tilted up into a crooked smile. Fun Ghoul fought back the urge to reach over and brush Party Poison's sweaty red hair out of his eyes. His god damn gorgeous hazel eyes that made a strange feeling bubble up inside of Ghoul every time they were locked on him. Fun Ghoul thought back to the firefight. He thought about everything he had confessed to Poison during the heat of the moment and felt sick.

 _"I care about you, Party Poison. I know you don't feel the same but for some reason it's fucking there and I'm not going to let you get yourself killed. So fuck you and fuck me for caring."_ Fun Ghoul pressed his hands into his eyes feeling a bit of bile rise up in his throat. He hadn't really know it was true until he'd said it. Fun Ghoul thought he hated Party Poison, hated him enough to want to punch him in his perfect teeth every time he opened his mouth. Then once Ghoul got past all the hard edges, bitterness, and Poison's infuriatingly cocky personality he realized he and Poison weren't so different. Except they were. Poison was a hero, a god damn martyr, and Fun Ghoul was just a fucking city boy who'd accidentally gotten a taste of freedom and craved another hit so bad he'd made his way into the desert. Fun Ghoul cared about Party Poison. He'd been snared in the bastard's trap just like everyone else in the desert and he'd told Poison just as much. But Fun Ghoul didn't get his hopes up, he knew Party Poison was too busy caring about the entire desert to want anything to do with Fun Ghoul. Tolerance didn't extend to friendship.

Except maybe, just maybe it did. After all it was Party Poison who told Fun Ghoul to stay all those weeks ago. It was Party Poison who had sworn Ghoul was innocent and had literally tied their fates together in doing so. It was Party Poison who had nearly sacrificed himself for Ghoul only an hour or so back. 

Fun Ghoul was drawn from his thoughts by the last one, his eyes going back to the blood seeping sluggishly onto Poison's clothing.

"Do you have any bandages?" Ghoul asked weakly and Kobra set about digging under his seat until he emerged victorious clutching a small bag in his hand. He handed Fun Ghoul bandages, a questionable looking rag, and a clear bottle with liquid sloshing around inside. If Fun Ghoul had to guess it was probably alcohol of some sorts.

"It's not top notch medical supplies but it'll do until Killer King can get us some medicine for him." Kobra Kid said hesitantly and Ghoul nodded. An apology passed between them easily in the silence. They were okay and Ghoul felt relieved. He would hate to loose the first friend he'd made in the desert.

"You going to play doctor on me, Ghoulie?" Party Poison drawled, his voice pained but his lips curving up sarcastically. He didn't move from where he was slumped against the seat but grabbed the bottle of alcohol from Ghoul's grip and took a swig before he could stop him. "Have you ever even seen a blast wound before? It's pretty fucking bad. At least you won't be able fuck me up any worse than I already am, right?"

"Understatement of the year." Jet Star chuckled quietly. Fun Ghoul wished he could find the humor in the situation but he couldn't. His hands were shaking again and Ghoul's eyes kept flickering around nervously. First to the blooming red on Poison's dirty and torn clothing, then to Kobra and Jet, then to the Panic! crew on their bikes following behind the trans-am in a cloud of dirt and dust and then back to Poison.

"Fun Ghoul?" Party Poison's voice drifted past the wave of sickness Ghoul was battling. It was enough that he managed to lock eyes with Poison, his hazel eyes usually glowing with fire were dull and bare embers. Concern glistened in them. "I was joking, Ghoul. It's okay. I trust you."

 _I trust you_. Fun Ghoul felt like he was a fucking balloon, his heart swelled with something indescribable. His hands seemed to steady just a little.

"It took getting shot twice and a near death experience for you to finally soften up a bit, huh?" Fun Ghoul said and Poison's grin was worth it. "Give me the bottle back, you fucker."

Party Poison relinquished the bottle to Ghoul and Ghoul set it aside then helped Poison shrug off his leather jacket. When Poison slumped back against the seat he was panting and exhausted. 

"Can I?" Fun Ghoul gestured toward the ruined remains of Party Poison's colorful keeping smiling shirt with the handle of his knife. Poison made a noise that Ghoul took as a yes so he flipped out the blade and began cutting the shirt away from his skin. 

The shirt clung to his skin in the sweat, dirt, and blood. It was precarious work, the unsteady bump of the trans-am and his own shaking hands causing the danger. But to Poison's credit he kept as still as possible and let Ghoul cut his shirt down the middle and then pull the fabric off him. 

"That was the easy part, Ghoul." Party Poison said laughing bitterly. 

"That wasn't so easy." Fun Ghoul stated stashing his knife back in his boot. 

"Exactly." Poison said his voice pained. 

"I- I'm not actually sure what to do next?" Fun Ghoul stuttered glancing into the rear view mirror to find Jet Star's eyes on him. 

"Find the blast wounds, first. Then try your best to disinfect them." Jet Star said and Poison's jaw clenched. "They might need to be stitches up but Northern Downpour can probably do that best."

Fun Ghoul didn't question it. He thought of Northern Downpour's dark hair, haunted eyes, and hidden emotion. It fit that he knew how to stitch up a wound, Ghoul didn't want to think about how many times he'd probably already had to in his life time. 

Fun Ghoul turned nervously back to Party Poison who kept his eyes fixed firmly on the back of Jet's seat. 

"Where-" Ghoul started to ask but Poison cut him off his expression dark. 

"My shoulder and my side. I was just grazed on my side though, seriously I'm fine for another hour or so. You don't have to do this, Ghoul." Party Poison murmured low enough the others couldn't hear. 

"You saved my fucking life, Poison. You didn't have to do shit. You could've just let that Exterminator have me." Ghoul said angrily and he wasn't sure who he was angry at. Himself, Poison, the Exterminator, or the whole wide world at this point. "Just let me help you."

Ghoul was begging, pleading, his hand had some how found it's way around Poison's wrist. Party Poison looked conflicted and Ghoul realized this was the most unguarded Fun Ghoul had ever seen him. Ghoul got the feeling that everything that had happened during the firefight meant a whole lot more than just getting revenge for Bert's death.

"Alright. Fuck, alright." Party Poison breathed his eyes flickering to the front seats and then to Ghoul. Fun Ghoul grabbed the rag from the stash and stared at it for a moment. It was discolored and dirty but it was all the had so he poured some water into it and then wrung it out. The water that leaked from it wasn't yellow or anything so Ghoul took that as a good sign and poured some of the alcohol onto it. Then he leaned in to get a better look at what he was dealing with and felt sick all over again.

He felt sick and furious. Party Poison's bottom lip is split, a small cut, that isn't nearly the worst of his worries but Fun Ghoul can't stop staring at it. Then he drag's his eyes away to trace over the rest of him. The dried blood under his nose, the shadows encircling his right eye, the scab forming on the tip of his left ear, and the small cuts and nicks across his jaw from where his face had been shoved into the hard desert ground. Then there are the bruises on Poison's neck which are definitely the worst. They curl around his neck in shades of violet, blues, and yellows the shape of the Exterminator's fingers are easily distinguishable. There are bruises and contusions trailing down Poison's chest and ribs but none of them are too bad or worrisome compared to the blast wounds that mark the skin beside them. Poison was right about the one on his side it wasn't much more than a trail of blood on the side of his hip where the blast had skimmed him but his shoulder was much worse. His shoulder was a fucking mess. It was bleeding sluggishly, raw and dark red, bruised too around the edges like nothing Ghoul had ever seen. He'd seen people get shot before but he was never able to see the aftermath of it up close. He felt stomach acid rise up in his throat but he swallowed hard forcing it back down.

"I told you it was bad, Ghoulie." Poison rasped and Ghoul shook his head pouring a little more alcohol on the rag.

"It's not that bad." Fun Ghoul lied between his teeth. Poison snorted like he didn't believe him and then went quite again. Fun Ghoul closed the space between them on the seat until they were knee to knee, close enough that he could feel the heat emanating off of Party Poison. "This is probably going to hurt like a bitch."

"Just do it." Party Poison said darkly, his eyes sliding shut, and his body tensing. Fun Ghoul's hand shook as he pressed the rag against Poison's shoulder. Party Poison yanked away almost immediately hissing curse words under his breathe. "Fuck, _wait_."

Ghoul didn't move to try and clean Poison's shoulder again as he drew in several deep breaths.  "Sorry, I-"

"Don't apologize damn it. It's not your fault, Ghoul." Party Poison groaned and resigned himself back against the seat. He was shaking now, his breathing sounded shallow, and his skin glistened with sweat.

"We still have some pain killers left over from the time Kobra Kid got bitten by that snake. Maybe, you should take some Poison." Jet Star said sympathetically but there was hesitance in his tone. Ghoul glanced at Kobra and Kobra gestured towards his calf with the ghost of a grin on his face. Fun Ghoul wanted to ask if that was how Kobra kid had gotten his name but it was clear from his expression now wasn't the time.

"No." Party Poison ground out. He glared at all three of them in turn.

"Poison-" Kobra tried looking exasperated.

"I said _no_!" Party Poison growled despite being so weak he managed to look threatening. "I'm not taking any of those damned things. You know I hate them."

Kobra Kid threw up his hands and sighed slumping back into his seat. "Fine but it's going to be you're own fault when you're whimpering back there."

"I don't whimper." Poison grumbled looking too tired to fight any longer with his brother. He turned back to Fun Ghoul glaring up at him under his lashes and daring Ghoul to question his decision. Fun Ghoul didn't instead he just glared back, _because damn it Poison why can't you just make one thing easy on yourself for once_!? "I'm okay. I'm not fucking fragile. I can handle it."

"Alright, fine. Just try not to pull back from me this time and I'll do it as quickly as I can." Fun Ghoul sighs deeply. Party Poison nods, his jaw locked, face set, strands of red hair hanging in his face. He looks so exhausted. He looked so hopeless. Fun Ghoul just wants to grab him and shake him and tell him to take the fucking pain pills. But he recognized the look in Party Poison's eyes when he'd turned them down. It was the same look he got in his eyes when he talked about Bert and that wasn't something either of them were ready to hash out.  "Fuck, okay. Are you ready?"

Poison made a noise of agreement in his throat and he hunched forward even more. Hopeless. When the rag touch Poison's wound he stiffened, a small sound escaped between his lips pressed tightly into a line, and he moved automatically. Except this time Party Poison didn't move away from Fun Ghoul, away from the pain of the alcohol that was disinfecting the wound but he moved towards him. Poison leaned into Fun Ghoul, his face buried in the space between the crook of Ghoul's shoulder and neck. Ghoul instinctively moved so he could support him, one arm around Party Poison's middle and the other he finally remembered to use to clean Poison's wound. It felt like Party Poison was drawing energy from Fun Ghoul, that if he pressed against him instead of backing away that he would find the strength to remain quite. Fun Ghoul felt his face flush and he tried to focus on using quick, sure, strokes to clean and wipe away the blood and muck from Poison's blast wound.

"Fuck, ah fuck. Shit." Party Poison rasped and Ghoul felt Poison's breath warm and strange against his neck. His forehead resting on Fun Ghoul's shoulder. "Don't let them see me, Ghoulie. Not like this."

Poison said it so quietly Fun Ghoul wasn't sure he had heard correctly then he'd glanced towards the front seats, towards Party Poison's best friend and little brother, and it clicked.

"I won't. It's alright, Poison. I got you." Ghoul murmured grabbing the bandages and beginning to wrap Poison's shoulder. He'd seen someone do it before on television a long long time ago and he vaguely recalled how he thought it was supposed to be done. Party Poison was shaking hard and when Ghoul felt warm tears begin to trail down his neck and into his shirt, well Fun Ghoul didn't say anything. None of them did. Fun Ghoul moved on to Party Poison's side when he'd finished cleaning it quickly and then bandaging it too. The bandages were scratchy and worn for wear but they worked well enough to stop the bleeding.

When Fun Ghoul was finished he didn't really know what to do until Poison who's shaking had slowly stopped and he was breathing easier pulled away again by himself. His eyes were rimmed with pink but you could hardly tell he'd been crying unless you knew. Fun Ghoul was the only one who knew. It felt like some grave secret that Ghoul was sworn to protect and in a way he was. So when Poison forced a smile and cracked a joke Fun Ghoul didn't question it.

"That was almost as bad as that time Pete was so drunk he tried to give everyone a strip tease at Cosmic and Patrick had to pull him down off the counter." Poison smirked but there wasn't much feeling behind it. Kobra Kid snickered and Jet Star sighed like that memory wasn't something he wanted to revisit.

"Hey, you see that?" Kobra Kid asked, sitting up suddenly and pointing out of the car at something in the distance. Fun Ghoul narrowed his eyes against the harsh of the sun and it took a moment for his brain to process what he was seeing. There was a small dilapidated shack in the distance. It was clearly abandoned, the grey of the wood looked frail even from here and definitely wasn't sturdy enough for someone to stay in but it did make a good place to hang around since it would provide cover if they were attacked during the night.

"It's an alright place to hole up for the night." Jet Star said smiling. "Good eyes, Kobra. Flag them down."

Kobra Kid stuck his hand out the window and waved as the trans-am coaxed to a stop a few yards from the ruined shack. The low thrum of engine was silenced and Fun Ghoul watched the Panic! crew pulled to a stop a few feet away from them. The roar of their motorbikes were silenced a few seconds later.

"Poison and Ghoul still alive over there?" Killer King called and Poison rolled his eyes sticking his middle finger out the window. Fun Ghoul worried the cut on his lip for a moment because he'd forgotten he'd been hurt entirely. His face hurt like a bitch now that he noticed it, his left arm too. The other's barely sported so much as a scratch which was the point, they'd gotten there much later in the game. Except for New Moon who was cradling his wrist to his chest as he climbed off his bike.

Fun Ghoul and Party Poison locked eyes for a second and he knew Poison's eyes were tracing over the cuts and bruises on his face. Then he looked away something like guilt in his hazel eyes.

Fun Ghoul climbed out of the car a little painfully but went directly over and opened Poison's door for him.

"No, Ghoul." Jet Star said gently steering Fun Ghoul away. "We got him. Go have Northern Downpour look at your arm."

"I'm not a child, jesus christ." Poison grumbled. "I can walk by myself."

Kora Kid snorted. "I'd seriously like to see you try."

Fun Ghoul didn't really know what to do with himself as Kobra Kid and Jet Star leaned over to help Party Poison out of the car. He watched feeling a little numb inside when something clicked in his brain. This really was it. Fun Ghoul didn't know who he'd been kidding. Fun Ghoul had tricked himself into thinking that he was wanted, not _needed_ even he knew that was hoping for too much but he'd convinced himself that maybe he'd finally found his people. But it was clear as day to him now watching Kobra Kid and Jet Star sling Poison's arms over their shoulders and act as a crutch for him. They limped towards where Killer King and Green Gentlemen were laying out supplies. They were a real family, a real crew. Party Poison and Kobra kid were literally brothers and Jet Star if not biologically related to them was their brother all the same. Fun Ghoul would never fit in with them. He was the small deformed puzzle piece you would find in the very back of the box and no matter how hard you tried it didn't really connect with any of the other pieces in the same way and nothing would ever change that. 

"It's not true." Fun Ghoul jumped, feeling like he'd been caught in midst of doing something he shouldn't. He turned on Northern Downpour with a scowl. Northern raised one dark eyebrow looking unimpressed. "Whatever you're thinking right now isn't true."

"How do you know what I'm thinking? Is that another super power that comes with being creepy as hell?" Fun Ghoul snapped against his better judgement. The words were harsh and bitter, words that Northern Downpour didn't deserve even if he'd attacked Kobra Kid, even if he was always silent and watching Fun Ghoul, even if he _did_ make remarks all the time about the strange relationship Poison and Ghoul had.

"Creepy?" Northern Downpour asked dully his eyes flitting around anxiously. Fun Ghoul sighed, opening his mouth to apologize but Northern continued on.  "I've been called worse. Come on, let me look at your arm and I'll tell you exactly what you're thinking."

Northern Downpour didn't wait for Ghoul's reply but walked off towards his motorbike and began digging in his satchel for something. Fun Ghoul glanced between the others and Northern like if he hesitated long enough the pain in his arm would disappear. When it didn't he closed his eyes, took a long deep breath, and walked over to where Northern was pulling out a roll of bandages and was that a _sling_? He wasn't restricting the use of his arm, not even if it was broken. 

"You're thinking that you don't belong with your crew. That you never really have." Northern said carefully, not looking Ghoul in the eyes. "Can I see your arm?"

"How did you...?" Fun Ghoul spluttered letting Northern Downpour pull up the sleeve of his jacket until it was past his elbow. Northern Downpour didn't answer for a few moments, he just prodded the skin trying to feel for broken bones. Northern pressed down somewhere on the middle of his arm and Ghoul hissed.

"It's broken, but I think it's a clean break. It will heal easier." Northern said this more to himself than to Fun Ghoul. Fun Ghoul just stared at him with confusion and irritation as he fiddled with something else in his satchel. Finally he sighed and then turned to look at Ghoul, his face dark. "The way you look at them sometimes it's how I used to look at my crew. I was a nobody, Ghoul. A killer, a wanderer. They took me in just like The Fabulous Killjoys took you in. Stop denying yourself that family."

"I'm not denying myself anything. You don't get it at all, Northern. Poison-"

"Party Poison cares about you." Northern Downpour interrupted. "Maybe you don't see it yet, maybe the others don't either but he does. He saved your life today."

"Of course he did he's fucking Party Poison." Fun Ghoul muttered but he glanced over to where Party Poison sat with his friends around him. His red hair stuck to his skin, beads of sweat dripped down his face and neck but he was smirking at something Killer King had said. Then he forced himself to look away something feeling brittle and tense. "I'm done talking about it, Northern. Fix my arm or I'll do it myself."

Northern Downpour eyes slid from the group to Fun Ghoul calculatingly and he shook his head. "Fine. But don't forget about what I said even after we part ways."

They fell back into silence and Fun Ghoul was so uncomfortable he didn't even say a word when Northern began forced his broken arm into a sling. When he was finished he turned and began packing everything back up into his satchel.

"We're going to be near zone 3 soon." Fun Ghoul remarked going for casual but Northern's back stiffened and Ghoul wanted to immediately take it back. Then he relaxed and nodded. "Do you think you're going to find your friends?"

Northern Downpour took a while to answer. When he did his voice was low and dark. "I don't think we'll make it back out alive, Ghoul. If that's what you mean. Chances are we'll find our friends just in time to die along beside them."

"Then why are you going!?" Fun Ghoul snapped feeling hopeless. "If you know you're going to die then why are you still going? Your friends wouldn't want you to die for them."

"Everyone has to die at some point, Ghoul." Northern cleared his throat. He didn't look angry just resigned. "And when it's my time I want to die with Killer King on my right and my friends on my left. More importantly Jon and Brent aren't going to die alone and not in whatever hell hole Better Living has them imprisoned in."

Fun Ghoul didn't know what to say. He just felt angry and confused. The Panic! Crew were no more than mere strangers to him a couple weeks ago and now he'd almost consider them to be friends of his. And soon, _real fucking soon_ , he was going to have to say goodbye to them probably for good.

"Go on, Ghoul." Northern Downpour finally said. "Green Gentlemen and New Moon probably need help gathering wood for the fire. I'll need the fire to sterilize the needles to sew up Poison."

So Fun Ghoul turned on his heel and walked back towards where the others were setting up camp. Party Poison still wasn't looking so good, sweating, pale, his eyes were half closed, and he was sitting facing the horizon. The red, orange, and yellow hues of the sunset washed over the camp warming it with the colors. Kobra Kid was watching his brother warily while Jet Star fiddled with his radio trying to get in contact with the Dr. Killer King was crouched beside Poison and they were talking out of the corners of their mouths. Whatever they were discussing they didn't want anyone to overhear them. Green Gentlemen and New moon were as promised gathering sticks and wood for the fire. There was already a small pile of frail looking twigs in the center of the camp.

Fun Ghoul sighs and sets off to join them when someone's hand grabs his uninjured wrist and he freezes. Twisting slightly in alarm he begins to pull away but his eyes meet Poison's concerned and panicked hazel eyes and he relaxes. Emotions churn in Poison's eyes and he looks like he's trying to find the right words. Killer King glances at the spot where Poison's hand is wrapped around Ghoul's wrist.

"Don't go wandering off to far, Ghoul. Stay within the perimeter." Party Poison said slowly his eyes anywhere but on Fun Ghoul now. Ghoul feels a flush creep up his neck and he pulls his hand out of Poison's grip.

"You worried about me, Poison?" Fun Ghoul says sarcastically and usually Poison would've smirked or shot back some witty retort. Something like _'Yeah. You wish, Ghoulie'_ but he didn't. Party Poison doesn't say anything but his features are blank, eyes on the ground, and his lips pressed into a tight line. There's a small cut above his eye that Fun Ghoul really wants to run his thumb over for some reason.

"Ghoul." Poison said quietly and Fun Ghoul nodded frowning slightly

 "Alright, I'll stay close." He walked off tossing a glance behind his shoulder. Killer King was frowning at Poison, they weren't really talking anymore. Fun Ghoul let himself wander while drifting in his thoughts. He grabbed a couple weak looking sticks he'd spotted near the base of a couple sand dunes. Fun Ghoul kept glancing back at camp to make sure he wasn't getting to far away and it looked like Northern Downpour was sewing Poison up. Fun Ghoul set to gathering more sticks because there was no way in hell he was going back over there until he was done. Poison had told Ghoul once that he hated needles with a burning passion. Fun Ghoul already felt sick to his stomach knowing that there was a needles anywhere near that wound Ghoul had cleaned earlier.

He glanced back over towards the camp a little while later when he had a few more sticks stuffed between his right arm and his side. His left hand hung useless in it's sling make Ghoul feel uneasy. Northern Downpour and Killer King were stringing up a a perimeter so they'd be alerted if any dracs were to ambush them in their sleep. Not that they weren't going to be taking shifts during the night but it was just an extra precaution. The sun was mostly down now and Fun Ghoul returned to camp dumping his pile of sticks next to the fire.

Moral was clearly low, everyone was tired and sore. Kobra Kid was slumped against the side of the trans-am his eyes sliding closed and his head dropping slightly.  New Moon poked at the fire, gazing into it with dreary eyes. Jet Star hadn't stopped tinkering with the radio but he didn't look any more enthusiastic about it than he had a while ago.His eyebrows were drawn up in concentration as he fiddled with all the different buttons and dials. Fun Ghoul remembered what he'd said about the sound waves being compromised and wondered how Jet Star expected to reach Dr. Death Defying anyways. Northern Downpour had settled down farthest away from the fire light, immersed in shadow. He kept picking at the little cuts and scrapes on his hands until Killer King sat down next to him covering his hands with his own. Green Gentlemen just laid on his sleeping bag staring up as the last light of day slowly faded into dark, night, and stars.

Fun Ghoul kneeled down next to Jet Star watching him continue his crusade on the dials and buttons. There was nothing but static. Finally Jet Star hit the off button in frustration and tore his dew rag off his face, throwing it to the ground.  Fun Ghoul winced.

"Are you okay?" Ghoul asked. It was a stupid question, of course he wasn't. Jet Star shook his head, turning to look at Fun Ghoul. Sweat dripped down his forehead and he mopped it up with his sleeve.

"We're all alone out here, Fun Ghoul." Jet Star said and there was an edge of hopelessness in his voice. "I can't get to anyone on the sound waves. No one is responding."

"Is that bad? Maybe the waves are still compromised and it's not safe for them to respond yet." Fun Ghoul suggest and Jet Star turned back to his radio looking distraught. 

"I hope so." Jet star said with a tone of finality. Fun Ghoul could tell when someone wanted to be alone so he climbed to his feet.  He didn't know where he was going, maybe just to crash next to Kobra Kid but he glanced over to where Poison was sitting and then he sitting down next to him. They didn't talk for several moments the silence stretched on between them for miles.

"I didn't mean what I said back there." Fun Ghoul finally said.

"Which part?" Poison asked arching an eyebrow.  Fun Ghoul chewed his lip nervously glancing at Party Poison.

"The part about your friends dying for you. It wouldn't be your fault. No matter the circumstances." Fun Ghoul said and Poison finally looked at him. Poison's eyes were swimming with ghosts. The light of the dying sun cast shadows across his skin so that sometimes he was pale and sweaty and other times he was golden. His red hair danced in the wind, strands of it sticking to his forehead and neck.

"You were right." He murmured, looking away again.

"No, I was wrong, Poison. I shouldn't have said what I said. I was wrong about all of it." Fun Ghoul said desperately, grabbing Poison's lower arm out of need for him to understand. Party Poison drew in a rough breathe, his eyes widened a fraction of an inch as he glanced between Fun Ghoul and the grip he had on his arm. Party Poison didn't move away if anything he moved closer.

"All of it?" His voice was quite and shaky. Fun Ghoul knew exactly what he meant by it and his grip on Poison's arm weakened. _I care about you._

"Maybe not all of it." Ghoul swallowed looking away. Heat crept up his neck and face. Then Party Poison leaned over Ghoul, his lips brushing against Ghoul's ear, and Fun Ghoul felt the heat from his breath against his neck.

"I care about you too, Ghoulie." Then Poison was pulling away and leaning back his eyes trained on the horizon again. Fun Ghoul sat dumbfounded, his mind was completely blank, his tongue was like a piece of cardboard in his mouth. It was silent for what could've been minutes or hours when Poison finally spoke again.

"Things are hopeless, Ghoul. I don't know what to do." Party Poison said quietly.  "I know it, you know it. The Panic! crew knows it too but they won't fight it anymore."

"What do you mean?" Fun Ghoul asked but he already knew the answer.

"This is a one way trip for them. No one's ever gone into one of the Better Living Laboratories and come back out alive. The last killjoy to even make it in to a Lab came back out in a body bag, Ghoul. When we find Cherri and this girl he's with then we've got to say goodbye to our friends probably for good. I've done so much _shit_ but there's so much I haven't done for them that I could've. Now I'll never get the chance to make that up. It's just another thing I can't atone too." Party Poison faltered. He didn't look at Ghoul, his eyes glared at nothing, his face looked like it was carved from stone as tears left tracks through the dirt on his face. He wiped them roughly from his face.

"Poison, you don't have anything left to atone too. You've made up for everything that you think you've done, ok?" Fun Ghoul pleaded with him.

"Not everything." Party Poison glanced over at him. "Do you know what it was like to almost lose you? I almost had to watch you die by the same person who got Bert. Do you have any idea what that was like for me?"

"Poison, you almost died for _me_!" Fun Ghoul hissed anger bubbling up inside of him. "I know how that feels."

"It was like I was having one of my nightmares except this time I was awake." Poison sucked in a breath and closed his eyes. "You're like my second chance, Ghoulie. I can't lose you too. There aren't any third chances for guys like me."

"Poison..." Fun Ghoul trailed off, his heart sinking low in his chest, wishing he could find the words to say how he was feeling.

"It's Gerard." Party Poison murmured after a breath, his eyes locked with Ghoul's.  Fun Ghoul felt the air rush out of him like the time a drac got in a good punch and it left Ghoul struggling for breath while he stabbed the asshole.

"What?" He croaked and the corner of Party Poison's lips turned upwards like he was fighting back a smile.

"My name is Gerard. Gerard Way." Party Poisoned repeated. Fun Ghoul couldn't look away from Poison's hazel eyes which seemed to be searching his soul for some sort of an answer. Fun Ghoul didn't have one, he was still reeling. Names in the desert were one of the most powerful things that existed if you told the wrong person it could literally get you killed. You didn't tell anyone except for you closet kin. To trust someone with your real name was to trust someone with your life.

"Gerard?" Fun Ghoul said slowly, the word felt like a 'hallelujah' on his lips. It felt holy and strange. "It fits you."

"Does it?" Party Poison grinned, real and fucking beautiful. Fun Ghoul nodded and a name bubbled up in his throat, one that he hadn't thought of himself as for weeks. My name is Frank Iero. Fun Ghoul choked it back down at the last second, doubt clouding the happy feeling in his chest. His eyes instead glanced around at the others who were sleeping and others who were just lying awake watching stars begin to appear in the sky.

Party Poison didn't ask for Fun Ghoul's name and he was glad that he didn't. Too much had gone on today and Fun Ghoul was practically buzzing with emotions he couldn't pinpoint.

Poison and Ghoul slept next to each other that night, like the night in the bunker except this time when Fun Ghoul awoke the next morning Party Poison was still beside him sleeping peacefully.

Somewhere deep inside himself Ghoul hoped that nothing would ever change.

 


End file.
